How To Win Friends And Influence People

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Summary: The Journey Begins...
Review: There is nothing as passionate as a passion for living. The invigoration of a handshake, the dynamic of a simple smile, or the courage of a word well spoken. That passion is demonstrated in How to Win Friends and Influence People. Dale Carnegie first touched the psyche of America in the 1930's with this classic work. It found its way to the board rooms of our businesses, the classrooms of our institutions of learning and even graced the pulpits of many of our houses of worship. Today it remains. The success of this book alone, however, is not its greatest recommendation. The enhancement of the lives it has touched gives one cause reason to rummage through its pages, read its inspiring message, and reap its rewards. The journey begins on page one.

Rating:
Summary: Not worth it
Review: I read this book because I'd always wanted to read it, and because an acquaintance reccommended it. The reason the rating I'm giving it is so low isn't because the ideas are bad, per se, but because the writing style is so annoying to my modern reader's ear that I found the book incredibly hard to read.

The ideas themselves, as I said, are fine. I don't find that Carnegie's suggestions are manipulative. In fact, he makes it clear at least two or three times that people who try to use his techniques and suggestions to manipulate people will find that they aren't successful. Alot of what Carnegie is suggesting is basic common sense: be empathetic, be a good listener, don't stuck in a position and instead focus on finding common interests, and give constructive criticism. These are all very useful tips. I appreciated the way Carnegie summed up each chapter with a one sentence bullet. I also liked how each part had a listing of the key point of each chapter from that section. It made skimming through the book much easier.

Many of the chapters are repetitive - he talks about criticism in at least three chapters, and he's essentially just expanding on the same point. I would've preferred few chapters providing a more in-depth examination of the key topics, rather than reading alot of chapters that were essentially repetitive. His examples were archaic, which didn't help. Overall, the writing style was frutrating to me as a modern reader. In general, other authors, such as Stephen Covey (Seven Habits For Highly Effective People) and Roger Fisher (Getting to Yes, Difficult Conversations) have addressed the points Carnegie is making in a deeper, more interesting manner.

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Summary: Its truth, Its Approach, and Its limitation
Review: Today, I finish reading the book, How to win Friends and Influence People. My boss, my colleague and my friend as well, who perused it when she was a Ph.D.student, suggested me to read it.That is an old book, first published in 1936. Anyway, almost all truth can be found in one or another old book.

Then, what is the truth in the book? That is simple. Everyone has a desire to be important, and all people are more interested in themselves than in others. That may be the weakness in human nature. Based on the facts, the book advocated a new way of life. In order to make friends and to affect others, one must make them feel important by showing honest and sincere respect, appreciation and recognition, and make them interested by focusing on their problems.

Does this approach work? I think so. However, it is easy to understand but difficult to practice. After all, those readers of the book belong to Hume being with the same weakness as others. To overcome the weakness to certain degree, one must have personal integrity. One must be insightful so that he can know what others think. One must be patient so that he can deal with others¡¯ issue first. One must be clever so that he can detect others' real but indistinct merit.

One point should be made definite. So called "friends" in the book are friends in need, such as bossed, employees, colleagues, teachers, students, classmates, customers, clients, etc. For friends indeed beyond utility, are the principles of the book suitable? I doubt. In fact, I think at least some of them are certainly not. At any rate, honesty, respect and appreciation are crucial in all kinds of relations. --This text refers to the Mass Market Paperback edition

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Summary: This book changed my life
Review: This is undoubtedly one the best books on human behavior I have ever read. In fact, this book changed my life. Let me explain. I have always been an extremely argumentative person. I have in the past been VERY selfish, and spent hardly any time at all considering other people's feelings. My family kept trying to tell me I needed to change, but I could never quite understand what was so wrong with the way I was acting. Then I read this book. Whoa... Now don't get me wrong, this book isn't the bible. But it does quote the bible a lot. And a great many other books and people. It does this for the simple reason that the suggestions this book offers are so simple, you need to understand the logic of WHY they work (which is critical to putting these principles into action). Once I understood WHY I needed to change, and WHY acting differently would be better not just for others, but for myself as well, things in my life started to improve a lot. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

Oh, and one more thing. Those reviewers who said that they saw others using these principles for evil purposes completely missed the point of what the author said. He said show honest appreciation (NOT FLATTERY). And as Carnegie himself said, there must be something seriously wrong with you if you can't do something nice for someone just for the sake of making them feel good.

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Summary: Read but with caution
Review: When I was 12 years old my best friend gave me a copy of this book and told me that I might find it interesting. He could not have been more right, for I delved deep into the book and I finished it in a matter of 2 weeks (to me it was a record to finish a book so quickly at that age!) I found the book to be very informative and entertaining at the same time. The author, Mr. Dale Carnegie, will not introduce a principle or a notion without supporting it with at least one real life story where the principle introduced was proven effective. After that point I noticed a great, almost immediate, effect on my behavior as I was growing up. I noticed that I have become a very good negotiator with my parents and teachers, more popular at school, and I even began to understand people much better than I used to prior to reading the book. I grew up believing that this book was one of the greatest factors involved in shaping my character.

Recently though, I noticed some growing criticism of the book and its teaching, and I thought that this would be a good time for me to refresh what I learned from the book and assess its quality based on the experience I've gained since the first time I read the book. So I bought the unabridged audiotapes of the book and listened to it whenever I was in the car.

Mr. Carnegie said somewhere in the book that if one thing you learn from the book, which is the ability to understand the different views of other people in different situations, then that would be enough. And I agree wholeheartedly.

My judgment is that this book will indeed teach you how to understand the motives and the different forces playing in the different people you meet. Humans all across the globe share basic needs and characteristics that play a major role in forming their attitudes and decisions. Understanding those factors and satisfying them will be the most effective method of influence you'll ever need.

Mr. Carnegie begins the book with the foundations of developing this skill of understanding others. He extends three principles that if applied will help you identify what other people want and how you can satisfy them. After that he introduces six ways to make people like you. These methods hover around the same three principles mentioned in the beginning of the book. After that the author discusses in two parts methods and principles that help you influence people to your way of thinking.

All of this seems interesting but why are people criticizing this book, you wonder. The first issue with this book is the title. It says "How to win friends and influence people." I would have called it "How to make people like you and influence their behavior." The methods Dale introduces aren't for winning friends. You don't win friends by avoiding arguments and by projecting enthusiasm that is not honest. You'll only have them like you, but they are not won as friends, yet at least. Honesty is absent in Carnegie's teachings, and sometimes even unadvised! In one story he tells of a manager of a singer who would lie to the singer just to get him on stage!

Another observation I had on the book was the relevance of some of the stories to the principle being introduced. Some of those principles would not have worked in the stories he mentioned have the circumstances been even little different! Yet Dale would acclaim the introduced principle as the reason that the story reached the happy ending it did. But, to the benefit of the author, this happened only a few times overall and it doesn't degrade the whole quality of the book.

Nevertheless, the lack of emphasis on honesty is a serious issue. This has caused many reviewers to warn readers from reading this book. But here is where I disagree.

You'll need to read this book to learn the methods, not just to be able to understand other people, but also to be ready when others are applying them to influence you. I'll have to agree that some of these methods are extremely powerful especially if the receiver isn't ready for them. Reading this book will make you resilient to the weapons of many unwanted salesmen and negotiators.

My advice is to read but with caution. Learn the methods but always remember that honesty should always be present when these methods are being applied.

Rating:
Summary: Not bad
Review: This book starts well but then it seems to become dull. It does have some good basic principles of relating well to others, but some of the book seems to give advice that sounds manipulative rather than honest. It is a decent read nonetheless. If you like this one, I also recommend "The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey. So I would think that most people would like Mr. Carnegie's book (being that it's very well known). Hopefully it will indeed help you in winning friends and influencing people!

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Summary: The Fountain of Corporate Speak
Review: I usually dont read or comment on low-brow books such as this, however this book has had such a vile impact on our world that it would be irresponsible for me to do otherwise.

One need only to have listened to the oblique babbling of most corporate managers to realize that this is their Bible.

Admittedly it will help your career. You will learn how to speak out of both sides of your mouth, appear agreeable at all times,
and engage in all manner of corporate BS. Everyone will like you, except for those ne'er-do goods-who abhor pretension and deceit. And, most importantly, you will get that raise! After all, get real, being honest, principled and lucid won't pay the rent and may even get you a pink slip.

If you want to "get ahead" buy this book!

If you are like me and amuse yourself by reading the kind of obfuscate and dissimulating language found in those emails from managers that arrive in your workplace computer, get this book for a good laugh! Dale Carnegie is the St. Paul of American Yuppies.

Thomas

Rating:
Summary: Be a Better Leader
Review: While this book is essential to salesmen, it is far more important to people with responsibilities as leaders of families, at work and at play.

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Summary: HELPED ME TO WIN FRIENDS FOR OVER 30 YEARS
Review: I first read this book in the late 1960's and it has influenced me ever since. I try to remember people's names, I smile as much as possible, as a salesman I never argued with irate customers, and so forth.

I keep my copy of this book handy and recommend it to other people.

--George Stancliffe

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Summary: Those that condemn this book!
Review: I reread this book recently for the first time in many years. I thoroughly enjoyed it and realized why I was floundering in some of my relationships. The biggest lesson I got from the book was quit thinking about yourself and think about the other person. Self absorption is an epidemic.

Now to address the negative reviewers. Anything can be used negatively. If you want to manipulate and hurt others you don't need to use this book. I guess I kept hearing Carnegie stressing over and over again the need for sincerity and if you weren't sincere it would all eventually backfire on you.

We live in a society that has abandoned common courtesy and social skills for "keepin it real", which is just another way of saying I'll do whatever I want and screw you if you don't like it.

I'm in the schools everyday and teachers are verbally attacked and abused constantly. Learning, education and just plain life cannot take place without the skills to facilitate our relationships one with another. I reread portions of this book all the time and it has helped greatly!