Rating: 
Summary: Saved my marriage, too.
Review: This is a GREAT book for those of you who love their spouse, but are not "In Love", those whose marraige is a little flat, but can't figure out why, those who have fallen "out of love" with their spouse and think that is "normal" in marriage, those who have taken the "divide and conquer" approach to family responsibilities and therefore have little time together, and those who are slowly drifting apart because their interests are different. Harley clearly shows us how to care for our spouses in ways that make them feel loved, and how to get to an "In Love" state that can last. It gave me the practical tools I needed to stop wasting energy trying to do things for my wife that she didn't really appreciate anyway, and re-direct my energy into things that mattered. It did the same for her.That said, the book is not perfect. By reading the other reviews here at Amazon.com, it is obvious that one of Harley's main points in this book can be missed by its readers. Apparently, people can read this book and miss Harley's statements that although the needs presented as "women's needs" are typical of women, and the needs presented as "mens needs" are typical of men, EACH PERSON IS DIFFERENT, so you should fill out the questionaire at the end of the book and figure out how this applies to you. Most people have at least one need that is "typical" of the other sex. My wife and I are pretty far from typical, so it probably helped that we took the questionaire BEFORE reading the book. I admit that the stereotypical way the needs are described is irritating. I also agree that it can be read in a way that puts your spouse where God should be in your life. I don't think that is what the author says or means. I think looking at it as: "In a typical marriage we are to be God's method of providing for our spouse's emotional needs", comes pretty close to the truth. This book provides most of the tools needed to identify and meet those needs, and I can personally attest to the improvements that makes in a marriage. To suggest, as one reviewer here does, that our spouses need to learn to accept the type of love that we have to give, rather than for us to learn to love them in the way they understand, is so wrong-headed that I cannot believe it. That seems to me to be demanding that our spouse change for us, rather than demanding of ourselves that we change for our spouse, which is a recipe for divorce...
Rating: 
Summary: Shallow and worldly
Review: I will tell you the one valuable insight found in this book so you don't have to read it: you and your spouse may have different ideas about what you need / want from your marriage, so talk about what your expectations might be. Don't be limited by Harley's prescribed notions about what men and women want. Think for yourself and consider what your unique needs really are. This book might be acceptable if it admitted that it is worldly instead of claiming to be Christian. Forget biblical values of love and committment. Believe instead that a woman is lovable only if she is beautiful and man is lovable only if he is rich. Buy into the shallow cultural stereotypes found in advertising and the media. The author even goes so far as to suggest that a woman undergo plastic surgery in order to be more physically attractive to her husband. As you can see from the other reviews, if you read this book you will either love it or hate it. You will love it if you are insecure about whether your mate will cheat on you and you want to feel like there are some shallow, easy things you can do to prevent this. You will hate it if you believe in a deeper love and communication in your marriage. This book will leave you feeling paranoid about the ways you don't measure up to our society's unbiblical notions of attractiveness to the opposite sex. I cannot emphasize strongly enough that this book is harmful and not helpful for developing true acceptance of yourself and love for your spouse. I'd give it -1 stars if I could. I wish I hadn't read this book.
Rating:
Summary: This should be required reading before the I DO's!!!!!
Review: This is an excellant book, and the corresponding website (www.marriagebuilders.com) together make it easy for a couple who wants their marriage to work make it happen. Even when only one of the partners want to make it better they can (it just takes longer). I'm a big fan of Dr Harley and think he's the tops in his field!
Rating:
Summary: Great book - saved our marriage!!
Review: This book is excellent and is a must-read for anyone contemplating marriage, having marital trouble, or happily married wanting things to be even more perfect. The previous reviewer may have taken the "needs" too literally. Dr. Harley mentions 5 of the "top" needs, but it is not the same for everyone. As a matter of fact, in my marriage, I have a few of the "male" needs, and my husband has a few of the "female" needs. But it works for us. We were literally on the brink of divorce - only needed to get a lawyer. This book totally changed our thinking. We thought we were meeting each other's needs, but we were really meeting our "own" needs, which are rarely applicable to the spouse. We learned so much from this book, and now give it out as wedding presents to hopefully spare couples from the trouble we experienced. I *highly* recommend this book, and don't know what we would have done without this information. We periodically read it again for a refresher course - and it always works wonders. I have read the John Gray books, but found this book to be the most helpful for us. Our marriage is fabulous now!
Rating:
Summary: Everybody who cares about relationships should read this .
Review: I got this book from a friend and most of it i was very aware of anyway. But never had anyone to tell me or my wife . Now that we both have read it and both agree what we were doing wrong , our marriage has taken off like a sky rocket . We now communicate much better , have greater love and sex with each other . Men cheat a good woman out of a good marriage and women do the same to a good man. Men and women are different , but pleasing each other is easy indeed for most people. Everyone wants a good loving, fullfilliing , and wonderful marriage or a great romance . These basic concepts of understanding make a difference of night and day. AS wonderful as my wife was she was not making me happy, nor i making her happy.Now we openly talk about what and how to make each other happy , in all aspects of our marriage. Age and 28 years of marriage has changed both of us . But now we act totally different toward each other. I truely feel we may just stay together til our death. And be happy doing it. So men please understand all of your wifes needs and try to meet them the best you can. Women if you love your husband try to do the same thing. It will make a big difference in your happiness.And remember every man is different than the next guy. And everywomen is different from the next gal. Don't take anything for granted. Don't listen to gossip from any source. Talk about your needs , each being different and special . I have seen men cheat on their wives and this broke her heart . This could have been avoided if they just talked about each others needs and tried to fullfill them. Many women are unhappy in their marriage, and the husband has now idea why. Open up your brains and hearts if you want your marriage to last. If you don't , divorce is very expensive and you detroy each other so badly. Many 30 year marriages could have been 60 year marriages. I recommend reading this book to any adult male or female .
Rating:
Summary: MUST TO BUILD A GREAT RELATION WITH YOUR SPOUSE
Review: This book changed the way I though about my relation with my spouse. I did not know the basic needs of my coople. While I was reading the book I feeled that that the autor was talking about my life.
After few months, I understood and took care of the 5 basic needs of my wife. Our relation has grow to a point where know it is beter than 14 years ago when I got married.
This book it is not magic, it needs your commitment to build a great relation and pay the price for the mistakes that you have make before. You commitment of loving your coople and being patient while feelings are restored are essential to rebuild a great relation with your couple!!!
Rating: 
Summary: This is possibly the most depressing book I've ever read
Review: OK, spoiler alert: The top things a woman needs from her husband are affection, conversation, honesty, financial support, and commitment to family. The "financial support" thing may make you men feel a little used, but the rest of it is all human qualities--an affectionate, honest, committed man. A man's needs? Sex, recreation, an attractive wife, "domestic support", and admiration. None of these qualities have anything to do with the person behind them. I love my husband for the affectionate, honest, committed man that he is, and it would be nice to believe that he loves me for the kind of person that I am and the qualities that I have. But no--according to Dr. Harley, he'd be just as happy (if not happier!) with a hooker who cleaned his house and watched football with him! So when a woman looks to improve her marriage, should she work on becoming a more affectionate, honest, committed, intelligent, funny, generous, faithful, all-around good human being? Nope, don't waste your time! Rent some porn videos, get liposuction (because Dr. Harley seems convinced that no man could ever possibly love a woman with cellulite--better become anorexic, just to be on the safe side!), wash the windows, study up on the designated hitter rule, and simper a lot--Congratulations, you're every man's dream woman! Every man who can't handle a relationship with a complete human being and would prefer an animated blow-up doll, that is.
I hope my husband isn't the only man who doesn't fit the above description. Sadly, this book would indicate that perhaps he is.
Rating:
Summary: A Must Read for Any Newly Married Couple
Review: (...) Buy the hardcover, otherwise it may not hold up when all your friends read it. Everyone I have loaned it to has subsequently purchased their own copy. This book is now a standard wedding gift from me and many others I know. One of the saddest things I see is men getting flowers delivered to them at work. While women TYPICALLY love to get flowers, men MOST OFTEN are not that thrilled by it. Women who send flowers are projecting their own emotional needs onto men. The corollary is when men buy themselves "sexy" under shorts and think their wives are going be so pleased. These examples ARE NOT in the book, they are just my own observations. But these types of misunderstandings are addressed and explained. When I was first married a woman friend whose name is Trudy gave me invaluable advice. She told me to touch my wife non-sexually. At the time I thought it was possibly the weirdest thing anyone had ever told me. Nevertheless, I accepted Trudi's advice, and it served me well. It was quite a long time before I understood the wisdom of what she told me. I shared it with other men, to whom it was also a revelation. His Needs, Her Needs explains this and other things you may not understand about your spouse. (Thank you, Trudi!) Dr. Harley researched the material presented in this book after finding that marriage counseling failed for most couples. He realized something was wrong and set out to find out what would help. This isn't some new theory by some egghead. The insights presented in this book have grown out of both good and bad experience with marriage counseling and has been proven in many marriages over many years. It is the real thing, tested in the real world. Dr. Harley lays out five emotional needs TYPICAL of MOST men and five emotional needs TYPICAL of MOST women. However, he stresses that YOUR NEEDS AND THE NEEDS OF YOUR SPOUSE MIGHT DIFFER. In other words, you both might share one of the needs, or neither of you might have a particular emotional need, or some may be swapped between you. This is more likely (as in higher probability) with the needs further down on the list of five but possible with those higher on the list. This book will help any couple understand each other better. More importantly it will help any couple learn to strengthen their marriage as they begin to meet each other's emotional needs. I have seen numerous situations where needs were not being met, and the door to adultery was thrown wide open. In one case it was the wife's need for what is typically the man's strongest emotional need! So read both (the men's and women's needs) and discuss with your spouse the most important emotional needs you each have. This is one of the most practical books I have come across in some time. Buy it, read it, discuss it with your spouse, and apply it to your marriage.
Rating:
Summary: Save your money - get this one from the FREE library...
Review: I was never impressed with this shallow book. The author lacks wisdom and provides the most shallow message. I simply don't know any couple who could follow this advise and get long term good results. Sure they'll get a short term thrill that might last a week, a month if they are lucky, but it will blow up in their face because this book doesn't address real relatioship or "heart" issues, just fake substitutes of brief "feel goods." How sad. I agree with the reviewer who wrote that his message is is shallow, childish and unprofessional. In one example he offers that people will stop substance abusing if they don't have the money to afford it. Is he nuts???!!!! What kind of counselor is this. With that rationale, only the wealthy would be chemically addicted? Save your money, don't get this book unless you get it from the library. That way you aren't out of any money.
Rating:
Summary: Real advice for Real people - Get this book
Review: A couple facts:
I am not a Christian.
I DID read the entire book. (unlike some of the other people who have given it a review) Why do you seek out a partner in life? Because you have basic needs and wants that cannot be met without someone else. This book gives advice on those needs and wants of a man and a woman in a relationship and how to meet them. I highly recommend this book. It can be read in less than a week and will give advice that can last a lifetime.
| 
