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Summary: The Best Book on Recovering from Dysfunctional Families
Review: I've read about a dozen books lately on various aspects of the lives and recovery of adult children of dysfunctional families, and this is by far the best. I agree with other reviewers that the "inner child" concept is a bit hokey, but the author here doesn't rely on it as an actual separate personality, but rather as a useful metaphor for getting in touch with the anger, shame, and other feelings we were not allowed to express as children. The book recommends many new ways of thinking about things and strategies for dealing with toxic people in our lives, and I believe that any therapist working with adults who had traumatic or difficult childhoods should read it and use the techniques with their clients. This will be a permanent part of my library as I move through my recovery and reclaiming of myself.
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Summary: What a blessing.
Review: In the three years it took me to recover from an abusive childhood, this book was my bible. I was also fortunate enough to have Dr. Whitfield as my personal counselor. The memories conjured up throughout the healing process hurt as much as the original damages. This book and Dr. Whitfield saved me in a time when I couldn't save myself. His companion to this book, A Gift To Myself, is worth its weight in gold as well.
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Summary: MUST READ for spiritually abused adult children!!!
Review: Most books on disfunctional families assume alcoholism and/or drug abuse. There isn't much literature that addresses the problem of family disfunction recognising that symptoms/causes can manifest in other ways. The parental conditions he lists that tend to stifle the child within are: chemical dependence; co-dependence; chronic mental illness or disabling physical illness; extreme rigidity, punitiveness, judgementalness, non-loving, perfectionism, or inadequacy; child abuse--physical, sexual, mental-emotional and/or spiritual; denial of feelings of reality. Spiritually abused adult children, even if no physical abuse ever occurred in conjunction, tend to have experienced co-dependence (boundaries are crossed and roles are mixed up in unhealthy ways), rigidity, judgementalness, perfectionism, and denial of feelings of reality, in addition to the description he gives for mental/emotional/spiritual abuse. He develops heirarchical list of 20 human needs, drawing from Maslov, Miller, Weil, and Glasser, and develops the concept that in order for a human being to be whole and healthy and ready to follow a truly spiritual path, these needs must first be met, in order of most basic to highest potential. Most basic, of course, survival and safety; highest potential is unconditional love (including connection with a Higher Power.) He explains the cycle of shame and low self esteem, and maps how healthy boundaries are crossed by all in a shame based family. He describes the role of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and it's treatment. He then describes the steps of healing; no step can be skipped in order to reach true "Genesis (Spirituality)": Begin to deal with core issues, identify and re-experience our feelings, go through the process of grieving, integrating, and finally, spirituality. If you have experienced spiritual abuse in your life (as a child or adult), or aren't sure whether you have, but relate to these issues, then this book is a MUST READ!!!!
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Summary: A real eye opener!
Review: My husband and I both read this book and we both found it very helpful in helping to understand why we do somethings that we do. I had a very troubled family life and this book helped me to understand how to help myself heal things that effect the way I function in everyday life. This is a great book for anyone who had a less than normal life growing up.
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Summary: Eye Opening Book
Review: Prior to reading this book, I didn't consider that I was an abused child. Dr. Whitfield explores all forms of abuse with the reader. I considered my family Dysfunctional, but not to the extent of abuse. I now realize that emotional abuse is as real as physical abuse and can deal with it and get on with a more emotionally healthy life. Dr. Whitfield does a marvelous job assisting the reader in discovering their pain and themselves. Thank you Dr. Whitfield, I can now stop making excuses for my parents, deal with my pain, forgive my parents, heal, and discover my child within.
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Summary: Books can change lives.
Review: Some time ago the title of this book caught my eye, and after purchasing it, hurried home to read it. I sobbed as I read it in one sitting. Finally, the feelings I had for years were in print. Afterwards I "told my story" to someone as suggested in the book, and she in turn began to tell me about a wonderful therapist. At age 45 I began group therapy and attended for 18 months. Because of this book I shed all the baggage I carried related to childhood incest, healed, and found inner peace.
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Summary: A must-read for your mental health!
Review: This book is a must--dysfunctional family or not!!!! Everyone usually has some negative patterns of behavior that we lean on and set ourselves up for failure in one arean or another. This book will help end all that. Read!
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Summary: An indispensable resource.
Review: This book, which is simply organized to allow one to use what is pertinent, is a wonderful resource for recovery or just understanding personalities and relationships better. However, I do feel that you will need somebody at least familiar with the subject matter to translate some of the more complex concepts. Definitely worth it.
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Summary: good book
Review: This is a very good book with many important insights. It explains how our experiences in our life (especially childhood) shape who we are today. It explains the basic ideas of object relations and attachment theory in a way that everyone can understand. I really recommend this book to anyone ready to change their ways. It will help get rid of some of your psychological baggage from the past that you didn't even know existed. If you want a book that is less technical and dry but explains these things very well, read "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato. Its also very easy to read and exceptionally well written.
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Summary: Good theory, lacking in practicality
Review: This is the kind of information my therapist of 4 years spewed...then I found one who offered practical guidework and here I am...a healed child.
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