Healing the Shame That Binds You

Rating:
Summary: More stars, please
Review: Even though John Bradshaw's star has waned and has been replaced by Dr. Phil's stardom (a good behavioral therapist), "Healing the Shame That Binds You" remains a classic "Know thyself" book.
As the first-born son of an alcoholic father, I felt the need to fill some emptiness inside me with high academic and professional achievements, like Bradshaw himself. But "Healing the Shame" helped me see the wisdom in James Taylor's song "The Secret of Life" ("is enjoying the passage of time / It's okay to feel afraid / But don't let that stand in your way / Planets spinning through space / Welcome to the human race").
"Homecoming" is a good companion to "Healing." I also recommend Charles Whitfield, Alice Miller, and one of my current super novas Daniel Goleman ("Emotional Intelligence") Thanks, John, for putting me on a non-type-A healing path.

Rating:
Summary: Taking the healing process to the next level.
Review: Healing The Shame That Binds You is an integral read for anyone going through a recovery process. The concept of shame is intangible and esoteric, which makes this book a harder read than some of the more popular self help books, but Bradshaw's work is a classic for a reason. Bradshaw provides an understanding of the pain we carry from the past, the role we take on early in life to control others' emotions, how we continue to live life through others, how this dynamic contributes to depression, and how we can break the cycle. The end of the book overviews a number of tools we can use to further understand 'the shame that binds us'. While I wouldn't recommend Bradshaw's book for anyone new to recovery, it's highly recommended to those who are looking to take their journey into self-realization to a new level and looking to become more intimate with their deepest emotions and difficult memories in order to heal.

Rating:
Summary: Marginally better than "Bradshaw On: The Family:"
Review: I actually wanted to give it 3 1/2 stars, but as that isn't an option, I chose to round up, because the book does have alot of good points.

The first part of the book describes what toxic shame is, how it comes about, and how it impacts people. Much of this section of the book is a shorter, clearer, more well written version of the material presented in "Bradshaw On: The Family." My only concern about this section is that the author seems to imply that every single problem everyone has is rooted in toxic shame, which seems simplistic at best.

The second section is a series of techniques on how to cope with and alter one's toxic shame. Again, Bradshaw sings the praises of 12 step support groups and does not really get into the arguments that say such groups are not effective on their own, for most people. His unwillingness to answer his critics is disconcerting; he seems to be hiding. The techniques range from meditation to cognitive behavioural techniques. I found that some of the meditations could be difficult at best and harmful at worst for a person doing them alone. These are meditations he has done in groups, where he was there to monitor if people were being triggered. I think people trying them alone, without the supervision of a qualified professional, could bring up stuff they can't cope with. The other techniques seem safer and easier to use on one's own.

In terms of the book as an overall whole, as usual, Bradshaw seems to write from a place of victimhood, which is discouraging. As well, he still uses too much personal examples The stories sometime distract from the text and seems self-aggrandizing rather than being the appropriate self-disclosure some therapists will use. I often wondered, "What does this have to do with anything?"

If you like Bradshaw's other works, this book will please you. If you haven't read him before, this is a better place to start than "On the Family". If you don't like his other work, this won't change your mind, especially if you don't have patience for "New Age" techniques like meditation.

Rating:
Summary: Not an easy book to read
Review: If any part of your childhood (or adult life) was or is dysfunctional, this is a must-read book. I wish I could tell everyone how important it is to get a book like this and read it until everything in your past and present begins to make sense. It took me a while to "get it," but now I see how important it is to understand that everyone in the family has to play certain roles to keep the dysfunctional family dysfunctionally functioning. When you read this book you'll understand why everything happened in your family the way it did. Thanks, John Bradshaw, for explaining the dysfunctional family so clearly - and showing how to change your life forever by healing the shame that binds you.

Rating:
Summary: Ready to change?
Review: If I could read only one book of this type, this would be the one. The first half of the book helps you uncover how much shame is threaded throughout your existence and day to day living. The second half helps you learn what to do about it. Don't stop in the middle and make sure you have a lot of caring support if you read this. But I highly recommend it if you are ready to grow!

Rating:
Summary: retrieve your soul from hell
Review: it is no exaggeration to say this was the most helpful self-help book i've ever encountered. for a long time i was always a seeker but could never get to the bottom of the "soul sickness" i felt within my deepest sense of self. i was operating under the general theory my soul had been stolen from me in my early childhood. i could never feel right about who and what i was as a person. this book truly opened my inner eye and gave me the insights and tools to take that mythical inner journey into my own "underworld" and find and retrieve my soul. after many years of depression, divorces, alcoholism, feeling absolutely defective as a human being, this wonderful book brought tears to my eyes, light to my mind, and true healing to my heart. i feel now i am a completely differant person than i was during those years of toxic shame hell. while the growth is still ongoing, the light and growth of self esteem i've found are sure and precious treasures "the universe" , [ God? ] has blessed me with. if your life seems depressing and out of control and sad; please read and reread this masterful work of self exploration. it can save you from much shame and pain. if you are as toxically shame based as i was, this book could very well save your life and engender a new feeling in your heart and soul: peace and happiness!

Rating:
Summary: Sensitive, probing study of toxic shame
Review: John Bradshaw has written a thorough, concise guide to victims who suffer from toxic shame, in order to help them identify the shame they are feeling and then to alleviate and eliminate that shame. An all-intrusive emotion, toxic shame can devastate a life, destroy marriages, and leave the suffering victim alone and confused. Bradshaw has drawn a road map for these victims to help themselves find the way out of the endless cycle of shame and guilt that surrounds their lives every single day.Since he is also a victim of childhood abuse, Bradshaw has a keen insight into the haunting terrors of being ashamed of your family because of alcoholism, drug dependence, sexual abuse...he covers it all.This book is a must-read for the adult who has been raised in a traumatic setting. Healing the Shame that Binds You is a life-line to victims, and can be the first step on the road to recovery from toxic shame and other psychological problems brought on by dysfunctional family situations.

Rating:
Summary: Will You Love and Accept Yourself for Doing That?
Review: This is a powerful question to ask youself, and those around you, in the face of self-defeating thoughts and comments.

I thought I had converted every shame-wound from my childhood into empowering habits, ones that guide me to solve my biggest problems ---until I reread this book.

The first time that I read this book, 7 years ago, I was so glad to have a name for the shame-wounds that I kept recreating in every aspect of my life.

And once I had a great definition, and many examples of how I not only experienced shame, but also recreated it, I taught myself to respond to my experiences, instead of reacting to them.

But what was missing, in all of these years was someone to mirror my evolved self.

John Bradshaw points out that we who have come from a shame-based childhood need a circle of people who mirror are needs, wants and beliefs, because it was people, our primary caretakers, who passed on to us their disowned shame.

Even though I have read so many books, and have evolved so much, I have had the opportunity to recognize in rereading this book that I need to be witnessed by a circle of people, which I will call my adult family -- without that recognition we all stagnate.

Years ago, I couldn't phathom joining such a group, for 3 reasons:
1. I have no chemical dependencies;
2. I feared that baring my soul to a body of strangers would
mean that I would be permanently humiliated and ashamed;
and,
3. I didn't recognize my need to heal my financial wounds.

Well. Thanks to this book I have found that courage to be more visible to a group who positively contributes to part of my journey. I've also healed so well that even if I bare my soul to someone who is toxic, someone who won't be able to compassionately respond to my authenticity, reading this book has helped me to see that I am more than my dark sides.

I advise anyone reading this book to do so, with pen in hand. And ask yourself what it would be like to grow, while you are visible to people who are free to allow you to be visible to them.

With understanding and appreciation of toxic shame, you will process all of your emotions, and love yourself for that.

Thank you, John Bradshaw.

Rating:
Summary: Change My Life
Review: What happened to the review I just wrote?