It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now

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Summary: Creating a second life -- at any age
Review: Barbara Sher's honest and down-to-earth style is what makes her the "queen" of "self-help." Sher's easy-to-read and easy-to-understand style turn psycho-babble into common sense. In this book, Sher puts the normal fears of aging into perspective in the humorous down-to-earth style that has become her trademark. Sher is the real thing -- a real person dedicated to helping others build the foundations under their dreams. In doing so, she's not afraid to lead the reader through psychological territory that makes TV's "Survivor!" seem tame.

No doubt, if you actually read the book and do the work, you will achieve amazing results with your life. Sher makes it easy. Of course, if you'd just rather continue to complain, well, Sher would support you in putting on the biggest pity party of your life -- until you finally got sick of yourself enough to change! A more positive way to consider your life and everything in it, is only the beginning of the benefits of reading this book.<...P>Barbara Sher and her message are an American, and International, treasure.

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Summary: If you are over 40 - don't miss this book.
Review: I really enjoyed this book. I am going through a rough time at my present job and this book helped alot. I would recommend it highly to anyone who is thinking they are over the hill at 40 and to those who have a dream to pursue which has been put on the back burner for years. Barbara Sher really walks you through your past 40 years of life and explains how and why we are where we are. She makes you realize that now is the time to enjoy our lives and make those dreams that we had tucked away come true. If your present job isn't rewarding and you are thinking about a career change - read this book for the inspiration you need now to make those changes.

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Summary: Recommended Reading For Those At Crossroads
Review: I've read all of the reviews here, and felt compelled to add my own two cents' worth. While the author might overly-emphasize the "beauty vs. wisdom" theory, and does dwell too much on her own view that dwindling libido = greater creative opportunities, I'd still recommend this book to anyone at a midlife crossroads. Why? Because it's a solidly helpful book in most respects.

When this book was released in 1998, I ordered a copy. I've been a big fan of Sher's for many years. At the time, my career had very unexpectedly stalled. Financial conditions were such that we (my family) had to downsize our home and lifestyle. In addition to those challenges, I had a breast cancer scare with lumpectomy. A few months later, my Dad died. This book was enormously helpful to me at a time when it seemed everything had tilted on axis in my world. Sher truly did help me find answers to the question, "Where do I go from here?"

Chapter 3, "Time Limits", was particulalry encouraging. Slapped hard in the face with the concepts of mortality, I began falling into crisis mode. What if my time is cut short? What if I've already run out of time? Those were haunting questions. Burying a parent in the midst of that crisis only served as fuel to the fear. Chapter 3 was enormously valuable in helping me to take some deep breaths, calm down and really explore what finite time had meant **and could mean** to me.

Chapter 8, "Escape to Freedom", was another wonderful section that had a profound impact in my life. It's a chapter that I feel would be useful to anyone at any age. That chapter alone is worth the price of the book, and I still review chapters 10 and 11 periodically. Those last chapters brough about significant change in my life. They could for you, too.

I only wish Ms. Sher had focussed more on the above-mentioned aspects of her message earlier in the book, because I believe age is something to celebrate, and beauty can glow from the face of a 90 year old. I also believe that most of us hope to enjoy a healthy, active libido right up 'till the day we're planted in the ground.

To summarize? If you, like me, can dismiss Sher's personal opinions about (physically) aging, then I believe you'll gain much from the other, more encouraging, insightful & proactive elements of this book.

Rating:
Summary: Some Parts Excellent, Some Problematic
Review: I've read this book more than once, and I recommend it very highly but with some warnings. I recommend certain chapters very, very highly, as they've changed my perspective on midlife and aging tremendously. Barbara Sher does a masterful job of explaining how and why, if we're willing to be open to new possibilities, we can create lives that are *more* exciting, meaningful and rich after age 40 than before. She does an amazing job of showing how standard ideas of post-40 life are based on cultural propaganda rather than facts, and on skewed perspectives promoted by our youth-obsessed culture. (Quick example: Stereotypes say that after 40 people lose their individuality and creativity and become stodgy, boring old farts whose lives eventually dwindle to nothing more than bingo. She shows that in fact, *teenagers* are far more conformist and self-limiting than middle-aged people, and that age 40 is, for many of us, the age at which we finally get enough sense of ourselves to develop true individuality instead of going with the herd.) She explains how the youthful drive to impress people and "get to the top" may be biologically motivated by the need to impress potential mates, but then shows how, as that kind of narcissism starts to fade away at around 40, we can begin to perceive possibilities for deeper, more meaningful success, based on who we truly are rather than on needing to score points with people. I'm 41 now and I've been finding that a great deal of what she says is dead on.

My only caveat is that, as she's offering sympathy and understanding for some of the difficult aspects of midlife, she sometimes sounds dogmatic about how universal and inevitable some aspects are or the timetable on which they can be expected. For example, in the first chapter she works very hard to convince the reader to come to terms with loss of physical beauty and romantic possibilities. I first read the book when I was pushing 38, and that chapter left me with the impression that I could pretty much mark the date on my calendar when I would be totally unattractive and unable to get a date again in my life. I'm 41 now and still -- in all honesty -- very attractive, with men expressing interest in me frequently, and I know plenty of other people my age who are very good-looking and have lots of sex appeal. But that chapter almost sounds like she thinks that anyone who's pushing 40 and still thinks they can turn heads is just living in fantasyland and they should just "deal with reality." So I think she laid it on a bit thick there, and in a few other places as well, where she's trying to convince the reader "It's no big deal, this aspect of aging happens to everyone and it's not the end of the world" but it may be bewildering or frightening to readers who aren't yet 40 and are wondering whether all these things will happen exactly on schedule, or for people whose experience of being 40-something doesn't precisely match what she describes. So I recommend this book to my late-thirty-ish friends, but I warn them not to take every last bit of it to heart, like the implication that they're guaranteed to look like hell by age 40.

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Summary: Quite seriously, the polar opposite of inspirational
Review: The only thing that I felt like "starting" after reading "It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now" was a suicide note. Being of sound mind and body I decided to kick this one to the curb.

Barbara Sher's alleged guide to the second half of life was truly the most depressing inspirational book that I have ever read. Hoping to find practical tips on how to set about jump-starting my career and pursuing a life-long dream, I found this book (particularly the first half) to be some twisted perspective on evolutionary theory. Sher's major premise seems to be that we are freed up in the second half of our lives to pursue the things we really love because we are no longer viable as attractive, sexually desirable human beings. Once we accept that prounouncement and stop trying to compete with 20-somethings, we can move on to create a fabulous life for our homely, undesirable selves. She goes so far as to criticize those who dye their hair or try to stay physically fit by going to the gym.

I would agree that our culture more than any other in the world is obsessed with youth and that aging gracefully by focusing on expanding one's mind and heart is most definately a worthwhile goal. However, there are far better, more positive ways to communicate that idea. Sher's book reads like very sour grapes from someone who didn't get asked to the prom and who is actually still angry about it.

As a 42-year-old woman who still turns heads and loves her 37 year old fiance both romantically and spiritually. I think one's time and money are much better spent elsewhere. I highly recommend (a solid five stars) Martha Beck's "Finding Your Own North Star Claiming the Life You Were Meant To Live".