The Dance of Intimacy CD : A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships

Rating:
Summary: Lerner's wisdom and insight sense rocks!
Review: After reading the Dance of Anger I was very eager to read this book. It is amazingly helpful. I especially appreciated the chapters on distancing, "overfunctioning" and how to bring up very hot issues with difficult people. I liked the author's realism, that she tells us that it's OK to move "at glacial speed" and that it's the direction and not the speed of travel that matters. She has so much wisdom and gives so much concrete advice without oversimplifying things. I also loved the chapter on "defining a bottom line" because it helped me make an important change in a relationship where I was complaining, but not really taking a bottom line position. Plus, Lerner is a great feminist in the best sense of the word.

Rating:
Summary: Lightbulb Moments
Review: I had always told myself that I would never read a self-help book, but then my therapist recommended that I read "The Dance of Intimacy." I had been having trouble in my relationship and this book helped me tremendously in understanding myself and my boyfriend. I connected completely with Lerner's assessments of the people she wrote about and their relationships. Throughout reading this book, I had several significant "lightbulb moments." I identified with the situations in the book and although my problems have not been solved overnight, I am gaining a better understanding of what I have to do to be happier with my relationship.

Rating:
Summary: Lightbulb Moments
Review: I read this book several years ago, and it really opened my eyes to a lot of hidden dynamics in all of our relationships. Several years have passed since then, but thank goodness I bought it, as I plan to read it again soon. I recommend it to absolutely anyone. Read it - you will be glad that you did! I would not hesitate to pick up any of her books, after reading this one.

Rating:
Summary: "This book changed my life"
Review: I read this book several years ago, and it really opened my eyes to a lot of hidden dynamics in all types of interaction. It has been a couple of years, but thank goodness I bought it, I plan to read it again soon. I recommend it to absolutely anyone. Read it - you will be glad that you did!

Rating:
Summary: A milestone book
Review: I think this is a remarkable book - a 'milestone' book for me. Lerner has great insight into how relationships work, understanding behaviour, the impact of families, and the past. She will introduce you to triangles and the impact of past traumas in your family tree. In my opinion this is not 'another self-help book', it stands apart from other popular psych titles. Two other thoughts: First, Lerner positions this book for women, but in fact it is general and should be read by all. Second: I suggest reading this book slowly, eg half an hour a day, and digesting inwardly.

Rating:
Summary: DANCING FOR THE "DEAF".
Review: In searching for the true me, I came upon these books through reccommendation of a friend, who happens to be a councelor. I had read them again and again, finding new things out about myself each time. The subject matter, at times, was very difficult to read, due to the feelings it stirred from within me. Confronting real truths is a hard thing to do. However, the healing began with understanding "the dance". I would have never thought of it as a dance, because, looking back, I can not recall learning the steps to the dance, for I lived it everyday. We all become victums of what we live. The hope is in the future of who we can choose to become. We can change our pasts into brighter futures, and the books that Harriet Lerner has written will help anyone to do this. Not just women. I feel that I never really felt the beat before, maybe it is because I was "deaf" from past hurts. This will offer a new beginning and open your eyes, ears, and heart. I have lent all three of my books to others...Anger, Intimacy, and Deception, and non of them have ever been returned to me, for those people have passed them on to others as a helping tool as well. Some day I want to get these books again to keep in my own library. However, those who have read them, I wish you the best, and hope it helps you out as much as it has helped me. Thank you Ms. Lerner. What a difference you have made in my life. May new readers find comfort in finding and accepting the "Real Truth". It's worth the time and pain. Most of all you are worth it.

Rating:
Summary: Needs more focus on abusive relationships
Review: Not just for women

I was recommended Harriet Lerner's "Dance of Intimacy" from a friend and am so glad I read it. It was well crafted and enlightening to me and did not trivialize the problems of complex relationships as some self-help books tend to do. As a man though, I feel the book dates itself with feminist bias and generalizations towards men that do not contribute to the theme of the book - that of working through complex obstacles to intimacy in key relationships.

I almost stopped reading the book on the very first chapter because of statements like "...women do far better alone than do their male counterparts and do not benefit as much from marriage. Yet men often seem oddly unconcerned about improving or changing a relationship once they have one." I grant some people feel that way, but it was an attitude that might alienate some readers who would clearly benefit from this book. I am very glad I continued reading because the author does an excellent job of relating real life experiences of those with challenging obstacles to intimacy and how they courageously overcame them. There were times were I honestly had a "wow - it makes perfect sense" moments while reading this. The author's logic is well articulated and engaging. I especially appreciate how the author does not condescend the reader or oversimplify the case studies - they are real, relatable, and very challenging. Some of the suggestions from Lerner are difficult to apply but the author makes a convincing argument why these suggestions must be heeded for someone to successfully navigate the intimacy obstacles they might face.

I believe that men can and will get a lot out of this book, but it needs to be updated to post-feminist and less gender specific. All of the case studies in the book were relatable I believe to all people, not just women and I would frankly love for more men to read this. It is a pity more books of this type aren't gender neutral or at least written towards men because challenges with intimacy is not just something for women alone to deal with.

Rating:
Summary: Not just for women, men should read this too!
Review: Not just for women

I was recommended Harriet Lerner's "Dance of Intimacy" from a friend and am so glad I read it. It was well crafted and enlightening to me and did not trivialize the problems of complex relationships as some self-help books tend to do. As a man though, I feel the book dates itself with feminist bias and generalizations towards men that do not contribute to the theme of the book - that of working through complex obstacles to intimacy in key relationships.

I almost stopped reading the book on the very first chapter because of statements like "...women do far better alone than do their male counterparts and do not benefit as much from marriage. Yet men often seem oddly unconcerned about improving or changing a relationship once they have one." I grant some people feel that way, but it was an attitude that might alienate some readers who would clearly benefit from this book. I am very glad I continued reading because the author does an excellent job of relating real life experiences of those with challenging obstacles to intimacy and how they courageously overcame them. There were times were I honestly had a "wow - it makes perfect sense" moments while reading this. The author's logic is well articulated and engaging. I especially appreciate how the author does not condescend the reader or oversimplify the case studies - they are real, relatable, and very challenging. Some of the suggestions from Lerner are difficult to apply but the author makes a convincing argument why these suggestions must be heeded for someone to successfully navigate the intimacy obstacles they might face.

I believe that men can and will get a lot out of this book, but it needs to be updated to post-feminist and less gender specific. All of the case studies in the book were relatable I believe to all people, not just women and I would frankly love for more men to read this. It is a pity more books of this type aren't gender neutral or at least written towards men because challenges with intimacy is not just something for women alone to deal with.