Parenting With Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility

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Summary: Humane and realistic parenting with lots of love!
Review: I have been reading parenting books for years. I read this book completely. As the adult child of an alcohol and drug councilor with 3 young children, I have taken great interest in therapy and communication techniques. I don't generally offer my opinion in reviews but I felt that this book should receive the credit that it is due. The focus of this book is to help your child to eventually become an unusually functional and mentally healthy adult. It makes a humorous, but truthful analogy of the learning patterns of very young (2 and under) children to that of dogs. It explains why, unlike a dog, children must begin to think for themselves and how to help them do that. It recognizes that some parents use corporal punishment, explains why this is sometimes effective and how to use it to the least detriment of the child, but over all discourages it and offers alternative methods of discipline. The book teaches how parents can assist instead of disrupting the child's natural process of learning. Permit a child the consequences of their own mistakes when they are young and they will learn not to make big, life changing mistakes when they are adults. Become a friend and respected confidant to your child whose opinion he respects. There are excellent, real life accounts of how to apply the techniques. Most teachers will recognize the authors names. The authors are well known and highly acclaimed in the educational field and have raised responsible, successful children themselves.

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Summary: POWER STRUGGLES FROM ONE GENERATION TO THE NEXT
Review: I strongly recommend this parenting approach and book for anyone seeking to find help with one or more children with mood disorders, any type of addiction, identity issues, self-esteem issues, reoccurring unresolved anger and troubling growing up relationship issues.

Excellent compliments to this book are: The Angry Heart: Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen; Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss and James Masterson; Emotional Blackmail: When People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier; The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman; Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson; Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man by Scott Wetzler; Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin and Lidija Rangelovska (Editor); Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown; Treating Attachment Disorders: From Theory to Therapy by Karl Heinz Brisch and Kenneth Kronenberg; Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job by Alan Cavaiola and Neil Lavender; Bully in Sight: How to Predict, Resist, Challenge and Combat Workplace Bullies by Tim Field.

And if you want to pursue the subject even further, you may be interested in reading The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple: A Psychoanalytic Perspective On Marital Treatment; Addicted to Unhappiness: Free yourself from the moods and behaviors that undermine relationships, work and the life you want by Martha Heineman Pieper and William Pieper

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Summary: Parents: It's not only the message, it's your delivery
Review: Love and Logic is a great tool! I have seen Jim Fay in person. He is a wise and humorous man. The combination of information provided in this parenting book is extremely useful. Some of the methods used are simply replacing commonly used phrases : "You are not going anywhere until your room is clean!" to a phrase such as, "Anyone that has clean room is welcome to play outside." The method also emphasizes the parent allowing the child to begin making choices from a young age. The parent offers different choices for their child, allowing the child to have the opportunity of taking part in the decision making process.

Do not be mislead into thinking this is soft-parenting. Fay and Cline also believe that children must have boundaries and consequences for their actions. They suggest natural consequences, one in the consequence is related to the choice that the child made. The book gives various scenarios of logical consequences.

I borrowed the book from a friend, and then purchased the audio-book. I enjoyed the audio-book although there are times that the delivery of the dialogue in the first tape seems patronizing. Don't be turned off by the delivery of that first tape! The book is full fantastic suggestions that make life easier.

If you have the opportunity to see Jim or Charles Fay in person, GO! They are not patronizing at all. Jim Fay will have you laughing so much at times, and you leave feeling extremely energized.

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Summary: Not for my family
Review: Parenting with love and Logic was extremely disappointing to me. I am in the process filling out adoption paperwork for a special needs child. the ideas of (as examples stated in this book) putting my child in the basement when they are having a tantrum and harming themselves, or of denying my child supper because he neglected to feed the cat by 5 PM (on the basis of "Mommy feeds 3 mouths. Since you didn't feed the cat, tonight those 3 mouths are Mommy, Daddy and the cat) are appalling. Many examples involved enlisting friends who would be willing to follow your children home after you put them out of the car, were willing to stay overnight at your home (after your child's waking you up in the middle of the night prompted you and your spouse to go to a hotel) or to hang around the store/mall waiting to see if your child would misbehave, so you could call them and have them take the child home. This book operates on the assumption that children are "Miniature Adults" and if that's your theory as well, perhaps this book will be of value to you.

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Summary: Stop enabling: Teach responsibility with love and logic
Review: This book provides sound parenting philosophy and easy to use guidelines to apply it. As a teacher, it is clear to me which students have been raised with loving and logical parents. So many parents confuse love with protection. Parenting with love and logic means allowing your kids to make choices ... and sometimes mistakes. Some may object to the "Basic German Shepard" tactics or the idea that claims that spanking is sometimes alright. Use what you wish from the book. I have never spanked my child, nor do I order him around like a dog. To avoid a power struggle with my son who didn't want to put on his clothes or coat for a 5 minute ride home from my sister's house, I used Love and Logic principles. On a cold January evening in Michigan I carried him to the car in his underwear. Moments later, he said, "I'm cold." I simply kept driving and said, ... Perhaps next time you will make a different choice?" A natural instinct would be to cover him up and protect him from the cold. He was not injured in any way. By sticking to the principle, however, he learned two very important lessons: 1) mom is not kidding around, and 2) it's smart to wear your clothes and a coat. Since that evening, we have not struggled to get dressed. Try it!