Paper Daughter : A Memoir

Rating:
Summary: my own experience
Review: "Paper Daughter" reminded me of high school essays a couple of Asian kids in my class wrote, with the same undertones of filial piety and selflessness required to survive in their families.

I can understand where Elaine is coming from as a result of reading these essays, and "Paper Daughter" is similar to a high school essay taken to a whole new level -- to the level of life.

She was very descriptive in describing her childhood, but it was much too rushed in the end. I didn't learn much about her high school experience, which is one of the most crucial times in your early life, and I had no idea what had gone on past eighth grade. Furthermore, I'd love to know how she was treated in Harvard, as she grew more and more detached from her family.

The author has an easy - going writing style which makes this book a good read, and I would definitely recommend it to anyone interested in reading an autobiography about a nonsuperfluous, unpretentious, normal human being.

Rating:
Summary: An Engrossing Memoir
Review: After I read this book, I feel really shock. The author show no respect to her family especially her parents.
I understand her difficult of live (poverty) but its doesn't mean she can judge her parents and show no respect to them.

Rating:
Summary: Two worlds
Review: Come experience two worlds that never really meld into one. A Chinese daughter of immigrant parents who tries to live in both worlds, old China (her parents may be here in the States, but never truly become part of the culture) and the USA . She finds she cannot live in both worlds without deep resentment and frustration and opts to reject her parents old ways in the end. This was an excellent view of the frustration and pain for both sides involved. Gives you a view of those who live in America, but are not really a part of it.

Rating:
Summary: Lonely daughter, sad heart
Review: From the first page, this moving memoir captures the essence of the transplanted life of a jook-kok, a Chinese-American child born in the old country. Born in Hong Kong, Elaine (her "American" name) immigrates to the United States when she is five years old. All her early childhood memories, the safety of a poor but well-ordered life are based on the identity and acceptance of her Hong Kong relatives.

In America, Elaine's nuclear family lives with her father's sister and her family in Denver, Colorado. Most of this extended family works long, ardous hours in the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant, preparing "Chinese" food and washing dishes. With the adults engaged in economic survival, Elaine and her young cousin, San, spend many hours supervised by Elaine's non-English speaking mother.

The most painful hours of Elaine's life are spent in school. She enters first grade with few language skills, unable to express herself adequately. Unable, as well, to defend herself against the taunts of the children, who call her "chink" and "slant-eyes". Gradually, as her command of language improves, as well as comprehension of American social nuances, Elaine begins to blend in with her classmates. With the longing of a child's heart, she is thrust daily into the fractured world of Chinese vs American. In spite of the painful solitude Elaine endures, she retains a strong sense of self, blindly reaching to make her life tolerable. Her mother will never comprehend the daughter's suffering, she has her own pain, and there are no Chinese words for what the child is experiencing.

This is a heartbreaking story of culture shock and self-survival. Elaine's acceptance in America depends upon her ability to adapt, to read the signs of her environment. Ultimately, her life is split in half, between Chinese and American. She makes difficult choices, at the cost of her Chinese heart. She has written this memoir to reclaim that heart, and to tell her family she has not forgotten. But they cannot read English words and she is forever outside the embrace of her two cultures. In the last sentence, M. Elaine Mar tells us, "Like my grandfather, I'd immigrated, with no way to send for my family."

Rating:
Summary: Eh, no big deal
Review: I read somewhere that the events in a person's life are only interesting to that person. So true in this case. Yeah, yeah, Asian girl picked on my American classmates. Asian girl must learn proper American table manners. blah blah blah. The flowery, overly-detailed descriptions were lame and contrived. It could have been a good story if it wasn't so full of self-pity and a narcissistic attitude. Poor child, auntie won't hug her. Poor dear, she can't date outside her ethnic background. It seems more like the diary of a confused and angry adolescent. Now, Amy Tan, that's an interesting writer!

Rating:
Summary: Eh, no big deal
Review: I read somewhere that the events in a person's life are only interesting to that person. So true in this case. Yeah, yeah, Asian girl picked on my American classmates. Asian girl must learn proper American table manners. blah blah blah. The flowery, overly-detailed descriptions were lame and contrived. It could have been a good story if it wasn't so full of self-pity and a narcissistic attitude. Poor child, auntie won't hug her. Poor dear, she can't date outside her ethnic background. It seems more like the diary of a confused and angry adolescent. Now, Amy Tan, that's an interesting writer!

Rating:
Summary: Could Have Been Better
Review: It was a sometimes interesting, very good FIRST DRAFT of a book.

I don't blame the writer.

The editing should have been more strenuous.

Some accounts go on forever, some important parts get glazed over.

But more than anything, the memories are just random bits. Nothing ties it all together, so to speak. And the ending is abrupt.

This book was about a year's work from being done.

I would encourage Ms. Mar to keep writing.

On a personal note...as an immigrant who came to the U.S. the same year and at the same age as Ms. Mar, I hope she has come to a place of acceptance, forgiveness, and love with her parents.

I felt very sorry for her, and more so for her family at the end of the memoir. The way it was written made it almost seem like it was her family and not just college she had graduated from.

I hope she has found a way to incorporate her family into her life.

I did learn a lot about Chinese-American culture and found it edifying to read her experience.

Rating:
Summary: An Outstanding Achievement for a First-Time Author
Review: M. Elaine Mar's Paper Daughter is an accomplishment. Mar gives a real and sometimes painful depiction of her life growing up as an immigrant to this country. Although often describing the sadness, anger, and other hardships her family faces, she also writes about the truly positive and special times she experiences with family members. I was so moved by her closeness with her father and his unfailing pride in her - even when he outwardly showed other feelings about his daughter. As a close friend of Mar, I gained a great deal of insight into her from reading her story. I highly recommend Paper Daughter, and look forward to reading more from Elaine!

Rating:
Summary: Refreshingly accurate
Review: Not only did I find the book an amazingly accurate account of Chinese values, but I admire it greatly as well. When I picked up this book I read it twice in a row. It takes a lot of strength to go back to your past - not only to reconstruct the thoughts you had, but to be true to yourself in the process of writing for the eyes of others. I feel Mar's memoir is accurate because many of the feelings she recounted I myself have felt. Being only 23, things are fresher in my mind, and it is somewhat easier for me to truthfully admit at least to myself that I had such anger towards my parents. But I also remember that underpinning all our conflicts is a great, great love. THIS IS WHAT MAR WRITES.

Another reviewer of this book said: "I hope the author is not expecting any sympathy or respect for this book, since she obviously lacks any for her own family. I was offended at the way she exposes her family's privacy with little thanks or appreciation for their struggle." This reviewer is missing the point somewhat, as if he/she read only the parts that were shockingly angry. First of all, it can't be denied that Mar has committed no "sin" in writing frankly about her family, flaws and all. Would it be a real memoir if she had not?

Second, and more importantly I think, is that Mar's book says much MORE than just "I hate my embarassing family." Her memoir does rare work: it documents how psychologically American culture (with its comparatively disbanded family structure) requires us to traumatically break from our families (our mothers, especially). The fact of this break is most significant in Mar because her mother did not learn that this is what Americans do, instead, Mar was so traumatized by her youth (surrounded by racists and classists) that she actively sought to buy into American culture and all its discontents. This book speaks volumes about American culture because Mar has the point of view of an outsider choosing to come in.