Life Is Too Short

Rating:
Summary: 'McCARTHY AT HOLLYWOOD AND VINE' (Episode #26)
Review:
*RING!....*RING!

McCARTHY : Uh....hullo?

INTERVIEWER : Hello! We are here today with Internet reviewer, Stephen T. McCarthy, who is going to give us his impression of 'Life Is Too Short', the autobiography of Mickey Rooney.

McCARTHY : Do you have any idea what time it is?

INTERVIEWER : It's 3 A.M., but I'll ask the questions, Stephen, if you don't mind. We understand that unbeknownst to you, your Mother had an autographed copy of this book in her bookshelf for 13 years, which you just recently discovered and read.

McCARTHY : Mmmm....yeah.

INTERVIEWER : Tell us about it. In your Amazon review of 'The Black Stallion,' you raved about Rooney's performance, calling it one of filmdom's finest. Did you also enjoy his book?

McCARTHY : Uh...not really. It relates a lot of interesting stories about Tinsel Town in the 1930s and 40s. And it will appeal to people who wish to learn more about the Stars and the Hollywood Studio System of those times. It also delivers the inside scoop on Mickey's eight marriages, and his relationship to Judy Garland.

INTERVIEWER : What were some of the more surprising things you learned?

McCARTHY : ZZZzzzzz....

INTERVIEWER : Stephen?

McCARTHY : Huh?...Oh! Uhm, well, according to Mickey, his discovery as a performer came as a result of a timely sneeze, and his life was narrowly spared a couple of times under odd circumstances. He seems to think it's every kid's dream to own an English sheepdog. The owner of Seabiscuit once spontaneously gave him an unsolicited opportunity to ride the famous racehorse hard for five-eighths of a mile. Mickey claims that during a chance encounter with a youthful Walt Disney, the artist decided to name his cartoon Mouse after him.

INTERVIEWER : You sound skeptical.

McCARTHY : Well...I dunno.

INTERVIEWER : Stephen, we know that you consider laughter to be the liquor of life. Was there any humor in this autobiography?

McCARTHY : Yeah, quite a bit. Of course, Mickey pokes fun at his well known lack of stature frequently. He once fought rival suitor, Howard Hughes over Ava Gardner : "Soon we were wrestling on Ava's front lawn, a gangling genius and a Hollywood gnome." He jokes that he lost sixteen dollars at his first horse race and then spent the rest of his life and millions of dollars trying to win that sixteen dollars back. He tells of a stupendous night of hard drinking with Astaire, Cagney and Powell. Waking the next morning with stupendous hangovers, Rooney said, "I'm afraid I'm going to die." To which Cagney replied, "I'm afraid I'm NOT going to die." And Mickey declares, "There WAS a time when I wasn't married. I forget when. Fifteen or twenty minutes, I think, in 1968." There's also a hilarious fan (?) letter from a Mrs. Ellie Jones of Idaho reprinted.

INTERVIEWER : Well then, Stephen, why only the 3-Star rating?

McCARTHY : ZZZzzzzz...

INTERVIEWER : Stephen!

McCARTHY : What? Oh...well...Just what is it about these gauche celebrities that compels them to publicly boast of their bedroom conquests? I hardly think we needed to know who Rooney got horizontal with, and when, where, and how many times. The guy seems to think he was writing for some Skin magazine half the time. Describing in detail his wife's private parts was entirely uncalled for! He revels in telling us how he did this blonde and how he did that brunette, and how he did the sixteen Japanese gals in a Tokyo lovefest. Frankly, a good deal of this book is embarrassing, disappointing, classless, and too self-promotional. I dunno who "loved" Mickey the most, his rabid fans or his randy tarts.

INTERVIEWER : Would you agree then that 'Life Is Too Short' could be summed up in the following verse? : It's true that the author is a man of renown / But his 'Life Is Too Short' may be partly tall tale / In which Mickey Rooney, the bad boy of 'Boys Town' / Bets the horse's nose and beds the Hollywood tail.

*CLICK!

INTERVIEWER : Hello?....Hello, Stephen?....Hmmm. Well, folks, there you have it. Be sure to join us here again next time on 'McCarthy At Hollywood And Vine,' when Stephen T. McCarthy will be reviewing the 1946, Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall, film noir classic, 'THE BIG SLEEP.'



Rating:
Summary: Not enough positive words to describe it
Review: This book is wonderfully written and there isn't a boring moment. You will discover facts about this legendary actor that will make your mouth drop open. If you are a die hard Mickey Rooney fan, you will be undoubtedly entertained.