Crucial Confrontations

Rating:
Summary: Peril or Opportunity?
Review: As I read this exceptionally informative book, I was again reminded of the fact that the Chinese word for "crisis" has two meanings: peril and opportunity. As those who have been or are now involved in process simplification initiatives already know, every problem encountered offers a valuable learning opportunity. The same is also true when encountering "broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior" either within or beyond the workplace. The authors of this volume address questions such as these:

What's a "crucial confrontation"?
What to do before one occurs?
How to know when -- and when NOT -- to initiate one?
How to "get your head right before opening your mouth"?
How to begin a crucial confrontation?
How to involve and engage others to take appropriate action?
How to make keeping commitments (almost) painless?
What to do when others "get sidetracked, scream, or sulk"?
What to do after a crucial confrontation?
How to gain commitment and move to action?
How to solve "big, sticky, complicated problems"?
How to deal with the truly tough? (i.e. the twelve "yeh buts")

The authors also provide four appendices: A self-assessment for measuring confrontation skills, "The Six-Source Model," "When Things Go Right," and discussion questions for reading groups. Although any one of the appendices is worth far more than the cost of this book, their greatest value will be derived when the information and counsel are correlated with the material which the authors share in the nine chapters.

My own rather extensive experience in the business world suggests that "broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior" really do offer both perils and opportunities. A careful reading of this book and then an equally careful application of the advice which the authors offer will, in my opinion, reduce (if not eliminate) the former while helping to achieve effective fulfillment of the latter.

Rating:
Summary: Creating a Culture of Performance
Review: Crucial Confrontations is the perfect companion book to its predecessor Crucial Conversations. Both are indispensable tools in creating a culture of performance. With its universally applicable principles and practical skills for resolving broken promises, violated expectations and bad behavior, it provides the diagnostic keys to unbundling seemingly complex issues that hold individuals, teams and organizations at a distance from their preferred futures. Beyond the welcome relief that comes from just cracking the code on a performance or relationship issue - these tools actually have the power to "knock people into gear" by making visible some of the long-term (seemingly invisible) costs associated with more typical coping or carping strategies. Without exaggeration, the skills that are suggested during a Crucial Confrontation entitled: Make it Motivating and Make it Easy can literally "change the chemistry" of the interaction to make closing the gap between what's expected and what's delivered a reality.

Rating:
Summary: TERRIFIC BOOK
Review: I saved my job by reading this book. One of my co-workers and I were having a difficult time getting along. I loved my job, but this friction between the two of us was really starting to bug me and although the job market is tight right now, I had decided to float my resume around and see what was out there.

BUt, I went to the bookstore and saw CRUCIAL CONFRONTATIONS. It had so much great advice on how to deal with confrontation in a positive way. By using the books advice, I was able to "confront" my co-worker and I realized we really were not that far apart in opinions...we just expressed them differently. It would be a stretch to say that we will be best friends, but I do think we have reached a common ground and I no longer feel the need to leave my job.

Go buy this book if you are have difficulty in your job. marriage or family...It is worth every penny.



Rating:
Summary: Speak up and maybe save your life
Review: I surprised myself by reading almost the entire book during a two-week trip to Thailand w. The authors do a great job of showing how NOT stepping up has allowed catastrophic consquences to result. For example, the co-pilot who chose not to speak up when the pilot was preparing to take off in freezing weather with ice building up on the wings. All that survived was the cockpit tape that has the copilot hinting at the danger and not taking a powerful stand with the pilot. Our circumstances are not likely to be that drastic, but it is really very serious business.

I like that the book recognizes that speaking up can be risky and talks about how to make reasonably sure that you won't hurt your career or relationship when you choose to speak up.

The keys to managing the conversation so you don't get off in the weeds and get a valuable result begin with stepping back for a moment and remembering how you got to your reaction. The authors say we start by seeing or hearing something, draw come conclusions, react and then take action. If you review what exactly are the facts you started with and what are the interpretations or conclusions you came to, you are free to share it as a story the other person can understand. If you speak as if your conclusions are facts, you can lose the rapport you need to have a good outcome.

I like the question the authors suggest asking yourself to get to how to start a conversation that doesn't amount to an attack: "What would cause a reasonable, rational and decent person to act like this?" Answering that question puts me in a frame of mind to begin with an attitude of mutual respect.

The other major key for me that I got out of the book is realizing that when someone does react badly during a conversation like this is that two key safety issues could be percieved as missing: mutual respect and mutual purpose. If you are ready to restore a sense of mutual respect and mutual purpose, then you can get back out of the weeds of someone reacting in ways you don't intend or that surprise you.

Providing a way of knowing what to do if things go wrong in the conversation is key to my being willing to take on having the conversation in the first place. Most people just keep quiet and there is a cost to that. Some people hold back until they blow up and that doesn't work very well either.

That is my three paragraph teaser about the book. I like that the book is based on over 20 years of studying people who excell at this type of conversation and distilling how they do it.


Rating:
Summary: Can't get too much of a good thing.
Review: In Crucial Confrontations these 4 author/practitioners continue on the Crucial Conversation path. They begin with definitions of terms, move to concrete examples and provide useful tools for improving dialogue in tough situations, in all aspects of life and work.

The ability to have a tool for measuring your abilities in holding crucial confrontations is appealing as we all like to know where we stand. They also offer lots of tools on their website that supports this current work - www.crucialconfrontations.com

There are no absolutes for how we hold crucial confrontations and these 4 authors provide a template from which to work so that anyone can be successful. Authentic, Credible and great to know you are not alone in this navigation toward improved communications.

Rating:
Summary: Wasn't Impressed
Review: Lots of diagrams and drawings, pointing arrows, etc. I felt as though I were back in class and was missing the required supplementary workbook.

This book seems to address mainly work situations where the reader is the boss and having difficulty with a recalcitrant employee. There just wasn't much for me here to apply to my own life.

Rating:
Summary: Help with Teenagers!
Review: This book has helped me to enter the sometimes scary world of teenage children. It gave me skills to keep "in dialogue" with my children even when confronting them on "bad behavior, broken promises, or failed expectations." Since first reading this book, I have practiced these skills and am getting better with my practice. I love the concept of keeping the conversation "safe". Its amazing that I can confront my children on issues that before they would blow up, but now we are able to agree and see things the same way. I love to end with the question - Do you see it the same way, or have I missed something? This helps them to know that I really have their best interests at heart. This book is a must-read for parents, teachers, employers, and employees. It has helped me to better my relationships in all aspects of my life.


Rating:
Summary: The Essential Guide to Confrontation
Review: We all have confrontations to deal with in our daily lives, both at work and at home. I head technology audit for a company and confrontation is a daily fact of life. Holding people accountable for actions, inactions and trying to change behavior is a stressful part of many people's jobs. This book provides an effective approach to handling all aspects of confrontation.

It even provides the often overlooked need for (effective) confrontation. Book illustrates this point with the example of the Challenger space shuttle tragedy (could have been averted had known issues been raised) and the tragic-comic example of a patient who went into hospital with an ear ache and came out with a vasectomy - because he wouldn't speak up!

Importantly, the authors provide practical approaches that can be applied in the real world in everyday life. This book's lessons can be applied in both professional and personal life. Wish I had it years ago.

This is a field guide for generating postive outcomes from confrontation in all aspects of life. An excellent what, when and how guide.