Lapham's Rules of Influence : A Careerist's Guide to Success, Status, and Self-Congratulation

Rating:
Summary: WARNING: contains 15mg of sarcasm per page
Review: An entertaining small book on the art of ingratiation; but only mildly funny for the uninitiated to Washington politics and Hollywood gossiping.

My personal favorite among the "Rules of Influence" can be found on page 57:

"The Distinction between a Winsome Blurb and an Angry Review"

"A winsome blurb is a tribute to the courage of the human spirit; an angry review is an insult to the goodness of your fellowman. Always write the winsome blurb; never write the angry review. [...]"

The funniest thing about my copy of the book was that someone who had borrowed it from the library before me had not realized that Lapham had written his "Rules of Influence" as (sarcastic) advice for sycophants and brownnosers. This unsuspecting reader dutifully marked with an orange highlighter sentences like "the first impression is also the last impression, which is why it is important to always wear clean shoes," or "seek out the acquaintance of people richer and more important than yourself and never take an interest in people who cannot do you any favors," or "Money attaches itself to velocity. Never stay in one job for more than five years, and remember that the most important person is the first one to leave the room. None of the best people travel with luggage or conviction."

For a stronger and truly original dose of sarcasm I recommend Ambrose Bierce's "The Devil's Dictionary" (1911); and if you prefer a more comprehensive view of the art of ingratiation, I suggest the well-researched and very smart "You're Too Kind: A Brief History of Flattery" (2000) by Richard Stengel.

Rating:
Summary: Reality based book, humorous because it's true.
Review: I'm an analytical, independent-minded person. As a result, I have missed many opportunities, simply because I didn't know how to act in an appropriate, subordinate way with others.

Lapham is right, "sucking up" is a valuable social skill. If you're a sociopath, don't read this book, since you already know everything. But if you're a reasonable person who has suffered because you don't understand how most people really work, this is the book for you! It is an easy read, and I revisit it often. It takes the stress out of dealing with people.

Rating:
Summary: He Knows Whereof he Speaks
Review: Lapham has a hard-won and well-earned reputation as one of this nation's premiere liberal satirists -- a kind of Michael Moore with a tie who works out of a wood-pannelled office on the eleventh floor of 666 Broadway, NYC. This slender volume elaborates on a theme Lapham has harped on from time immemorial: that the political and "chattering" classes of this fair land of ours practice a sort of backbiting skullduggery that would not be out of place at the court of the Sun King.

Well, that's all well and good. Lapham grew up, schooled, and lunches with those sorts, so he's in a position to know. But underlying this thesis -- and indeed, all of his writings -- is a type of nihilism found only in the rich and priveleged: he absolutely despises the clumsy beast that is democracy in America, and outside of a few friends, loathes the living citizens of the Republic. (One wonders: why doesn't he move to Italy and spew his poison from some villa, like his soul-mate Gore Vidal?) Lapham stands for nothing, believes in nothing, represents nothing other than a sort of down-the-nose contempt usually reserved for villans in bad melodramas played by actors with English accents.

I once worked as an intern at the august Harper's Magazine. At the time I liked the magazine, had a high regard for Lapham personally, and generally enjoyed his covering the American body politic with scorn and spittle. Then I grew up. And Lapham, existentially at least, got old; his essays took on, for me at least, an increasingly bitter tone. I despised, I realized, everything that Lapham, and people like Lapham, stood for: elitist contempt of America or more precisely Americans, the "nation of idiots" (spiritual brother Michael Moore's phrase) or "flyover country" -- the despised conservative American heartland.

I saw him last at Senator John McCain's rally on the steps of the Federal Building in downtown Manhattan in the early spring of 2000. Lapham, and a well-fed youngster who I took to be an intern, somehow ended up behind me. McCain took the stage, his overcoat held by Peter King, a Republican representative from Nassau County (it was a very cold day). "Oooh, tough guy," sneered the youngster. "Yeah," said Lapham, then delivering a series of coughs (he smokes heavily). "Tough guy. Ha ha."

What a study in contrasts: McCain, a Vietnam War veteran who endured five years of savage confinement by the North Vietnamese (Lapham would probably argue he had it coming, dropping bombs like he was on Uncle Ho), and Lapham, the grandson of the mayor of San Francisco, the child of fortune, the elite nihilist. (Lapham once told me he'd wanted to join the military, but couldn't because he was missing a toe. Maybe that's true; I haven't seen his feet.) But Lapham's utter moral and spiritual bankruptcy was writ large at that moment, in that sneering "tough guy" comment, directed at a man who, like his politics or not, is a genuine tough guy, for surviving the Hanoi Hilton if nothing else. Men like McCain seek to conserve what is good and decent in America, while those of Lapham's stripe can only sneer and spit between their hacking coughs. You can't choose your parents, but moral and spiritual choices are yours alone. McCain's conduct as a prisoner and congressman reveals the content of his character, while Lapham's words and sneers reveal the content of his.

Rating:
Summary: The Modern Courtier Handbook
Review: Lapham has written an entertaining, short, tongue-in-cheek book here; you can quickly read in under an hour. The book consists of 2 parts: a 42 page introductory essay, and then about 120 pages of his "rules," with one tip per page (some rules are only a couple lines on an otherwise blank page, which makes for quick reading).

The opening essay makes the argument that the courtier spirit is alive and well in America. In Europe's monarchies centuries ago, success could obtained by flattering the king. But in the US's democracy today, there are actually more 'kings' than there were then: there are CEOs, senators, executives, and editors -- they in turn control financial investments, defense contracts, government subsidies, book publications, and the media. As large corporations, governments and institutions become more pervasive, and power is concentrated into the hands of this new aristocracy, the more important it becomes to use of flattery, connections, networking, tact and image management in order get ahead. This observation is the heart of Lapham's thesis.

To apply this thesis to the real world, Lapham has 120 pages of "tips," many based on his personal experiences. Here's a few of his major points: One should only associate those more important people who can do you favors. When with the powerful, one should be polite, of course, but one should also avoid expressing strong opinions or emotions or ideas (although name-dropping is OK to show how connected you are). When speaking, one should have a certain seriousness and gravitas, but you need not say anything of substance -- he recommends using vague or abstract language full of cliché's & euphemisms, as they can actually a familiar comfort to listeners. Finally, one shouldn't try to be be brilliant or witty in public; realize that since mediocrity is the norm, an excessive display of intelligence could frighten others away.

Overall, Lapham's book was a fun read, though, as one reviewer wrote, it "drips acid." If you're an aspiring social climber or want to shimmy up the corporate ladder, and you're looking for some light reading & some pithy advice, then this book is highly recommended.

Rating:
Summary: Stunning and Simply Amazing
Review: Mr. Lapham's book only looks like a lightweight; it delivers a shrewd, tongue-in-cheek take on what it takes get ahead. Lapham lays an incredible yet logical foundation for his work in his introduction by describing the social and economic realities of our age. This incisive groundwork is just one of the reasons that makes this book so potent.

From there he details with elegant aplomb both spectacular and prosaic ways to climb the ladder of success. Particularly interesting to me were tidbits, like those from a wise, experienced uncle, which could garner less respect by virtue of being simplistic notions, however Lapham handles those in an extraordinarily entertaining way, while emphasizing the utility at the same time.

Having lived amidst the exalted lifestyles that power creates, it is Mr. Lapham's assurance of his viewpoint that makes the information in this book so valuable.

This book would make a great gift for the college graduate who desires to make something of him/herself. Its funny, charming, and sometimes delightfully outrageous master ploys are amazing. While it's too early to reveal the results of my subjective testing, suffice to say, you may be very pleased with the results.