How to Argue and Win Every Time: At Home, at Work, in Court, Everywhere, Every Day

Rating:
Summary: Tree Hugging Claptrap
Review: Do your homework. Be honest. Tell an interesting story. These are the essential elements of a well-crafted argument, advises Gerry Spence and, in deed, his advice makes a lot of sense. Of course, nine words do not a salable book make, so in his effort to pad it to a marketable length, Mr. Spence causes his reader to hack through hundreds of pages of his particular brand of new age, tree-hugging, anti-corporate claptrap. At one point Mr. Spence encourages the shy among us to develop our oratory skills by sequestering ourselves in the wilderness and unload our pent-up emotions on rocks and trees, graduating a few weeks later to reading phone listings with all the thespianic gusto we can muster (I'm reminded of the old SCTV bit about a television ad- "John Houseman reads the white pages- available on cassette or 8-track!"). Talk about a captive audience.

He can also be irritatingly contradictory, such as when, early in the book, he rightly notes that parents and children can never be friends because true friendship implies that the parties to a friendship are peers, something parents and children can never really be. Yet later in his chapter on arguing with one's children, Mr. Spence argues that the problem with kids today is a result of being raised by evil, parents-as-tyrants. Were we to relate to our children as friends our children would grow up to be well-adjusted, responsible, law abiding adults....

While there are some humorous parts, particularly his advice on how not to argue with one's wife, Mr. Spence's leftist, even-flowers-have-feelings diatribe makes for eye-rolling reading. And yet, I recommend plowing through it so that you'll be better prepared to defend yourself in the midst of a master truth-spinner with the skills of Mr. Spence.

Rating:
Summary: Pretty helpful....
Review: Overall the book presented a lot of good ideas. The best was probably the concept of story-telling. I always looked for better ways of effective communication but never thought of actually rephrasing my dead words into stories that are 'alive'. The listener/reader automatically holds his attention longer and more raptly and it truly works wonders.

I totally agree that 'winning is getting what we want'. If only everyone understood it. Very often do you see people exalting over defeating an opponent and goes on to tease or even insult him/her but that is not what we should be doing. If we are right, we should be happy that we have successfully communicated the proper view to the opponent, correcting his view. And if we are wrong, we should be glad that our mistaken view has now been corrected by our opponent. There is no embarassment in 'losing'. In fact, as Gerry Spence rightly puts it, we win on both counts.

He got a bit off-track in the last two chapters about children and work but those were the more interesting chapters I guess. I have to disagree with most of his views regarding arguing with children as he seems to write about a rather utopian scenario where your kids will self-discpiline themselves if you give them freedom. Unfortunately, kids abuse the opportunity more often than they use it.

But in the end, it clarifies many things about the philosophy about arguments in general and is in indeed worth reading...

Rating:
Summary: A Must Read !
Review: This book changed my life. I had all these thoughts wondering in my head, and Mr. Spence displayed them out on paper in such a wonderful story manner. Anyone who knows anything about people skills, will know the importance of presenting thoughts in a story form. People love stories, they feel for stories, and most of all, they remember stories. This is an important point in Mr. Spence's book. His stories are sensational with compelling arguments. This is not a miracle book that can make an antisocial person into a great orator. You must have some ablity to convey your message. And if you do, this is the book for you. It can change your life. You will see others arguments in a different light. The best argument lets the winner win, without allowing the loser to truly lose. I love this book, just read it, you'll see.