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Women's Fiction
Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls

Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls

List Price: $29.99
Your Price: $18.89
Product Info Reviews

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Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Talk to Moms too
Review: Talking to the girls was a wonderful idea but talking to the moms might have created more doable guidelines. I have enjoyed the book and only suggest for authors to not only talk about stressful experiences in their studies - as their main goal in mind - but to branch out and ask other significant people what they think about the situation. For example, many of the moms in my daughter's volleyball group, act exactly like the sweet agressive bullies in question. I think it lends a hand and practice for the daughters to mimic their moms. So many people who do research often overlook really helping the reader with doable and practical remedies. It is not only devastating to kids but to moms as well as dads and other family members to deal with this type of behavior. Picking up the pieces is hard and it's not only scary to overcome such overwhelming and life draining experiences but it's also critical to bounce back for the sake of your child. Also recommended: The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander, 2003 by Barbara Coloroso, (the book leaves no question unanswered and is awesome), and Mommy-CEO, 2001 book, by syndicated family columnist, Jodie Lynn (the book is on various family issues and how to get kids to respect others as well as themselves).

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: I liked the book and her ideas are important but.....
Review: I liked the book and think her ideas are important but I find that I must agree with some of the other posters and say that she included way too many case studies and and I was disappointed to find that she spent too little time on solutions to the problems she addresses. It would have been great to read some success stories based on the advice she gives at the end of the book.

I think the author also forgets that there usually is some middle ground in female hierarchies. Unless things have radically changed since I was in school, there usually is a group of girls in any given class that aren't swayed much by the popular crowd. Yes, they might not make the popular groups "cut" but they aren't shunned either. And even if these girls made the "cut" they don't like the popular group and don't want to be a part of it anyway. When you read "Odd Girl Out" you get the feeling that girls are either fated to be popular or outcasts. For most women, I think our friendships are a patchwork quilt that contains both loyal and enduring friendships along with episodes of betrayal in our less successful friendships.

That said....I would recommend this book to anyone I know raising daughters. I don't understand why feminist groups would deny these undercurrents in female behavior. Any woman knows that they exsist and endure throughout our lives. I've seen some junior high antics prevail amongst supposed professionals in the workplace. I can't wait to see someone write "Odd Women Out".

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Growing pains
Review: This book is a must read for all public school teachers and parents of preadolescent and teenage girls. I was the "odd girl out" in fifth grade. There were two girls in my class who were best friends , "Miss Prefect" and her "Sidekick". The two girls had a disagreement at a birthday party which I did not attend. The two girls were not on speaking terms. I become Sidekick's playmate. We played together at recess and lunch. One day Miss Prefect's mother showed up at the school and had a meeting with our teacher. Suddenly Sidekick no longer was speaking to me and everyone avoided me. I had always been an outsider in the class because I was the smallest, shiest and poorest child in the class. From the point on I was either in the group or the outcast depending on who was talking to whom. It was not until I was in college that I find another girl group to belong to. But that experience thirty-two years ago left me with a mistruth of other females.

Since that incidence in fifth grade I have encountered other sweet female aggressors. I used to work two sweet women who constantly complained about me to my supervisors. One day I just could not see myself being the "right" employee so I quit. I have seen other women quit jobs because they happened to be the outcast.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Worth reading, but. . .
Review: I liked a lot of what Rachel Simmons had to say in this book. It's a relief to see someone finally treating the dark world of teenage social competition seriously-- recognizing it for the soul-crushing experience it is for many, many girls.

But the book could have been a *lot* shorter. Much of what comes out in her exhaustive (and exhausting) interviews is already perfectly obvious to anybody who's been through the pubescent social wringer once or twice, and after the first couple of chapters it gets *very* repetitive. I also question her tendency to blame girls' underhanded aggression on the clash between the "empowered woman" ideal we actively teach and the ingrained traditional ideal of the compliant, "nice" girl. Somehow I think girls were doing these things long before the idea of female empowerment came into vogue, but Simmons doesn't even try to give it a historical context.

She has excellent advice in the last couple of chapters for parents and girls. I'm not so sure about the suggestions for schools and teachers: she argues so well earlier in the book that teachers are pretty much helpless, and that when they do get involved they are likely to make the situation worse. It's kind of far-fetched to believe that a week of teacher inservice is going to change that.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Growing pains
Review: This book is a must read for every teacher in America. I was a victim of the "isolation treatment" in fifth grade and have never forgotten it. I was the smallest, shiest girl in the class who was always on the outer fringe of the cliques. I also came from a poor family and did not socialize with the other classmates. One day the most popular girl in class and her best friend had a disagreement. Everybody but me sided with the most popular girl. I suddenly had a best friend. We played together a recess. Then one day the mother of the most popular girl showed up at school and talked to the teacher. The two girls made-up. But I no longer had a best friend and everyone was "mad" at me. From then on I never knew who would speak to me or play with me. I do not have another "best friend" until I was in college.
Unfortunately I have since women verbally abuse either other in the workplace. I know women who were fired because their coworkers ganged up on them and constantly complained about them to higher management. Evenually the higher management fired the "wrong women".

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: A must read for girls and parents
Review: I saw this book at my local bookstore and decided to pick up a copy for a friend whose daughter is just entering this stage. I ended up reading the whole book myself overnight, before passing it along. As someone who was both a perpetrator and a victim of social aggression in my middle school years, it was a comfort and a long-needed explanation for what I had been through (and what I had put others through). These memories, though disjointed, are still a very vivid and real part of my reality as an adult. I still see these methods of aggression in people my own age (mid-twenties) and older, who act out in the same ways as described in this book. Lucky for me, I have been able to recognize and avoid these types of relationships for a long time now.

Simmons offers some valuable insight into the social games of young girls, and puts into words the misery that so many of us could only sum up to the "evilness" of girls. Her solution to the problem is a bit simplistic and unrealistic, but the very fact that the book opens up discourse on this subject is a very definite step in the right direction.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: You aren't alone!
Review: If you or your daughter has ever experienced the cold shoulder, the icy glare or the table that has no more room - this book is for you! Know that you - or your daughter - are not alone. Simmons gives credibility to this sociological phenonenon - the common struggle of girls and friendships - and given the painful experience a voice! No longer should we sweep the evil behavior of some girls under the rug or shrug it off as a phase...it should be identified as bullying, labeled as such...and NOT TOLERATED! Aside from sharing stories in which to relate, Simmons offers practical advice on how to cope with the experiences. I recommend this book highly.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: This book is fabulous.
Review: I read this in a night- I'd recommend to any female, of any age. I'm 32 & some of this stuff I still hadn't pieced together- I used to be one of those for whom meanness did not compute. As far as being clinical, it's largely in the introduction & is probably necessary for Simmons to establish credibility among her peers- skip it if you don't like it & get right to the case studies- you will see yourself.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: An Illuminating and Important Book
Review: Rachel Simmons has written something really special here. Reading this book, I remembered several experiences that I had buried somewhere deep in my psyche. But more importantly, even as a grown woman, I find myself in situations like these (like I'm back in eighth grade) and this book has really been a huge help in recognizing this sort of behavior immediately. This is a book that every woman who felt 'left out' or like an outsider in school should read, and a book that every parent of a daughter should read. Keep in mind that this book doesn't solve the problem, it only identifies it - but that's half the battle, and it's one that Rachel Simmons has won triumphantly.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Hard to read
Review: I saw this book on the Oprah show and it looked very interesting. However, the author focuses way too much on her research methods rather than drawing conclusions from the research. She also spends too much time giving unnecessary details of each subject's situation. Another annoying factor is that the author constantly throws in references to the movie 'Heathers', as if we all should have seen & memorized it. The only value in this book is that it will remind you that you are not alone in your past or present feelings of isolation and/or loneliness.


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