In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing With Manipulative People

Rating:
Summary: Short yet precise
Review: After I read Dr. Simons' book, understanding his writing perfectly (because it wasn't watered down with a ton of repetition, but good real life examples of people in this destructive dance across the board) I had the best day in my life, confident and sure of myself. I still feel very empowered with the knowledge he has given me on this subject. It felt like he pulled me up from a deep dark well. I think you will be able to relate to all the examples that he gives. I have read many books concerning the same subject matter, but Dr. Simons' experience, multi dimentional, panoramic, and thoughtful understanding with people victimized by aggressive controllers shines through. Small book, small price, huge deal in my opinion. Excellent replacement for thousands of dollars and many hours of therapy, if someone or many folks in your life are driving you crazy.

Rating:
Summary: Where were you...
Review: ... when I needed you. This is a book that I wish I had discovered years ago. Imagine thinking someone is really fragile, when in fact they are stronger than you. Maybe I should say they are really agressive and masterfully using your weaknesses against you. Thankfully, it is not never to late to learn.

Rating:
Summary: Buy This Book First!
Review: After having read several books on several different self-help topics, psychology books, psychiatry books, etc., I MUST recommend you buy this one, first.

It cuts straight through the bs - neatly and cleanly.

If you are wondering what the heck is wrong with YOU and just can't seem to pin it down, I highly recommend starting here to discover what's at the heart of several disorders, at least how they will affect you when you deal with toxic, intolerant, self-important, crazy-making individuals.

Bottom line: I no longer CARE what's wrong with them. If they can't bother to diagnose themselves, why should I bother? I just want to spot these waterheads from a distance so I can steer clear, and control the damage from those I can't avoid, such as my insane family.

When you "See Through" the techniques as they happen, the only hard part will be keeping a straight face as you expertly deflect their sickness.

And I free my time for concentrating on living MY LIFE on MY TERMS. Wonderful!

And yes, it may seem like common sense, but bear in mind you are dealing with highly skilled manipulators. They've had years and years of experience being covertly aggressive - do not underestimate their power. It happens so quickly, so subtly, you must arm yourself with tools to fight such monsters. The short text makes it possible to "refresh" your "common sense" before facing a nut-inducing encounter (family, co-workers, spouse, etc.)

I have bought copies of this book for friends and can't recommend it enough.

Best wishes & good luck!



Rating:
Summary: I Needed This Book Years Ago
Review: Covert aggressive personality model-I never knew this type of personality existed until I was in the way of what it wanted! This book so clearly describes all of the manipulative tactics this personality uses to gain control of what they want (and if you're in their way-watch out!). The book helps you identify your own weaknesses that this personality will try to exploit, and how not to play into their hands-for that's where a lot of the manipulation occurs. The person I experienced would stop at nothing to get her way. Yet, gained the sympathy of others, and had them do her dirty work for her. This is a practical guide for how to recognize and handle this type of person, and believe me, it's not easy. The book helps change any naive views you may have about the core of some people's nature. I found the knowledge I gained from the book empowering for understanding how the covert personality ticks, and ways to handle them. This book educates you to give up the notion that all people are insecure. Some just use that as a ploy to get their way. The person I dealt with used all of the manipulative ploys, and was convincing to others. I wish I had known about this book while I was dealing with this personality type! Educate yourself, as there are people who seem so sweet, yet use all their relationships to gain their own power and control. And if they do get caught, have all of the excuses! The scary part is they stop at nothing to gain control, yet do it in such an underhanded way that even the people who sympathize with them often don't realize that they are simply being used!

Rating:
Summary: great information!
Review: This book describes my father-in-law to the "T"! If there is someone in your life who has an aggressive personality, I recommend this book for you. This book helped me to understand the nature of human aggression and the tactics frequently used, including deception and manipulation. This is not a book that gives advice strictly applying to male/female intimate relationships. Rather, it aims to provide the reader with information regarding aggressive personalities in general. The book might be helpful to you if you have a boss, co-worker, or family member that is constantly pushing to get his or her way. Here are some characteristics listed in the book that describe a person with an aggressive personality: they always want to have their way and win, they seek power and dominance over others, they lack internal brakes (don't know when to stop pushing an issue), they resist cooperation, they foster chaos in the family, and there is no way to please them. There are many other traits explained in the book as well as advice on how to deal with this type of person. The book is a quick read (119 pages), but the information is specific and to-the-point.

Rating:
Summary: He forgot one big tactic
Review: This was one of the best books on the topic I have read so far. Simon does a very effective job in bringing to light what is actually (covertly) happening to you WHILE its happenning in an easy-to-see manner. Good for identifying and dealing with the behavior in the future.
This is a very good book for covert-manipulation when done TO you.
However, the author forgot to include tactics for when the behavior takes place THROUGH the victim. This treatment is somewhat more complex and very difficult to deal with since the ultimate victim has no control of what is happening around her/him. "Triangle" manipulation is very prevalent among in-laws and extended families where the offspring is told to 'tell' another person this or that to get someone else in the family to behave in a certain way. It's important to understand why it goes unnoticed by the victims.

Rating:
Summary: Where were you...
Review: Written by someone who doesn't pass the blame, Simon tells it like it is. He puts the responsibility for abusive behavior squarely on the shoulders of the perpetrator. Controlling, manipulative people are free to make choices, but they choose narcissistic processes and outcomes. We must stop excusing their bad behavior and confront it.
Simon says (!) his readers have to take responsibility for their own lives; since they aren't likely to change their perpetrators' behaviors; victims must change the pattern of interaction with perpetrators---and that's the key.
His suggestions aren't just off-the-cuff remarks. They work! For instance, have you ever noticed how hard it is to think of what to say in the moment? How easily we can think of a perfect retort after the moment has passed? Simon's simple suggestion to say, "Will you please repeat that?" works wonders. It's just the break one needs to collect thoughts. Simultaneously, it throws the perpetrator off-base. They don't want to repeat themselves, particularly now that others might be listening more closely. Insults never come out the second time with the same conviction. Next, we're advised to repeat back the insult, such as, "You feel I am _____. Do I understand you correctly?" Being certain you understand the intentions of alleged perpetrators is important. Authors like Patricia Evans (Controlling People) see insults at every turn, her perpetrators typically being stereotypical men or "mothers". Sometimes words don't come out as intended. We don't need to do battle with those we misunderstand.
Once you grasp the accusation and have gathered enough facts to assess the situation, Simon advises you offer the perpetrator the option of taking the discussion into a more private session. It's easier to settle differences when not performing before an audience.
He goes futher with terrific insights and suggestions, but buy the book. It's the most helpful one I've ever read on the topic (and out of misery and desperation, I've read reams). I grew up in the home of a woman who made it clear to me she didn't love me; I walked into a horrendously abusive relationship right out of high school, then I moved on to a controlling husband for the past two decades. For the first time in my life, I understand why I perceive people are "always taking advantage of me". I've let them. Since I've been speaking up, I feel empowered and alive. This book saved my perspective, if not my life, without encouraging me to swing the pendulum too far in the opposite direction.