How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing With Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities

Rating:
Summary: Life-Changing Book
Review: Dr. Lund's book is one of the most influential books I have read. The subtitle to the book is "Dealing with Toxic and Difficult to Love Personalities." His prior book "The Art of Giving and Receiving Criticism," contained some of the information in this current book, but "How to Hug a Porcupine" is better organized and more concise.

The book spends a large amount of time in identifying the characteristics of "emotional porcupines." These emotional porcupines are usually people that seek to control their lives and the lives of others. They constantly throw emotional quills and consequently are difficult to hug without impaling one's self. The most intersting part of the book is on how to live with a "porcupine." The strength of this self-help book is that it gives you concrete ways to protect and arm yourself from the damaging quills of emotional porcupines.

Soon after reading this book, I changed my cell phone to read "No Critics", to remind me of the damage that any criticism (there is no such thing as constructive criticism according to Lund) can do to others and to remind me to not criticize.

Dr. Lund's book is full of insight and, most importantly, methods on how to improve yourself if you are a porcupine and also on how to deal with porcupines without damaging your own ego. Dr. Lund also has a tape out that covers similar material, but I believe was recorded well before he wrote this book. This is a book that can help anyone in their relationships with children, siblings, parents or spouses.

Rating:
Summary: Life-Changing Book
Review: Dr. Lund's book is one of the most influential books I have read. The subtitle to the book is "Dealing with Toxic and Difficult to Love Personalities." His prior book "The Art of Giving and Receiving Criticism," contained some of the information in this current book, but "How to Hug a Porcupine" is better organized and more concise.

The book spends a large amount of time in identifying the characteristics of "emotional porcupines." These emotional porcupines are usually people that seek to control their lives and the lives of others. They constantly throw emotional quills and consequently are difficult to hug without impaling one's self. The most intersting part of the book is on how to live with a "porcupine." The strength of this self-help book is that it gives you concrete ways to protect and arm yourself from the damaging quills of emotional porcupines.

Soon after reading this book, I changed my cell phone to read "No Critics", to remind me of the damage that any criticism (there is no such thing as constructive criticism according to Lund) can do to others and to remind me to not criticize.

Dr. Lund's book is full of insight and, most importantly, methods on how to improve yourself if you are a porcupine and also on how to deal with porcupines without damaging your own ego. Dr. Lund also has a tape out that covers similar material, but I believe was recorded well before he wrote this book. This is a book that can help anyone in their relationships with children, siblings, parents or spouses.

Rating:
Summary: You are not going crazy, only being driven crazy
Review: I will not cover info already covered by the other reviewers. One noteworthy addition to what has been stated is the clear information on loving as compared to trusting a toxic person. Many who deal with toxic people feel guilt themselves, feeling that they must continue to lay themselves bare for the inevitable criticism bound to spew forth from their loved ones. The info on love vs. trust describes how to protect your emotions (to entrust them to those who are worthy) from toxic people - how to love them emotionally while not necessarily trusting them emotionally.

Rating:
Summary: Love vs. Trust
Review: I will not cover info already covered by the other reviewers. One noteworthy addition to what has been stated is the clear information on loving as compared to trusting a toxic person. Many who deal with toxic people feel guilt themselves, feeling that they must continue to lay themselves bare for the inevitable criticism bound to spew forth from their loved ones. The info on love vs. trust describes how to protect your emotions (to entrust them to those who are worthy) from toxic people - how to love them emotionally while not necessarily trusting them emotionally.

Rating:
Summary: You are not going crazy, only being driven crazy
Review: This book was like finding a miracle for me. I have dealt with several difficult people in my life. I didn't know that this was not normal behavior. One of them was my mother who is now 85 years old and getting a more difficult personality everyday. This book has helped my perspective in dealing with her immensely. The one sentence, "decide what a reasonable person would do" has been a sanity saver. I have taken my life back and am learning to deal with all the guilt she dishes out in a more positive manner.

I have already given this book to several others that I know are dealing with a toxic personality. Good luck to you, this book will help you deal with these people in a more healthy way.