Rating: 
Summary: A Conspiracy of Kindness
Review: At a time when conflict is routinely invoked as a response to conflict, Laura Davis calls us to think with our hearts. I Thought We'd Never Speak Again is well researched with each story of reconciliation openning a fresh sense of possibility in a desperately conflicted world. I cant recommend the timely pub-lication of this book more highly. Read it and live by it. It will change your life.
Rating: 
Summary: From a Father
Review: For people I call "accusers," and she calls "victims," this book looks at reconciliation from every conceivable angle. It details the benefits and lists the steps for any who may be interested. I like to think that I am a fairly good writer, but I am not nearly as good as Laura Davis. She is expert.While Ellen Bass did not co-author this book, she did cooperate in its writing. Like The Courage to Heal, the new book includes personal accounts by many other people, telling their stories and expressing their attitudes. Similarly it includes many of the same terms, such as "validate," "survivor," "healing," and "perpetrators," and it never considers the possibility of a false memory. The temper of her new book seems to have changed from accusative and combative, as in The Courage to Heal, to open and gentle, and it leads the reader to focus more on the future and less on the past.
While her writing is addressed to "victims," I found its soft, conciliatory tone to be very easy to read, quite relaxing even. But some of the personal accounts which she included were not as soft or conciliatory. One in particular made me furious. It involved a lesbian whose father had touched her inappropriately once when she was a young teenager. Even though he confessed and apologized, as an adult, she humiliated and brow beat him in at every opportunity and steadfastly refused to forgive him, or to soften in any way. I had to remind myself that while this was an account included by the author, these were not her words. What do I think is good about it? Laura Davis writes in favor of understanding. On page 55 there is a superb explanation of the way the generation gap affected our daughters. She urges daughters to find common ground, and asks them to consider things from the other person's perspective. She says "The changes are going to have to happen inside of me," and asks "What kind of person do I want to be?" She asks the reader to think about "What I can do, instead of what was done to me." That it was Laura Davis who wrote this book should encourage accusers (victims) to read it. In a pleasant, non-pushy way, she repeatedly and persistently talks about reconciliation. Many times, she brings up the benefits of reconciliation. Laura Davis doesn't make judgments for her reader. She gives examples from life, and asks questions to make her reader think. There is also an excellent summary and a very good set of review questions at the end of her book. I did find it disturbing that Ms. Davis did not speak in favor of forgiveness unless the accused parent confessed. If I can accept that my daughter believes I assaulted her, why can't she accept that I am convinced I didn't? The fact is that we are both right. She has her memories, of the way things were, and so do I. If that sounds irreconcilable, read I Thought We'd Never Speak Again. You'll be glad you did.
Rating:
Summary: Pure Genius
Review: For the coauthor of The Courage to Heal to publish a how-to guide to reconciliation-- you just have to take off your hat in the presence of that kind of chutzpah.
Rating:
Summary: Reconciliation: A Path to Healing
Review: In reading Laura Davis's book, I was struck by how often the smallest thing can cause a rift and tear apart a life. When she discusses the various ways that people have been able to heal these rifts, it gives me great hope for our world. We are at war because people cannot reconcile, cannot stop fighting and hating long enough to even consider a way back. Yet for the future of our children and our planet, a way must be found. "I Thought We Would Never Speak Again" provides many examples to help find our way, including that of Arab and Israeli children meeting and truly getting to know each other for the first time, not as evil stereotypes, but as humans and even friends.
The sage Mencius said: "The men of old, wishing to clarify and diffuse throughout the Empire that light which comes from looking directly into the heart and acting, first set up good government in their own states. Wanting good government in their own states, they first established order in their families. Seeking order in their families, they first disciplined themselves. Wishing to discipline themselves, they first rectified their hearts."
Laura's book shows us the steps to rectify our hearts so we can then reconcile our relationships in order to open a path to healing.
Rating:
Summary: the healing power of reconciliation
Review: Laura Davis has done a very brave and spritual thing in writing this much-needed book which exposes the virtues of healing the deep-seated rifts that occur between human beings. Written simply and clearly, I THOUGHT WE'D NEVER SPEAK AGAIN offers relevant examples of how others have managed to reconciliate, ranging from families that reach out to one another after years of heartbreaking estrangement to Palestineans and Israelies who manage to find understanding. In focusing on the benefits of healing relationships, Davis offers welcome alternatives for those mired down in anger and antagonism. She provides hope for those seeking an end to heartbreaking separation from loved ones and offers practical advice on how to go about initiating reconciliation. This book is even more meaningful in view of the fact that in it Davis has come full circle from her previous stance in A COURAGE TO HEAL, which encouraged taking a hard line and breaking up families, a road Davis traveled in her own life. She is to be commended for the great courage and maturity she has shown in embracing reconciliation and healing the relationships in her own family and for seeking to help others do so. This is a must-read for anyone who has experienced the tragedy of severed relationships.
Rating:
Summary: I Thought We'd Never Speak Again: The Road from Estrangement
Review: Laura Davis is remarkable in her insights and her sensitivity will help thousands find reconciliation from their estranged relationships. Laura Davis, thank you for pointing the way back for relationships and families. You've hit another homerun! Steven Down
President
FinanciallyFit.com
Rating:
Summary: this book is a must-read
Review: Laura Davis' new book is just what we need most now...as individuals and as a planet: guidance in mending relationships we might have given up on as hopeless. The book covers a wide range of estrangement stories from children and parents to Nazis and Jews. There is no one pat formula for reconciliation, nor is the word "forgiveness" used lightly. The book offers step by step guidanace for reconciliations that cover a lot of ground, from the heart-breaking tenderness of two people rediscovering their love for each other, to letting go of a relationship and finding internal resolution. This book is a must-read if you are estranged from anyone in your life and wish you knew how to build bridges and mend fences while keeping your self-esteem intact.
Rating:
Summary: Pure Genius
Review: Laura has given me so much to think about. I have been estranged from my sister for 12 years. She has given me insights and ideas that I hope will help heal this relationship.
I highly recommend the book.
Rating: 
Summary: well meaning and will help some people
Review: There is a lot of praise being given to this book, and it is deserved, but the other side of it is the poor quality scholarship resulting from a failure to discuss a fair number of relevant views. I think this book will be helpful to people in many situations. I applaud Davis for speaking out in favor of compassion and reconconciliation. However, I think the solutions presented here will not always work. My concern in particular regards the Middle East and incest. I think the problems involved in the Middle East are complex. Maybe if enough people followed Davis's advice, it would work. The problem is that it is extraordinarly difficult to get people to sit down and talk to each other. Then there's incest. Davis is admirably taking steps to end the "cut off" craze of the early 90's. The problem is that family relationships when incest has occurred are enormously complex. I really, really wish that Davis had included a discussion of the findings of therapists who have spent decades studying abuse and trauma. Among the most prominent therapists, whose work is not discussed, are Judith Lewis Herman, James Chu, Christine Courtois, and Bessel van der Kolk. All of these people have said things that are directly relevant. Herman says that in her opinion, the perpetrator must apologize before reconciliation can occur (a finding Davis dismisses on the basis of interviews with one person - not an impressive analysis in my opinion). Chu talks quite a bit about the need for responsibility in post-traumatic therapy, and how that impacts relationships. Courtois talks about "ambivalent attachments" and how people who have been abused are often strongly attached to their abusive caretakers, but highly conflicted about family relationships. Van der Kolk has spent quite a bit of time studying traumatic memory and discussing when memories are more vs. less trustworthy. It is clear to me that all of this work is essential to a responsible discussion of reconciliation, but none of it is included. Perhaps for those fortunate few who are lucky enough to be in great therapy, this is irrelevant, because their therapists make use of this work. But then there's everyone else. In thinking about this book, and its blithe discussion that reconcilation should not be attempted until far along in recovery, I think of two things. The first is therapist Sarah Krakauer's discussion that at least one insurance company recommends therapists deny treatment in case of recovered memory, due to fear of lawsuits. The second is the case of the unfortunate young woman, described by Courtois, who committed suicide after being told she had "false memory syndrome". In this adversarial climate, it's hard not to view Davis's book as a beautifully written promoter of healing for the fortunate few who've "got theirs," while ignoring those who are despairing down there in the trenches, with no support. Also, the work of Dr. Jennifer Freyd, as well as her position at the center of the delayed memory controversy, is not discussed. Freyd has spent a fair amount of time building a theory about "betrayal trauma," which is not given any consideration here. With this much (in my opinion) essential discussion missing, I question the value of this book's conclusions. Compassion is essential, but so is accurate information. Davis is well meaning and this book has value. It may change lives and that is great! But in my opinion, a more thorough analysis was really essential.
Rating:
Summary: I Thought We'd Never Speak Again
Review: This book has rocked my world. I literally have a different life after having read it. It has led me to take giant steps toward multiple personal reconciliations that have held me hostage for years, while also giving me a sense of collective purpose-- the significance of this kind of work toward a vision of reconciliation on a global scale can not be underestimated.. Am I the 100th monkey? All I can tell you is that from these pages came real changes . The stories evoked alot of head nodding and tears, with my own stories of estrangement suddenly having a tangible context within which to flourish and take heart... Maybe it was the great empathy with which it was written, or the detailed way in which Ms Davis is able to take us down that jungle path into the contrary ways of the heart ...these things followed by stories of those doing the good work of reconciling entire classes of people in political or religious conflict made for one very moved, well fed, and lately enlightened monkey.
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