COMPASSION AND SELF HATE : AN ALTERNATIVE TO DESPAIR

Rating:
Summary: Not a bad book
Review: A somewhat useful book I must say. To go over details is useless here because the book is good only for the right reader and I think it's not intended for someone very young (not that it will hurt a young reader ) but one has to have accumulated a bit of life experience to relate to what the author talks about. However, there are imperfections: as any analyst's book it's too watery to my taste (though I gotta say, unlike the rest of similar literature he doesn't bash the reader with a profusion of citations from other authors, nor does he use creative fiction as a source of examples (the latter is the most inane habit of analytical authors.) Also, the author either needs to get him a Chicago (or any other) Manual of Style, or somehow inveigle his editors into doing more careful editing--the book is full of annoying writing mishaps that, while not really destroying the overall value of it, do impede reading and irritate. Things like saying "mitigate against" obviously instead of "militate againt", and the like; awkward passages leave a bad taste in the reader's mouth--you'd think that a medical doctor, in addition to professional competence, ought to be a literate person in general. But again, the book's not bad at all, especially if you consider that most of books falling under the self-improvement rubric is mind-bogglingly dishonest commercial junk.

Rating:
Summary: great
Review: i've read this 2 or 3 times..lost my copy..so, getting another..with wisdom, acceptance, intelligence and love Dr. Rubin lays it right on the line..tremedously insightful and makes a perfect 'bible' for confidence and trudging with trust through self-put downs...john

Rating:
Summary: What a turnaround
Review: This book has helped me more than anything I have read. I have been working on compassion for others, but forgot about myself. If you have any behaviors that you want to extract from your life, this will help. Self hate is certainly where I got most of my bad behaviors, and have been working on them for a while. With this book I have found the key to unlocking my self hate and put in its place compassion and self love.

Rating:
Summary: What a turnaround
Review: This book has helped me more than anything I have read. I have been working on compassion for others, but forgot about myself. If you have any behaviors that you want to extract from your life, this will help. Self hate is certainly where I got most of my bad behaviors, and have been working on them for a while. With this book I have found the key to unlocking my self hate and put in its place compassion and self love.

Rating:
Summary: This books provides a first step in a long walk to self love
Review: This book is a tremendous academic and street-smart view of self limiting behavior. Simple actions of "self-hate" ie. not keeping commitments translate into profound self sabotage in the big picture. The book is a must read for people who aren't reaching their full potential.

Rating:
Summary: Good explanation of self-hate; not much else here.
Review: You might find the first 167 pages a worthwhile read in the proper state of mind: 1) You haven't really thought that you hate yourself (you'll find that you do); or 2) You've been reading so many self-help books filled with tests and procedures that you forgot what you're reading them for (because you're trying to accept yourself).

The three stars are for Dr. Rubin's compassionate essays on our creative means for self-inflicted suffering, which run through page 129. I found fascinating his conclusion that we routinely punish ourselves for not measuring up, or as he suggests, for falling from "privileged positions." His blending of anecdote, diagnosis, and remedy makes for a warm, even invigorating, read.

He clumps all mental illness into a single diagnosis, concluding that everything is based on a privileged position -- an illusion of grandeur. Whether this is true or not, the simplicity of his message helps me remember that I'm coming to grips with my human, flawed self and that I'm not trying to become a 'normal' person.

Unfortunately, his generalization leaves room for only a generalized strategy: Admit, recognize, block, analyze, and finally realize. It takes him roughly forty pages to offer a cursory explanation. If he spent the rest of the book detailing a practical technique for applying his strategy for different kinds of self-hate, this book would have become a five-star classic. He didn't.

Instead, he presented a 40-page diatribe entitled "Compassionate Psychophilosopy" that is wrought with hyperbole, demands, and inconsistencies, all written as a first person reflection of the perfectly compassionate self. It is the antitheses of the previous chapters; offering impossibilities of self-reliance that no person could ever attain. The astute reader can draw a few nuggets of wisdom from this and even kind of understand what he may have meant to say.

Finally, he ends with the 70-page "On Human Terms" rant. He offers what amount to little more than a laundry list of complaints about the societal 'them' that has done this evil to us. He paints a rather depressing, superficial and over-generalized examination of the conflict between self and them. This is the kind of tripe I get from my buddy after a few drinks. Not particularly helpful in determining why we cling to--or where we get--these societal expectations.

Bottom line is that there are much better books out there (this was published in 1975). For depression, check out "Feeling Good: A New Mood Therapy" by Dr. Burns. For perfectionism, try "Never Good Enough" by Dr. Basco. For a non-judgmental examination of your actual self, try "The New Personality Self-Portrait" by Oldham and Morris. For analysis of self, try "Self Matters" by Dr. McGraw. These are all vastly superior books--each worth about eight or nine stars based on what this book has received.

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