How to Marry A Black Man

Rating:
Summary: Looking for Love
Review: I am living in my fourth marriage, so I've spent a good number of years searching for The One. Perhaps my problem in the past was that I searched haphazardly - without a plan. The last time I was single, books on female-male relationships were scarce. But now there is a proliferation of such tomes.

There are books such as "The Rules," covering that common ground where all women - regardless of race - must tread, that place where you want it known you are available but not too available. But if I were single I would pay close attention to the books that advertise themselves as being specifically for Black men and Black women. I am, after all a Black woman and I generally - though not always - centered my search for a mate within my race. There are unique conditions in which Black people live, circumstances that color our perceptions and add a different dimension to relationships.

Recently, I flipped through How To Marry A Black Man subtitled The Real Deal (and it is!) and howled while saying aloud, "Amen!" The two women authors write with such attitude: "If you are looking for "Prince Charming," get real. Are you really "Princess Diva"?" They don't advise lowering your standards, just being realistic and they use a workbook format at times to make you think twice about who you are and aren't and what you want and don't want. The authors, Monique and Cassandra cover the multicultural territory while probing more specific issues such as finding someone whose definition of blackness suits yours. They sprinkle in intimate details about their own lives, too.

Books that prompt such pondering and planning about the process of mating seem harmless but make me wonder how our fore-parents ever found each other without instructions? I guess it's because they left so much to fate. They lived without seatbelts or bike helmets or car seats for their kids. Pretty wild people, huh?

Patrice Gaines is the author of LAUGHING IN THE DARK and MOMENTS OF GRACE.


Rating:
Summary: Disappointment
Review: I bought this book at the BX bookstore in England,and I found the book to be enlightening. Before one has to find a husband, the ladies suggest that you find yourself first. After all, how are you going to deal with another person and you don't know how to deal with yourself? There is also places in the book where you can write in answers to questions that they ask you, and gives you plenty food for thought. A great book not only for finding a husband, but also finding yourself. There is also a picture of both authors with their husbands and children just to let you know that their plan works.

Rating:
Summary: Wise, Witty and Definitely Worth Buying!!!!!
Review: I take my hat off to Monique and Cassandra for having the creative wherewithal to help sistas who are in search of a black man. Many of us moan and groan about the shortage of brothers, but these two women decided to do more than complain. I absolutely loved the book and found it to be quite informative. I appreciated how they interwove humor with a very serious subject for single sistas. All in all they gave very sound advice....get your act together and you will attract a together brotha The book is definitely worth getting!!!!!

Rating:
Summary: Wise, Witty and Definitely Worth Buying!!!!!
Review: I take my hat off to Monique and Cassandra for having the creative wherewithal to help sistas who are in search of a black man. Many of us moan and groan about the shortage of brothers, but these two women decided to do more than complain. I absolutely loved the book and found it to be quite informative. I appreciated how they interwove humor with a very serious subject for single sistas. All in all they gave very sound advice....get your act together and you will attract a together brotha The book is definitely worth getting!!!!!

Rating:
Summary: Disappointment
Review: I was already skeptical of this book from reading the title, but decided to try to give the book a fair shot anyhow. Unfortunatly, it lived up to my low expections and proved to be little more than a how-to-guide for trapping a man. With sections like six trix (tricks) this book was little more than a guide to game playing and pulling every trick in the book (no pun intended) to win the grand prize of a husband. One section advises, "go out with anyone who doesn't make you sick," while another advises that "it is better to sleep with a man sooner than later," along with other questionable sexual advice. I also thought the book had too many self-tests, and did not offer enough solid advice on building and maintaining a positive relationships. The author's only advice -- compromise. I did think that the little caricatures of the two authors were kind of cute, but the ebonics throughout the text was not. I do not recommend this book for anyone looking for serious pre-marital advice, but if you are looking for some light, entertaining reading, than this might be the book for you.

Rating:
Summary: Insulting.
Review: So now not only do we women have a plethora of how-to books geared for us "needy women", but we now have a book to tell us specifically how to get a Black man, as if they have different needs/specifications from other men? Men are men, regardless of skin color. This was nothing more than a clever marketing ploy to attract the black female buyer in droves. And some of the tips were insulting. "Smile alot to let him know you like him." ??!! I'm not a friggin Barbie doll, thank you very much.

And I'm always suspect of women who hyphenate their names anyway. :--) But seriously... what's with all the black women suddenly jumping on the Jada Pinkett-Smith bandwagon, and suddenly hyphenating their names? A truly strong woman will be decisive, and either consider herself "traditional", in which case she changes her last name to that of her husband, or else she's non-traditional/feminist, in which case she does not change her name at all. Those who hyphenate are wishy-washy women trying to pacify both camps of thought. I'd be willing to bet that their husbands didn't hyphenate THEIR names when they got married. So how then is hyphenating "feminist", if the end result is the same, and the women has to change her name on all official documents, and in addition, causes nothing but confusion as to what letter her last name should be filed under, how she should be referred to in the office, etc.?

Rating:
Summary: Insulting.
Review: So now not only do we women have a plethora of how-to books geared for us "needy women", but we now have a book to tell us specifically how to get a Black man, as if they have different needs/specifications from other men? Men are men, regardless of skin color. This was nothing more than a clever marketing ploy to attract the black female buyer in droves. And some of the tips were insulting. "Smile alot to let him know you like him." ??!! I'm not a friggin Barbie doll, thank you very much.

And I'm always suspect of women who hyphenate their names anyway. :--) But seriously... what's with all the black women suddenly jumping on the Jada Pinkett-Smith bandwagon, and suddenly hyphenating their names? A truly strong woman will be decisive, and either consider herself "traditional", in which case she changes her last name to that of her husband, or else she's non-traditional/feminist, in which case she does not change her name at all. Those who hyphenate are wishy-washy women trying to pacify both camps of thought. I'd be willing to bet that their husbands didn't hyphenate THEIR names when they got married. So how then is hyphenating "feminist", if the end result is the same, and the women has to change her name on all official documents, and in addition, causes nothing but confusion as to what letter her last name should be filed under, how she should be referred to in the office, etc.?

Rating:
Summary: Open your mind and your heart will follow
Review: This book gives great advice on the art of attracting and intriguing the opposite sex. It is not only for Black men but all men. I am happily married now for 2 years and read this book when it first came out.
It helps you as a person get your mind around what you truly are invisioning in a spouse - what your core needs and desires are - so that you can weed out the good ones from the bad.
I hope more people will read this book so they can get a better persepctive of the games we should play versus the games we shouldn't play - namely those with ourselves - delusion.


Rating:
Summary: This is the REAL DEAL!
Review: This is a fun and deceptively easy book to read. But if you follow the advice of the authors you will find yourself getting your act together FOR REAL, and getting your priorities straight when it comes to finding the right guy to marry.

Some of the exercises in the book are just plain fun, like the pink bubble meditation, and some are hard, they really force you to take a good hard look at yourself, no rose colored glasses!

I especially like the "Word from the Brothas" sidebars because they give you a real inside take on the thoughts of men. They are surprising!

I definitely recommend this book to women who are serious about getting hitched.