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Not Without My Daughter

Not Without My Daughter

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Product Info Reviews

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Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Excellent, albeit infuriating
Review: It's been some 20 years since Betty and Mahtob's experience in Iran and yet for some reason I'm just now seeing the movie and reading the book. I have to say, I derived immense pleasure knowing that the woman escaped the prison that Moody had planned for her and their daughter.

I know the proud Iranians/Persians in the world are grimacing with disgust at the mere mention of her name, but it's mainly because she won. After putting up barriers meant to scare women into submission, they still lost and she won. What, exactly did she win though? She won a life of looking over her shoulder, of wondering when he was going to have one of his multitudes of "nephews" sneak into the country, grab Mahtob, and take off, the way she had taken off from Iran. If she could do it there, he could certainly do it in the States. We have a lot more borders and a lot easier time crossing them.

When I saw the movie on HBO it was 3:00 in the morning and I was aghast. I sat on the sofa like a piece of the upholstery and did not move an inch until it was over. I immediately logged on Amazon and purchased the book and DVD to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. At that moment I was so angry at Moody for what he did to her that I wanted to hop the next plane to Iran just to spit in his face. Of course, I would never do that, but I have never felt such an emotional uprising at a movie/book before. This one is really well written though and even if it is only 80 % true, then I'm still upset and offended that we, as a country, haven't gone into those third-world countries and demanded that our children be returned, those born on American soil, if that is their choice. That's a heck of a lot better reason to start a war than OIL.

The problem which vexes me most is, being a Christian, we are taught from childhood that one does not intermingle faiths. I believe the Bible says exactly in 2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? Translation? Those who believe in Jesus Christ would be advised to marry others who believe in Jesus and not those who follow Mohammad. Betty ought to have been taught that from childhood. It doesn't work.

I'd like to think that if I had made the same error in judgment that I would have known not to go to Iran (I know how women are "treated" by Iranian/Persian men) and if I did compound my first error of marrying, my second error of procreating and my third error of following this person back to his native land, that I would have at least had the common sense to know that if he had lost his marbles, I should most assuredly not try to make matters worse by insulting him, his family, his religion and so on and so forth. I imagine myself doing everything a good Muslem wife would do, until that second arrived that I could free myself and my child by playing the game.

It is my way of thinking that a woman has a right to the child she bears if she is a good mother and takes care of them. Betty obviously loves her child and regretted the error of going to Iran. She did what she had to in order to ensure that her child would not be killed in an attack, or raped, or butchered, battered by her father during one of his many episodes of bipolar/schizophrenic mania, or even worse, to grow up a subservient in a world that hates America and everything about it. She gambled and she won, simple as that. They are just mad because she got out to tell the story the way it actually happened. Otherwise, why in twenty years has Dr. Mahmoody not stood up to refute her claims? If she made some money off the deal then BULLY FOR HER!! He could have done the same by publishing something to the contrary.

The movie is wonderfully done (Sally Fields can dress up any part she plays), exceptionally close to the book, and the book is really great. I hung on every syllable until the end, even reading the translations in the back.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: I BELIEVED EVERY WORD!!
Review: Having watched the movie numerous times, this book was a must-read. It is riveting from page one until the end.

Betty Mahmoody went through hell with her Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde husband. There are many reviews I see here (mostly from Iranians) that renounce Betty and deny that Iranian culture is as she has depicted.

However, I worked with a young lady who married an Iranian and he treated this sweet, beautiful girl the way Dr. Mahmoody treated Betty. And he did this while in America!! Furthermore, when his family visited him and she brought them into our office to see where his wife worked they were exactly as Betty Mahmoody described her own in-laws. The women were clad in their chadors barely daring to breathe...(while we held our breath because of their 'stench'.) This young man (my friend's husband) wouldn't let her associate with any of us outside the office and she was deathly afraid of him. As a result, she finally divorced him, thank the Lord, and moved back to Michigan with her family. Thank God she had no children by him or she would have suffered the same fate as Betty and Mahtob. One time he actually threated to cut her up in pieces and throw them in the garbage can...(sound familiar????)

THis is why I believed every word Betty wrote in her book. No one should be treated as subhuman, male or female. True, there are good and bad in every culture, including America. Unfortunately, seeing what my friend went through and reading what Betty and Mahtob went through with these 'animals' makes me proud to be an American and never to take anything in this country for granted.

People won't accept the fact that what Betty Mahmoody went through was harrowing and true. I believed every word she wrote and thank the good Lord above He helped her get away from the devil himself!!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Be glad you live in Amerca!!!
Review: I will be as objective as I can be on this book. I also saw the movie when it first came out. I lived in India for a short time over 20 years ago. At the time, I thought there were double standards there. I was also naive enough back then to marry an Indian. He was also a doctor. I was quite young at the time and I married against everyone's disapproval. When I married him, I thought I had it made. Little did know I would go through so much mental torture for an indefinite period. We did well when we were living with his parents. As soon as we came here, I saw his other side or should I say his true colors! He had never been in this country and he only got here because of my family sponsoring him. It just became a game of use and emotional abuse for him. I got torn away from my own family for a long time because of him just like Betty lost communication with her family because of her abusive husband. I have been free of this person for many years now. The only reason I hung on as long as I did is because I take wedding wows very seriously. Please don't get me wrong, Indians are nice just like everyone else, but some of the husbands' attitude with women have a lot to be desired.

When I saw what happens in Iran, I felt that Indian rules are much more tame. I mean there is no comparision. The Indians are very lenient by Iranian standards. This whole Purda business is for the birds as far as I am concerned and the fact that Betty was a Christian and not a Muslim makes it totally unnessary. It is not just in Iran that women are treated as subcitizens, it is in the other Mideast countries as well. I had to read Princess Sultana's Daughters for a course I took and it was just plain sick. Even Saudi Royalty women get abused and they are treated like doormats. From what I read, it is not Mohammed who decided that women are less than men, it is the men who decided that.

I don't give any cultural excuse for Betty's husband for the fact that he changed upon reaching Iran. Essie tried her best to make the situation more livable for Betty. To me, it makes no sense that Betty's husband was great to her when they were here and then over in Iran, he slaps her and beats her and threatens her. I have a lot of admiration for the gentleman who tries to help Betty. Betty showed a lot of bravery on her part.
This true account makes me wonder about the girls I knew who got involved with Iranian guys they knew back in college. I hope this did not happen to them. I lost touch with these girls because as you see I had my own story going on. These girls were dating these guys during the revolution and they did not like what was happening in their country.

When you read this book, you will just be glad that you are here and not in the Mideast.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Contents both good and bad
Review: A divorced woman with two sons, Betty met Moody while he helped treat her for migraines. The start of their affair was as fair tale romantic asit can get, but after marrying him, she discovers different sides of him. Another source of tension is his support of the newly reinstated Islamic Republic of Iran, and his numerous "nephews"from Iran who came to visit Moody, each more vile & unpleasant than the one before him. Then, Betty agrees to go on a two week vacation to Iran with Moody and their daughter Mahtob.

As it turned out, the two week vacation because a year and a half struggle to get herself and her daughter out of Iran. The story of her struggle is fascinating - a process in which Betty learns how to cope in an unfimiliar environment, and how to deal with shadowy conspirations, while staying loyal to her daughter (Betty could've left Iran much earlier and much more easily if she were willing to leave Mahtob behind, at least temporarily(.

On the other hand, the book showa a lot of cultural and personal intolerance. While Betty was more than willing to admit certain Iranian individuals were good people and that the Islamic religion had its good side, the Iranian culture was described as bad simply because it was so far removed from the American culture. We are all so used to our own culture and settings that we tend to forget that other cultures might have evolved differently than ours, and that many people don't have the benefits we have.

This attitude also appears in Betty's description of other people. Somehow, the only Iranians she seems to like are westernized and are wary öf the Iatolla's reig over Iran. People that are typically Iranian, or women (such as Ellen) who tried aclimating to their lives in Iran are described in a cery negative light. While I'm sure Betty has more than enough reasons to resent Moody, I'm doubtnig whether he was as mentally unstable as Betty describes him, or whether cultureal & attitude differences might have been the cause of some of his 'symptoms'.

The overall impression I still have of this book is that it serves as a very good cautionary tale about inter culture marriages. It urges the reader to reconsider the romance in these situations, and to learn more than a few exotic recipes about the others'culture before commiting to a marriage or a trip to a foerign country - Brtyy, for instance, hadn't realized she was an Iranian citizen until it was too late.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Somewhere in the Middle
Review: I just recently read the book Not Without My Daughter. I own the movie and have seen it many times. I agree with the person who said we weren't there and cannot say it didn't happen, but I also agree with the people who have positive things to say about Iranians. When I was a teenager, during the time that Betty was in Iran, two very sweet Iranian college students took my Italian cousins out to dinner and a date and they treated them very good. They were very polite to my cousins and my cousins had a good time. I think there are good people in every culture and every society. Another good book that shows the positive side of Iran and it's people that I highly recommend is Honeymoon in Purdah an Iranian Journey by Alison Wearing.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: A Novel by a Western Mullah!
Review: A clash of cultures becomes evident when an extremist finds herself in the midst of restraining action. Iran is a smelly country, but it is the smell of warm-blooded hearts that pound in love. Of course you can't smell anybody in the west because you might get sued if you get closer than five feet to anyone. I urge anybody who is interested in knowing anything about the country to travel and observe for themselves. Not everything is as superficial as it is fed to us through the mainstream media.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Pure nonsense
Review: I am an Iranian and a proud one. I am 14 years old and have read the book. I couldnt believe what I was reading. How can she describe a country, that is so beautiful and warm-hearted, dirty?
I dont know where she was, when she was excperiencing this situation, maybe at her house in America, but definitely not in IRAN! Thats's all, a mental person who was a patient of her own husband has to say. How can a man that skinny hit his elephant-sized wife? That woman could have eaten him with one bite. Anyone who believes this story is as stupid as she is. And if she has gone through all of this, if she hates her ex-husband so much why in the name of good is she still called Betty MAHMOODY? I wouldnt recommend this book to anybody and if I could I would burn that book and never put it in this world again. Its pure NONSENSE!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Read this if you want a good story, not a documentary
Review: The main thing I never understood about this book: why does Ms Mahmoody condemns his ex-husband's attempt to separate their daughter from her when she is doing the very same thing to him?

I gave it 5 stars because it is a good novel. Novel, not documentary. It is as interesting and authentic as Gone With The Wind. When I was fourteen years old I loved the book but even then it seemed too tabloid to be true. Actually she hasn't even got the mind to write her book herself and it seems she hasn't even supervised its writing. An advice to Mr Hoffer in case he wants to write something like this: at least be sure that the facts mentioned won't contradict each other (like why did the sister-in-law go to the public bath when she had a bathroom at home).

Betty lived with this man for more than ten years. It seems unbelievable that she knew almost nothing about his culture. She also admits in the very beginning of the story that she has prejudices against Iran. Now if I were married to someone from a different culture I would try to learn as much about his culture (and religion, home country and family) as I can (unless I'm a good American patriot who knows that outside the US there's nothing that's worthy of knowing).

Just one more thing in addition: I think Betty's keeping her hated husband's name is just another marketing trick, she knew that with an exotic sounding name on the cover of the book people will expect a story like this.

To anyone who have read this book or intends to read it, I'd recommend Taraneh Bahrampour's "To See and See Again: A Life in Iran and America". Please read Ms Bahrampour's book, it's like reading Alex Haley's "Roots" after Gone With The Wind. It shows a new perspective. And a good book, really.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Understandably Biased
Review: First, the book was not necessarily well written, but then, this kind of book doesn't have to be well written to get its point across.
Biased, yes, but understandably so. Many of the reviews that follow claim that Betty Mahmoudi has presented a one-sided, bigoted, prejudiced, etc., etc., view of life in Iran (in 1984). But, here are some facts those reviews ignore:
1) Betty wanted to GET OUT OF IRAN! If Iran is so great, why didn't she want to stay? I also notice that most, if not all, of the people who are criticizing the objectiveness of this book are Iranians who are not living in Iran (they are Iranians living in Canada or in the UK - go figure)!
2) Betty's desperation to get out of Iran is the only justification she needs to do whatever it takes, legal or otherwise, to accomplish her objective. If she had the support and cooperation of a loving Iranian host/family, then she would not have needed to resort to smugglers.
3) Whether or not Dr. Mahmoudi made Betty stay in doors because Iran it is dangerous for a woman to walk the city streets of Iran or because he was afraid that Betty would try to escape, it doesn't matter. Both scenarios are bad.
4) Criticisms about this story (and I understand much of it may be exaggerated, but this is Betty's story and not yours, my friend) are mostly coming from the lucky people who are not actually living the horror that Betty had to go through.

Is this story biased? Yes! Is that bias understandable? Yes! Is Betty a somewhat culturally ignorant bumpkin? Yes. You can put any kind of positive spin you want on life in Iran, but the bottom line is that many more people are trying to get out of Iran than are trying to get into Iran.

Another story that carried a somewhat similar theme of Americans who don't do well in foreign places is "Daughter of Danang" ( http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/daughter/ ), which really made me feel more sympathy for the Vietnamese people than for the immature and insensitive American girl who returned to Danang, her birthplace, for a family reunion of sorts.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Not Without My Daughter
Review: Granted, Betty Mahmoody is no model of cultural sensitivity, but her book is a great read anyway. People need to view it its proper context -- just after Khomeini's Revolution -- though.

The book NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER is so much more in-depth and interesting than its movie version. I'm glad I'd read it first.


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