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Women's Fiction
The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth About Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage

The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth About Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage

List Price: $13.95
Your Price: $10.46
Product Info Reviews

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Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Better than I imagined
Review: I bought this book after reading an excerpt in a magazine. I found the excerpt so moving, I had to get the book. To my delight, the rest of the book is equally engaging. Don't be deceived by the title -- this is not a book by and about whining man haters. This is a thoughtful, touching, wonderful collection of essays that I am thoroughly enjoying and can relate to.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Exactly What I Needed
Review: This book came at the opportune time for me... Trying to deal with relationship/commitment issues, this books reminded me that there are MANY ways of living one's life. Sometimes I think women feel as if there is a script you're supposed to follow (meet someone - in your twenties, get married, have beautiful babies, maintain home AND career.) This is especially true if you live in a fairly conservative part of the country, I think. In any case, what the diverse, wise, funny, deep-thinking women in this book wrote about made me widen my world view. I was reminded of all the possibilities that are out there. I skipped a few chapters on motherhood, because I'm just not THERE yet. But all in all, this was a book that reiterated how full, rich, and COMPLEX women's lives can be in the 21st century. I feel better for having read it.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: There was no whining that I read!!
Review: I keep reading reviews that say these authors were whining and complaining. I couldn't find any of that. What I found were very diverse stories that kept me interested (almost)until the end! It was very interesting to read about these women with very different lives! Even though I don't agree with some of their lifestyles, I found them very honest and a quick read. I especially liked these stories:

Getting the Milk for Free--about a woman (like me) who has never felt that "need" for marriage, like so many others. She decided that "living together" was good enough.

Crossing to Safety -- about a woman who decided that she got along better with her boyfriend and they enjoyed each others company more--when they were living in different states.

Papa Don't Preach-- she had an affair with a married man and decided to keep the baby.

Why I won't marry-- a beautiful story about a woman who has a "common law" husband and the daughter they have, the lives they share.

Houseguest Hell--this is probably one of my favorites-- by Chitra Divakaruni... the clashing of Eastern and Western lifestyles--or why she is a slave to her houseguests.

My Marriage. My Affairs-- how a woman and her husband attempted an "open marriage," and how she really felt about it.

Anyway, not these stories are for everyone. I felt connected with them, because they let you into their lives. Maybe you won't live the kind of lives they do, but maybe you don't want to. A very good book.
Warning: my interest dropped a little toward the end. Other than that, it was great!

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Too happy to enjoy this?
Review: A friend had raved to me about this book. "You'll really feel like you can identify with so much of what these women write about!" While I don't disagree with that (because there were a lot of feelings and emotions that ALL mothers and wives must feel at some point), I found this collection of essays to be mostly depressing. Even though feelings of resentment, jealousy, despair, inadequacy, etc. haunt me from time to time (as they do with these women), I guess that I overcome them radically faster than they do - and mercifully so! If the point of the book is to validate women with "You're not alone," then it does this well. But it does it with a negative, almost spiteful, undertone that I found distatsteful.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Great Read
Review: I loved this book! These women express many of the same feelings I have as a mom and a wife! There is much anger, but it is tempered with much humor too. I can so identify! The other reviews discuss the specifics, but, as far as a good read, I highly recommend this book to all my friends.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Why some people find this book hard to take, perhaps
Review: We live in a culture in which the top-selling non-fiction books always seem to be heavily weighted toward self-help, leadership, "triumph of the human spirit" stories -- in short, those so-called "inspirational" titles that probably inspire little more than good consumer-culture behavior (shallow, material, fleeting -- where's the next book? I need my "inspiration" fix!). Such "inspirational" titles focus on idealizing all aspects of human life, from job performance to parenting, from our physical to our emotional selves, from intimacy to personal financial management, and so on. I think this focus on the ideal gives people a false sense of escape from the real.

But the real doesn't go away. And even though it is hard to look in the face, and even harder to write about, and doesn't sell nearly as many copies as the so-called "inspirational" stuff, the writers of *The Bitch in the House* braved the real, and brought us something that has inspired deep reflection in me.

Some of the very real self-portraits in this book are raw, painful, ugly, and at times even verge on the pathetic. Repeatedly I found myself reading variations on this theme: "I don't know why I did/do X thing; I know I shouldn't." How hard it is to admit that! And how hard it is to *read*. This is so personal, so intimate. And it's less like something you're used to encountering in a stranger's writing, more like something you would share in a private conversation with a very close friend -- someone you care deeply about, are ready to offer comfort and aid to, and whom you can forgive if necessary. Coming from a stranger, on the other hand, a personal story that is full of raw, ugly, painful reality, and even confessions of poor judgment, is not something that normally makes us want to throw our arms open wide -- more like shut it out, criticize it, make fun of it, or label it "whining".

So in addition to bravery in the face of reality, on the part of both the writer and the reader, I think it takes a leap of intimacy, if you will, to open up to these stories, to see them as coming from friends instead of from strangers. The leap of intimacy wasn't hard for me to make in most cases; either I empathized with the writer because I had some personal experience of my own that helped me relate to her situation, or I was reminded of close friends who had talked to me about similar situations. In fact, the latter happened so often that I kept a running list of names inside the front cover of the book, to remind me to recommend it to each of those friends.

In conclusion, don't expect this to be like any other book you have ever read before. It is not a self-help book, and it is not "inspirational" in any typical way. If you find it inspiring, as I did, the inspiration will be less the warm fuzzy "chicken soup" variety, and more the deep reflection and questioning that make you feel a tiny bit wiser variety.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Thank God for Ellen Gilchrist
Review: I recently began my stay-at-home experience with a toddler and an infant. I've always been an angry person, and the title of the book seemed to define what I feel, especially at 3 months post partum. But frankly, I've had it with the whining that occurs in this book. It's not bitchiness, it's a realization that life isn't neatly compartmentalized for those of us who bought into the belief that women can have it all without sacrifice. I was especially appalled at the chapter on women's sexuality--since when does a woman with an open marriage, which coincidentally seems to be eating a hole in this author's soul, typify the lives of many women? Let's talk about sex with one's partner, if one is married, or sex and the single mom, instead of the navel-gazing of far-out literati who exploit their own lives seemingly for shock value.
So thankfully, Ellen Gilchrist comes along and tells us, in her soothing prose, what she has done, how she makes it work for her, and the mistakes she made along the way. She's unapologetic about the way she organizes her life. We women should take our cues from her--stop explaining our motivations (even if it's to Eudora Welty), and just *do* the damned thing, whatever it is. And laugh a little instead of blaming someone else that our lives haven't turned out as we pictured it, but instead have become something much richer than our imaginations could have predicted.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: I'm not alone
Review: The main reason I wanted to read this book is because it sounded very rebellous to me. "Yea to women who say they're fed up with how they're treated," I thought. But, as others have said, this book had a very repetative feel to it, and all the women (except two) come from the same background and live the same type of life. Few stories actually spoke to me the way I'd hoped, but I still enjoyed reading it for the sheer "I'm not alone" feeling it gave me. I enjoyed reading other women saying some of the things I thought. True, I couldn't identify with most of the stories about children, since I don't have any, but they were still semi-entertaining to read. And even though I identified with only parts of some of the stories, my favorite part was saying, "Wow - at least I'm not that crazy."

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Insight on the far side
Review: Follow other reviewers' advice and read this book in installments.
Maybe a chapter or two per sitting. Nice before bedtime.
The book provides insight into the 'weaker' sex.
It confirmed most of my bigoted masculine suspicions,
but I give women more credit than this book allows.
The authors explain their self centered rage but are
unable to justify it. Many women are more successful at
avoiding their perfectionistic, blame-others perspective.
(Blaming mom? -- gimme a break!)

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Honest, funny... but a bit repetitive
Review: I *loved* this book when I started it! The writers take a taboo subject -- female anger -- and write about it in funny, honest, personal ways. Most of the essays deal with women's rage at the impossibility of trying to "balance" career, motherhood, marriage etc. There were numerous parts that I nodded or smiled at, they felt so familiar and so aptly put. (One essay about how the writer is the perfect boss at work -- patient, supportive, even-keeled -- and then feels like an out-of-control wreck at home with her kids was titled "Attila the Honey, I'm Home."

However, about halfway through the book, it all began to blur together. Many of the essays were saying more or less the same thing. There were some that were different that stood out for me -- an essay about being fat, an essay by an Indian immigrant woman about having to deal with houseguests from home. But there were far too many that started to feel/sound similar. It started to feel like every contributor was a freelance magazine writer living in the NY area (okay, Connecticut too).

Still, I recommend this to anyone coping with the stresses of work/marriage/parenting in this strange transitional era we all live in. If you liked the book Flux by Peggy Orenstein, you'll like this book.


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