Portrait of a Marriage : Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicolson

Rating:
Summary: The Great Adventure Is Never Over
Review: Both those unfamiliar with the extraordinary life of British aristocrat Victoria (Vita) Sackville - West and those who have read Victoria Glendinning's compelling Vita (1983), Virginia Woolf's Orlando (1928), or Sackville -West's own multiple published works of fiction, poetry, or nature and travel writing will thoroughly enjoy Portrait Of A Marriage (1973). Composed around a posthumously discovered confessional manuscript Sackville - West wrote and hid away in 1920, the book's chapters alternate between portions of Vita's nuanced, forthright manuscript and son Nigel Nicholson's more objective recounting of the facts in the lives of his parents, Sackville - West and her spouse, author and diplomat Harold Nicholson.

Chiefly remembered today for her garden at Sissinghurst Castle in Kent and for being the romantic ("Better to gloriously fail than dingily succeed"), daring, and bisexual inspiration for Woolf's historical, gender-addressing novel Orlando, Sackville - West was a temperamental, multifaceted, and deeply emotional woman who followed the dictates of her heart and defied the conventions of her era to what many would think an alarming degree. As her manuscript clearly reveals, Sackville - West was a very human, self - honest individual who was conscious of her moral and ethical weaknesses and who continually struggled with her wayward nature and its debilitating affects on her husband, children, and extended family. Today a hero to some and a somewhat ridiculous figure to others, readers of Portrait Of A Marriage are likely to come away with more than a modicum of sympathy for the not - entirely enigmatic Vita; throughout her life she managed to straddle a great number of seeming paradoxes and today remains potent proof that many Western conventions concerning love, marriage, parenthood, sexuality, and friendship are as not as tightly mapped out as most would generally like to believe. Unlike fellow writers and contemporaries Hilda Doolittle, Djuna Barnes, or Jean Rhys, her excesses, dependencies, and emotional vacillations did not ultimately undo Vita, either psychically, artistically, or socially. Admittedly, Sackville - West was a child of privilege and remained financially comfortable most of her life. However, her managerial skill, expert monetary planning, and her own hard work as an author, radio broadcaster, lecturer, and internationally acclaimed gardener went a long way towards securing that position.

Portrait Of A Marriage and the story of Sackville - West's life may be the ultimate romantic tale of the twentieth century, though one in which the glamour of wealth, palatial family estates (365 - room Knole), creative talent, international fame, and steadfast love were offset by dark episodes of betrayal, spousal abuse, transvestitism, emotional violence, and apparent child abandonment. Remarkably, Vita's story was ultimately a happy one, and the end of her life, relatively serene. Increasingly a loner with age, Sackville - West sequestered herself in her private tower at Sissinghurst, where she continued to write novels and other literature. But men and women continued to fall in love with her and she with them; as Victoria Glendinning wrote, "For Vita the great adventure was never over."

Rating:
Summary: a compelling must-read
Review: Despite the fact that Vita Sackville-West was the subject of Virginia Woolf's Orlando as well as her lover, the author of numerous books, and a world famous gardener, she still manages to be a somewhat enigmatic character. This unusual and engrossing portrait, written by her son, contributes a great deal to bring substantial light on Vita's very interesting life and loves. Nicolson is generous in quoting her verbatim from her diaries, the most compelling of which recounts her wild affair with Violet Trefusis, during which the two women fled to Paris pursued by their husbands, where Vita passed as a man by dressing as a wounded soldier. This is one of the most passionate accounts of any love affair I have read.

Nicolson's act of documenting his parents' intimate passions is a great contribution to literary history. He did us a great service by writing this book and in quoting liberally from their own writings, in many ways lets his parents speak for themselves. Any one interested in Bloomsbury, women of the left bank, passing women, feminism, gay/lesbian/bisexual history should make this part of their library.

Rating:
Summary: A Remarkable Journey
Review: I have had a copy of "Portrait of a Marriage" since it was published in 1973. For me, it has been a revelation on marriage, but it is also a story of two remarkable people: Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicolson. Nigel Nicolson relates the story of his mother's Sapphic affair with Violet (whose mother was the mistress of Edward VII) with great detachment, allowing Vita to speak for herself in the form of a secret diary. The non-conformity of this marriage was the reason for its success and that it survived love affairs and differing interests speaks to us of the toleration, forgiveness and understanding that is lacking between so many married people. This book was not put together by Nigel Nicolson as a guide to married life but is a story of the adventure of living.

It was from reading this book that I gained a deep interest in Vita and Harold. I have read many of their books and paid the ultimate pilgrimage of a visit to Sissinghurst. So, I highly recommend "Portrait of a Marriage" for the writing, an enlightening account of two people and a unique experience for the reader.

Rating:
Summary: A Remarkable Journey
Review: I have had a copy of "Portrait of a Marriage" since it was published in 1973. For me, it has been a revelation on marriage, but it is also a story of two remarkable people: Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicolson. Nigel Nicolson relates the story of his mother's Sapphic affair with Violet (whose mother was the mistress of Edward VII) with great detachment, allowing Vita to speak for herself in the form of a secret diary. The non-conformity of this marriage was the reason for its success and that it survived love affairs and differing interests speaks to us of the toleration, forgiveness and understanding that is lacking between so many married people. This book was not put together by Nigel Nicolson as a guide to married life but is a story of the adventure of living.

It was from reading this book that I gained a deep interest in Vita and Harold. I have read many of their books and paid the ultimate pilgrimage of a visit to Sissinghurst. So, I highly recommend "Portrait of a Marriage" for the writing, an enlightening account of two people and a unique experience for the reader.

Rating:
Summary: Wonderful and thought provoking book!
Review: I loved this book. PBS had a movie of the same several years ago that I would love to find. This nonfiction story was fascinating to me. Harold and Vita seemed to love each other deeply but not in a romantic sense. It was more of a brotherly or sisterly love. I feel that they were both probably homosexual but because of the time period and circumstance, neither felt comfortable in following their heart.

Rating:
Summary: It's a small world
Review: I ordered this book by chance. I did not know it was a true story until they mentioned Virginia Woolf and the book she was writing called Orlando(inspired by Vita). Reading this book took on a whole different meaning because I had seen the movie in 1993 called Orlando. I thought that was interesting how things connect years later. The movie was fictional and is worth watching.
I loved the book because I liked Vita and I loved Harold. Neither was perfect but who is. I like her candor in the book and I am glad I read the book. Marriages these days should take a page from this book and hold it close.

Rating:
Summary: A Marriage So True
Review: The book is the portrait of a marriage of two productively creative people who remained true to themselves and to the people around them. The garden they created is what originally drew me to their story -- a picture book of their garden. If you learn more about their individual accomplishments, you'll find them far more interesting than Virginia Woolf.

Rating:
Summary: A poetic examination of a very special relationship.
Review: What a shame that this book is out of print!

Portrait of a Marriage is perhaps the most
eloquent examination of the possibilties and
limitations of marriage as it occurs in our
culture today. The story of Harold Nicolson
and Vita Sackville-West as told by their son,
Nigel, Portrait of a Marriage illuminates the
intimate mechanics of one of the most unusual
of relationships, a marriage in which each
partner has his or her dalliances on the side,
but to which each returns as a ship to its
home port.

A reading of Portrait of a Marriage puts to
shame the base, simplistic rhetoric so often
bandied about around marriage, sexuality, and
relationships, and instead allows the reader
clearly to see into the complex and wonderful
world of two unusual people in love. And what
is wonderful about Nicolson's writing is that
he makes telling the truth about relationships
seem so easy and natural, as if all anyone has
to do to tell a good love story is to step out
of the way. Would that those praters debating
the morality of that kind of relationship or
this kind of marriage or such and such kind of
life-style choice could read Portrait of a
Marriage. In its wake, the idea of love being
subject to logic or laws dissolves.

If you are at all interested in the history
of marriage, or if you just like a good
romance, read this book. On the sea of
writing about love and relationships, it's one
of the buoys.

Rating:
Summary: unremarkable
Review: Written as a sort of posthumous confession, Portrait Of A Marriage is the TRUE story of a forty-nine year marriage that survived constant bouts of reciprocal infidelity. To throw another stick into the blaze, both (at times) loved people of their own sex, and yet their marriage not only survived these bouts of unorthodoxy, sexual incompatibility, and long absences, but became stronger and finer as a result. As stated in the Foreword, "each came to give the other full liberty without inquiry or reproach. Honour was rooted in dishonour. Their marriage succeeded because each found permanent and undiluted happiness only in the company of the other. If their marriage is seen as a harbour, their love-affairs were mere ports-of-call. It was to the harbour that each returned; it was there that both were based." Interesting, to say the least!

The story is told in five parts; two by the protagonist Vita Sackville-West, and three by her son, Nigel Nicolson. After his mother's death in 1962, Nigel discovered among her personal items a travel bag containing a large notebook. It was a manuscript, an autobiography written by his mother when she was 28 years old. For a decade Nigel held on to this manuscript, and in 1973 (his father having passed away in 1968) it was published here in Portrait Of A Marriage. Parts 1 and 3 consist of Vita's autobiography verbatim; parts 2 and 4 are Nigel's commentary, each prefaced by a very useful chronological timeline. Part 5 summarizes the remaining years of the marriage, showing how they "made out of a non-marriage a marriage which succeeded beyond their dreams." The basis of this certainly unconventional marriage was what they called a "common sense of values." Total frankness. There were certain things that were wrong absolutely, and as long as they agreed on what those things were, it did not matter much if in other ways they behaved outrageously. For them, marriage as an institution was actually "unnatural" and only tolerable for people of strong character and independent minds if it were regarded as a lifetime association between intimate friends. Understood and experienced as such, a successful marriage then became "the greatest of human benefits" and therefore, husband and wife should strive hard to achieve it! "Each must be subtle enough to mould their characters and behaviour to fit the other's, facet to facet, convex to concave. The husband must develop the feminine side of his nature, the wife her masculine side. He must cultivate the qualities of sympathy and intuition; she those of detachment, reason, and decision. He must respond to tears; she must not miss trains."

Of course there will be readers who feel that these two developed these other sides of their "nature" to an extreme perhaps? Detractors however, should be sure to validate their criticism with a marriage of 50 years plus... for here was one that lasted 49, and was inexorably defeated only by physical death itself. Truly bizarre? Yes indeed. These two individuals were so extraordinary and UNIQUE that I think it important to note that their story should not be viewed as a "how-should-we" story... but a "how-did-they" story. In this, it is magnificent as it stands.

The author did a tremendous editorial job of putting it all together. Anyone interested in V. Sackville-West's writing will find this work to be indispensable. A great read.