Same Difference: How Gender Myths Are Hurting Our Relationships, Our Children, and Our Jobs

Rating:
Summary: Sometimes pendulums can swing too far...
Review: As a social psychologist, I read this book with some eagerness, thinking of it as a potential text for my classes. However, I ended up feeling rather disappointed and concluding that--while it makes some good points--it suffers from many of the same criticisms it points out in the work of feminist scholars.

As an example, the book devotes an inordinate amount of space to criticizing the work of Carol Gilligan. I was actually glad to see this, because the authors correctly point out that Gilligan's work has had a disproportionate and scary amount of influence on cultural thought despite severe methodological flaws (e.g., small sample, reliance on unrepresentative anecdotal accounts, refusal to allow other researchers access to data, etc.). However--and without any apparent sense of irony--Barnett and Rivers rely heavily on anecdotes from their own clinical practices throughout the book to make THEIR points. And if it's not okay for Gilligan to do so, why is it okay for them?

A second feature I found disappointing in this book is that the authors misinterpret "small differences" to mean trivial or meaningless. For example, a frequent refrain throughout the book is that studies comparing genders find more variability within genders than between genders. This is undoubtedly true, but it does not mean that the obtained mean differences are unimportant. As an illustration, take the height difference in men and women. Few people would argue that men, on average, are taller than women. Of course, there is greater variability within genders than between; in other words, the difference between the tallest ten percent of men and shortest ten percent is greater than the difference between the average man and woman. But that does not call into question the documented sex difference: Men are, on average, taller than women, and this difference reflects innate biological sex differences. Height, of course, is a trivial trait I chose to make the point vividly, but the same argument can be made about any of the cognitive and psychological traits that solid science (e.g., peer-reviewed meta-analyses) reveals to demonstrate sex differences. To give a more substantive example, while men and women do not differ on overall IQ, they DO differ in the shape of the distribution, with men being disproportionately represented in the tails. To put it bluntly, there are more severely retarded men...but there are also more male geniuses. Why, nobody knows, but it does no good to try to pretend these differences don't exist or to blame it on some nonexistent glass ceiling that is preventing women from geniushood.

In short, I feel this book goes too far in trying to deny the existence of sex differences. I agree with the authors that the "Men are from Mars" and Carol Gilligan crowd is doing a disservice to men and women alike by stereotyping and pigeonholing us and insisting that we do not have the capabilities or flexibilities to show traits associated with the opposite gender. But I think "Same Difference" undermines their own argument by insisting too steadfastly that there are no differences at all, and their argument is undermined further by a willingness to rely on anecdotal evidence they (rightfully) dismiss in others' work. Yes, there is tremendous variability within genders, and both men and women are capable of an infinite range of behaviors, emotions, and talents. But men and women also differ, reliably, consistently, and in statistically significant and practically important ways. To pretend that they don't is the tale of the emperor's new clothes all over again.

Rating:
Summary: what you need
Review: As the wife of a trans person, and the author of a book about crossdressing and relationships, I feel like I'd lost track of what a 'gender neutral' universe looks like. This book has been a breath of fresh air (as well as excellent, documented ammunition for when I'm told 'what women are like'). It not only documents the critical studies about innate gender difference (or lack thereof), but how those studies are interpreted and reinterpreted in our culture. Additionally, the authors talk about the influence of the media in promoting 'sexy' headlines about how girls are bad at math - since any more ambigous findings are often ignored.

That said, the writing gets a little dull, and there are a few examples used more than once (which makes it seem like the argument - or evidence for it - are weak.)

Helen Boyd
author, My Husband Betty

Rating:
Summary: Innate Gender Differences?
Review: Definition of Gender: 1. Classes of nouns. 2. Sex. So why not talk of innate sexual differences between men and women? I suspect that gender, being a fuzzier term, helps to blurr those distinctions that we all see and experience every day, therefore making it easier to slip a new "progressive" idea past our common sense.

The authors give many examples of the public's misconception of these differences. My favorite: Men are not innately drawn to young sexy women and, of course, women are not drawn to the more mature guy with lots of money! I strongly suspect that findings of this kind are taken from the ever increasing number of "scientific" studies peer-reviewed by Dr. Easter Bunny and Professor Tooth-Fairy!

Rating:
Summary: A hard-hitting social analysis
Review: Gender myths are hurting our relationships, our children and our jobs: that's the contention of Rosalind Barnett and Caryl Rivers in Same Difference: a hard-hitting social analysis which pinpoints groundless beliefs about 'natural' differences between the sexes. Generations have accepted the idea of intrinsic qualities and values differentiating men and women and leading to special strengths and weaknesses in each: the authors here argue that biological determinism is bunk - and chapters draw on years of research to prove it.


Rating:
Summary: Life changing!
Review: I am reading Same Difference much to the dismay of my husband. It is a wonderful book that eloquently relates what I have been feeling for years - ever since my mother and father got me a copy of John Grey's Mars and Venus book for a wedding gift. My husband, of course, loves this book as it puts him in a position of power in our relationship. I hated it from the first page. Same Difference, however, makes much more sense to me. I don't have "natural" mothering instincts and caring for others does not come easily. Now I realize that I am not a failure as a woman, nor am I a "manly" woman. Honestly, I cannot tell you how fascinating this book is and what an impact it is having on my life at this very moment. I am going to send a copy to my sister and my best friend, both recently married, so that they will know they do not have to settle into traditional power structures and live unhappily. And perhaps I will send my mother a copy as well - though it may be too late for her!

Rating:
Summary: New Standard for Women's Studies
Review: I just wanted to say that I finished reading your book last night, and it brought me back to being in Women's Studies classes in the early 90's! I am now married, with one child, but WOW!! Thank you so much for exposing what these theories are actually doing to women.

I have always thought that the Mars/Venus stuff was crazy, and couldn't believe how much of it people were buying. When I was pregnant, attachment parenting was the big thing with all my friends, and I read the Sears books cover to cover. What they don't tell you is that attachment parenting is not parenting - it is mothering plain and simple. They also don't believe that fathers can be good enough, and I can't tell you how much guilt that brought me when our son had colic. Luckily, my husband knew it was crazy, and that he could take care of our son just as well (if not better during colic episodes)

So, thank you for writing this book!! It was absolutely wonderful, and I hope it becomes as much of a standard in women's studies classes as "In a Different Voice."

Rating:
Summary: Brillant Book!
Review: It's about time someone took on the sexist rubbish which now
is killing our society.I for years have been furious at the
writers who insult men and women by placing us in conflict,
by telling us we are different and unable to understand one
another.My guess is the books sold because of people's
inability to see one another as individuals.
So much harm has already been done.A friend's son picked up
"The Wonder of Girls" from a friends home and went telling
everyone in town "girls are dumb and can't do math" This has
a horrible effect on our children.
As a woman,I grew so tired of hearing how women are
"supposed" to be "more emotional" "have low self esteem"and
are more prone to "depression" I was never infected with any
of these problems.And then if a man is depressed he's afraid
someone will see him as "weak" and he won't get help.
Some of us have been able to look beyond the gender rubbish
and see it as a good sell for the writers instead of the
gospel truth.
If we don't think of one another as individuals,there will
be unfairness in school,the work place and in life.
I even saw a site for a women's college which stated
" women have different learning styles" I was thinking,what?
People have different learning styles,not the sexes.
This book is so refreshing!

Rating:
Summary: Should have been written years ago
Review: The book should have been written years ago but maybe it
came at the right time and by the right researcher.After reading
this book it reinforced my belief in the individual and the
power of each individual to overcome the gender biased system
we are part of.We hear about "freedom" constantly,but how can we have freedom if the individual is socially limited by
notions so sterotypical that there is room for little
movement.What the status quo fears the most is the individual,
because the individual has power.As followers to gurus,we have
no power and give over power to the ivory tower and bully trying to oppress us.The book gets people thinking about how
they might be limiting themselves and others by sterotypes.
We are given all our own abilities.

Rating:
Summary: Hats off to Barnett and Rivers!!
Review: This book shows how gender stereotyping is harmful to both men and women in every aspect of their lives, including the sterotypes that seem to "compliment" women or men (all of these can be analyzed and revealed for what they are: attempts to naturalize a traditional power structure between men and women). The ideas are fresh, the research is sound, and the conclusions are timely. Beware, however: this book is not for people who are looking for pseudo-science to support their gender biases. We are confronted every day with stereotypes that encourage us to continue in these assumptions. This book debunks current cultural assumptions. The most important thing I learned is that people should be seen as INDIVIDUALS, not as a member of a gender. There are many more differences among all women (and among all men) than there are between men and women. Highly recommended for anyone who wants to be enlightened about gender.