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Summary: An Important Book About Boys ... who become Men
Review: As I read this book about boys, much of it became more about the boy who becomes the man that he is today. This IS an amazing book, well written, and better yet, written by the very professional people who deal with boys and their troubles as counsellors, and in their practices. Each man can read about his own childhood in any one of the case studies.My favourites are:
The Culture of Cruelty or as another book said it, our Toxic Culture; We live in a modern culture where our heroes and role models are vague and fleeting. Our sports figures commit drug abuse, or adultery. The Media confronts us with disturbing images of war, sex, and banality. The Media drives us to consume all material goods. Against this backdrop, we must raise our sons. This is where a parents guidance throughout a boys life is necessary. Seeking the Big Impossible; Boys are groomed early to seek the perfect car, the perfect job, the perfect family, the Big Impossible. And when they fall short, the result is often withdrawal or depression. Boys are trained to seek and accumulate the impossible dream. Fathers and Sons, A Legacy of Distance and Desire; this chapter alone is worth it. Sons are always seeking an emotional connection with their fathers. Unfortunately, most fathers were and still are raised by fathers whom themselves are emotionally illiterate. Thus the great gulf of distance between fathers and sons. Romancing the Stone, from heartfelt to heartless relations with girls; This chapter so clearly explains why some boys can't love, you know anyone like that? As the author suggests, it's because boys who are raised emotionally illiterate, have trouble learning to love when they become men, thus moving from a heartfelt boy to heartless relationships with women. Give your son a break, teach him to be emotional literate, so when he grows up, he can have heartfelt relationships with other people. Read this book and you gain a better understanding about boys ... better yet, read this book and you'll gain a better understanding of the boy who became a man.
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Summary: Of all the boy books, this is the best.
Review: As the mother of a twelve, soon to be thirteen- year-old boy, I've been pleased that publishers have finally taken an interest in boys. Figuring I need all the help I can get as my son enters adolescence, I read every new book as soon as it comes out. I've found merit in recent books by Michael Gurrian and William Pollack, but Raising Cain, is, hands down, the best of the bunch. It has touched me and changed the way I understand my son. Pollack, an expert on men, bases Real Boys on a small study he did of boys--or so we gather from his introduction. His approach is psychoanalytical, and can be interesting. But frankly, Real Boys did not sustain my interest; I put it down about half way through and didn't pick it up. Many of Pollack's ideas don't quite ring true for me. Raising Cain, on the other hand, hits the bulls eye, again and again. The revelatory chapter on social cruelty, written long before events in Littleton, is alone worth the price of the book. I scarcely knew a "culture of cruelty" among boys existed, let alone how horrific it can be--until my son changed schools and experienced it first hand. Finally, Raising Cain confirmed for me what I believe as a mother--that the loving, caring, sensitive, affectionate part of boys is something to preserve. When my son was born, I knew I could never try to "toughen him up". I would show him plenty of affection, allow him to cry, encourage him to express his feelings. So many men I knew became fathers and couldn't give their sons the love they never got from their own fathers. For me, showing love and affection is like putting money in the bank--it will be there to draw on when he needs it. Raising Cain shows me that this is the right thing to do. Compare what Kindlon and Thompson say about mothers and sons to the psychobabble in Real Boys. Pollack seems so old school when he says that all a boy's problems begin at the "separation stage", when his mother "pushes him away" to start him on the path to manhood. This wasn't true for me--nor is it true for any other mother of my generation I know. Push our sons away!?! No way! We love and care about our sons, and want to stay connected to them. Raising Cain has an emotional truthfulness the other books just don't have. The world would be a better place if all parents and educators read it. It's transformative.
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Summary: Stop your crying before I give you something to cry about!
Review: Have you ever heard a parent say that to their son? Well I have. I am a therapist and come across a version of this almost weekly in my office. Does this impact the child? Certainly! Are there other responses that are more likely to be helpful and healthy? Absolutely! I recommend two books to the parents with whom I work. "Raising Cain" and a marvelous book called "Systemic Parenting: An Exploration of the Parenting Big Picture" by a family therapist named Mark Gaskill. Both should be MUST READS for parents They certainly provide tools that will help parents parent in the most helpful and healthy manner possible - helping to ensure that your son will excel and be successful in his future relationships.
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Summary: Good look into the emotional life of boys.
Review: I found this book to be very insightful and interesting. I had to read a book for a college psychology course and this was on the book list. The book is formatted in a very interesting way. The writers do not simply give you a buch of information about boys and their thoughts. They focuss on experiences and stories they have encountered with boys. They then use these experiences and interperet them and relate them to what they see as an area of concern for boys. Things they consider is emotions, violence, relationships, and boy sterotyping. Because it is almost a collection of stories the book continues to be very comelling. Like the cover states I would say that this is "...required reading for anyone raisin-or educating-a boy"
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Summary: An Insightful Look at What Boys Should be Made Of
Review: I was reading this book as a way to understand my boys, but found new personal insights. Then the killings at Littleton Colorado occurred. As a father, and trained as a pediatrician, I find the "culture of cruelty" to be a distirbing influence on our children. Kindlon and Thompson, demostrate the effects the "culture of cruelty" has on individual boys. It is not hard to imagine the effect it had on those two boys. Without the language to express their emotions they resorted to the language taught by computer games, television and destructive music. The development of "emotional literacy" is a lifelong process, in Raising Cain, the authors explore the roles of various influences. Mothers have a special role in the early years as well developed in the chapter on mothers and sons. In the adolscent years this changes. The effect of a mother on the issues of new interpersonal and physical relationships is not explored in the chapter on "Romancing the Stone". As a son, I found reading the chapter on "Fathers and Sons: A Legacy of Desire and Distance" introspective. In reading I was looking at my relationships with my sons and with my father. Who should read this book? Educators, mental health professionals, politicians, parents and boys should all be encouraged to read and explore the issues brought up by "Raising Cain". Perhaps if we took the issue of our son's emotional life as seriously as we take interscholastic sports events like Jonesboro and Littleton will not occur.
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Summary: Raising Cain is one tough, enlightening read!
Review: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys co-authored by Teresa Barker. Two of the country's leading child psychologists share their experiences of working with boys & their families. They reveal a nation of boys who are hurting - sad, afraid, angry & silent. Statistics point to an alarming number of boys at risk for suicide, alcohol & drug abuse, violence & loneliness. Kindlon & Thompson set out to answer this crucial question: What do boys need that they're not getting? Through moving case studies & up-to-date research, Raising Cain portrays generations of boys systematically herded away from their emotional life by adults & the peer "culture of cruelty"; receiving little encouragement to examine their emotions & develop qualities like compassion, sensitivity & affection. In Fathers and Sons: A Legacy of Desire and Distance, Kindlon & Thompson open up the sad, sad wound of unrequited love. When a grown man cries in therapy, it is almost always about his father & his yearning for his father's love. Into that yearning has been fed decades of anger, sadness & shame. Why is it that fathers describe their sons as never listening, not understanding while their sons describe their fathers in similar terms of discontent? Why do sons rub their fathers the wrong way? Can fathers & sons have a close, loving relationship? How can they close the emotional gulf? Kindlon & Thompson have some good ideas, read'em & weep! Kindlon & Thompson identify the social & emotional challenges boys must encounter in school & the streets & show us how we can help boys cultivate emotional awareness, empathy & health. They offer us seven foundations of parenting, teaching & creating communities that respect & cultivate the inner life of boys. Read'em & weep, then practise them! Raising Cain is aptly titled for it is one tough book to read! There were portions I dreaded! I do, however, recommend it heartily even if you have no boys in your life - you must have brothers, husbands, co-workers, employees & bosses & this book goes a long, long way to explaining why modern people of the male gender behave the way they do. Do check out our Boy's Week of reviews & others on the inner life of boys & men.
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Summary: An Important Book About Boys ... who become Men
Review: Raising Cain is a powerful and enlightening book co-authored by two prominent child psychologists who set out to comprehensively explore the way boys suffer and what causes them emotional pain. Not surprisingly, the book is written for parents of boys as well as teachers, but it also has overwhelming relevance for anyone who desires to understand why many boys act the way they do-and what we can do to help them with their emotional struggles. The salient issue interlaced throughout the book is the need for boys to obtain an emotional vocabulary and emotional literacy that affords them the capability to read and understand their own emotions, as well as others. Thompson and Kindlon repeatedly point out that not only are many boys never encouraged to be emotional, but also, they are taught to suppress such feelings by a culture that expects them to be "manly". It is difficult to argue with that observation. The "emotional miseducation" of boys begins early, at home and in the classroom, and there is a need to provide the proper "emotional steering" for boys so that they understand that expressing emotion is indeed normal and okay to do. Among the various solutions Thompson and Kindlon suggest to help boys develop strong, flexible, emotional lives is to give them permission to have an internal life, full of unbridled emotion. We need to help them to develop and to obtain an emotional vocabulary to better understand themselves and to communicate more effectively with others. Ultimately, we need to let boys know that there are numerous ways to "be a man". Raising Cain is an extremely rich work, full of poignant case studies and examples of boys today that evoked memories-some sad and regretful-of my own adolescence. As a parent of two young boys and an aspiring middle school teacher, this book will be referred to again and again as various developmental issues surface in the boys that I encounter. It is an invaluable reminder of the importance of cultivating emotional awareness in boys and what we can do as adults to help foster that growth. I would even suggest that it be required reading for any educator who has even one boy in his or her classroom. The insight presented within Raising Cain as well as the intervention suggestions posed by Thompson and Kindlon offers the reader with the tools to make a positive difference in a boy's life.
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Summary: For your son's sake, read this book
Review: This book is a must-read for anyone raising a boy -- ESPECIALLY fathers. I'm so glad that I've read this book while my son is still an infant. Not only have I learned a lot about what it will be like for my son growing up, but it helped me connect to myself. So much of this book brought me back to events in my own childhood and helped me understand more about myself. There are so many things that I wouldn't have realized had I not read this book. Having read this book I feel much better prepared to be an understanding and emotionally nurturing father to my son. This will be a gift that I will give to any of my friends who are currently raising a young boy or are about to have a boy.
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Summary: Raising a boy? Know a man? This book is for you!
Review: This book is valuable for everyone who has ever been or known a boy or man (okay, everyone). It addresses the needs and experiences of boys and men and how they relate to emotional literacy. It includes many real-life examples from the authors' practices. It discusses how societal stereotypes (and their enforcement in various social settings) hinder boys in their ability to be happy, humane members of society and their capacity for intimacy in all its forms. It also explains how this information relates to various topics, such as friends, mothers and sons, fathers and sons, drug and alcohol use, depression, violence, sexuality and relationships. I bought it a few months after my son was born and I have read it 3 times now. I plan on reading it every year, just to remind myself of the important principles outlined in it. Not only is it helping me understand and better respond to my son, it has helped me understand my husband, father, brothers, in-laws, etc. I find I can accept and respect male differences and needs better now that I understand what it means to grow up male in American society.
Rating:
Summary: Raising a boy? Know a man? This book is for you!
Review: This book is valuable for everyone who has ever been or known a boy or man (okay, everyone). It addresses the needs and experiences of boys and men and how they relate to emotional literacy. It includes many real-life examples from the authors' practices. It discusses how societal stereotypes (and their enforcement in various social settings) hinder boys in their ability to be happy, humane members of society and their capacity for intimacy in all its forms. It also explains how this information relates to various topics, such as friends, mothers and sons, fathers and sons, drug and alcohol use, depression, violence, sexuality and relationships. I bought it a few months after my son was born and I have read it 3 times now. I plan on reading it every year, just to remind myself of the important principles outlined in it. Not only is it helping me understand and better respond to my son, it has helped me understand my husband, father, brothers, in-laws, etc. I find I can accept and respect male differences and needs better now that I understand what it means to grow up male in American society.
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