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Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence

Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence

List Price: $14.95
Your Price: $10.17
Product Info Reviews

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Rating: 5 stars
Summary: If you have a school-age daughter, you need this book.
Review: I agree with 'A Reader from Washington D.C.' when she says that cliques shouldn't keep anyone from doing what they want to do and that a young girl shouldn't let the Queen Bees or any of her minions define her...but the unfortunate reality is that most middle/high school girls are living in the present and can't see to the future where all those school hierarchies will be just a distant memory.

With that in mind, I think that QUEEN BEES & WANNABES is a must have book for parents, especially mothers, navigating the world of adolescent girls and all it has to offer. Far from telling parents to act like your daughter's best friend, it offers excellent advice and samples on how to talk TO her at her level and not AT her at yours so that she will be more comfortable sharing her life with you, especially since so many tweens and teens are prone to clamming up totally in the presence of their parents.

It offers descriptions of each component of the clique, from the Queen Bee and her Sidekick, to the Wannabe and the Target. In the process of explaining the complicated politics of school-age girls, it opened my eyes to some of the things that went on when I was in school and allowed me to view some of my experiences through that lens.

The end of the book has a very valuable section on dealing with your daughter and boys...why some boys act the way they do, their motivations, and danger signs to look for in someone your daughter may be dating.

I think that the reason this book is so enlightening is because of the research the author did with adolescent girls...she took many of the suggestions they made and used them to formulate her tactics for parent/daughter communication. The quotes included in the book are both horrifying and poignant and will help to re-open your eyes to the reality of teenage life.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Accurate Description of Teenage Life
Review: I am a 15 year old girl and I think that this book is very accurate. I was interested to read that the author finds that the reactions of girls to her presence to be identical without exception. I think that clearly, to develop statements such as this, the author must be passionately motivated to making a positive difference in the lives of young women today. This book is the result of her investments in this goal, and it is obvious in reading the book that her dedication has produced some tremendous results. She makes quotes and stories from real-life girls available in her book. As a result she has developed a book, which contains extensive amounts of knowledge "forbidden" to parents. As a teenager, I must admit that I really am shocked by the conclusions that the author is able to draw about girls. She has gained an insight into girls' lives far beyond what I imagined adults were actually aware of. Though you should know that, as a parent, your daughter's dealings with cliques may not be as extreme as all of the worst-case scenarios in this book. However, this is a great book for the purposes of connecting with your daugther's stressful life, and I plan on asking my mother to read it as well.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: I think Wiseman may have a problem with overexaggeration
Review: I am a freshman at an all girls highschool. If any of the problems such as those presented by Ms. Wiseman in her book were actually present in highschool girls' relationships, I would be the first to know. And I shall tell you that her book is not an accurate representation of girls' social behavior. Sure, they can be mean sometimes, but who among us is not? After reading the reviews, it seemed that the only people who found this book helpful were a couple of parents who obviously don't know what their daughters are up to otherwise they would have laughed at the book's hyperboles of the cattiness of girls today. Those of us who didn't like the book are students or parents who actually know their children. I have been the butt of much harrassment from girls my age, but instead of being bitter about it, I have realised that I was a hostile little jerk and deserved every cold stare that went my way. If you don't have friends in highschool, think about what you might be doing wrong instead of blaming it on other people.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: pretty good but some week spots
Review: I am a high school student. I decided to borrow this book from a friend after watching Mean Girls because this is the book the movie is based on. I thought it was mostly accurate except for the stuff about popular girls. I thought that some parts of the book were confusing and hard to follow. But I wish my mom would read this because it would help her understand my life more. I figured I would just comment on this to help moms who are seeking to understand their daughter's lives and who are considering purchasing this.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: From a guidance counselor
Review: I am a middle school guidance counselor and this is the best, most honest look at the world of our children I have ever read. Not only is it a VERY accurate portrayal of what "girl world" is all about, but Ms. Wiseman offers parents practical advice on how to handle delicate situations. I have purchased a couple of copies and have lent all of them out to parents who come to my office seeking help and advice. Readers who think this book is over the top are in denial. This book truly tells it like it is -- I witness this everyday at work and as a parent of two teenagers.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: From a guidance counselor
Review: I am a middle school guidance counselor and this is the best, most honest look at the world of our children I have ever read. Not only is it a VERY accurate portrayal of what "girl world" is all about, but Ms. Wiseman offers parents practical advice on how to handle delicate situations. I have purchased a couple of copies and have lent all of them out to parents who come to my office seeking help and advice. Readers who think this book is over the top are in denial. This book truly tells it like it is -- I witness this everyday at work and as a parent of two teenagers.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: SENSATIONAL
Review: I am a teenage girl. My mom bought this book and I am the one that ended up reading it. It was a very true book. It dealt with everything. I have saw close friends of mine mess up their lives thinking that maybe they could be a "popular girl." I owuld recomend it if you want to know what is going on in your daughter's life. She is not going to tell you that she has been pressured by friends or boyfriends to do drugs, have sex, smoke ciggarettes, or any other bad things. But i can garantee she has.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: THIS IS A MUST HAVE!!
Review: I am certainly glad I read the book for myself, BEFORE reading these reviews. I might have missed out on a EXCELLENT book.

This book is a guide, reference, or whatever you may call it, but it is certainly not suppose to be an INSTRUCTION MANUAL on how to raise your teen daughter. There is NO SUCH THING!

As with any other book, there will be things you agree with and disagree with. That's life.

I felt this book was VERY informative. It helped me think of things I may not have. Let's face it, school is tough and EVERYBODY deals with the pressure. If something happens in school to my daughter, I want an idea of how to handle it. If there is a problem at home, I want different ideas besides the way my parents think, since some of those ideas are very outdated. Of course, this is not the first or the last book I will read on this topic either.

Although some of the information was very obvious, other information was not. I read this book in four days and it only took that long because I could only read it in my spare time (which isn't alot). It is well written and interesting and I feel it is to everyone's advantage (fathers as well) to read it.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: too much talk, not enough science
Review: I bought this book after watching "Mean Girls," and thought it would be interesting to see where this movie came from. It did pull from the book's episodes, but I expected the book to expand upon the movie, not for the movie having pulled from it verbatim.
I am not a parent, but do qualify to read the book based on the fact I used to be a teenage girl -- a "target" in those years, but does not make me a figure of pity. That experience actually made me stronger and better able to empathize, as Wiseman correctly predicts.
It seemed to me that the book is giving parents a "recipe" on how to raise a teenage girl. "Tell her she's pretty, if she feels fat" etc, but it misses the point in my estimation. What it should have said is -- dear daughter, these evil "queen bees" is a personality type you will encounter your entire life and the other lesson is these people you are struggling with now, if you go after what you want, they won't matter one bit very shortly after high school ends.
I can speak from my own personal experience. Reading the book, I recognized every "Queen Bee," "Messenger" etc that I ever encountered. But, I also realized that those people don't matter one bit to me now. They didn't stop me from going after what I want, or becoming what I wanted to become. They are just in the past now. Just because you get labeled a loser by the Queen Bees, doesn't mean you actually are one, and it shouldn't stop you from becoming who you are supposed to become.
That important lesson is missing from the book. As is any kind of analysis or even mention of the science behind teenagers acting this way. It is more dominant personalities that lead to Queen Bees, or is it something else? The book never goes into this. It starts strong, with the naming and classification of castes of people we all encounter during high school. Then it goes into this "how to be a cool parent" thing. It does go into how to deal with cliques, but it doesn't go into how to get rid of them, or how to teach both the queen bee and the target how to get along. Maybe even be friends.
Overall, a fair book, but too much psychobabble, and not enough explanation of this type of behavior. But, it did get made into a very funny movie. Highly recommend that one.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Well-researched and informative
Review: I bought this book because I am interested in teenage girl society. I was expecting another book like REVIVING OPHELIA, where I thought the author based way too much of her theories on anecdotal evidence, and was very surprised and impressed by what I got instead.

Wiseman deconstructs teen girl society--"Girl World"--in comprehensive and realistic, down-to-earth fashion, exploring the ways in which media, peer pressure, and parental messages interact, enforce, and reinforce each other. She delves into the very culturally sensitive topics of race and sexual orientation. She makes no bones about stating that much of what parents and society attempt to teach girls about the pressures of drugs, sex, and alcohol that they face is really intended to make parents feel better about themselves and not about giving their children the tools they need to make wise and informed choices about how best to protect themselves and set boundaries that are true to what they want as individuals, rather than going along with the group. She also provides a list of references several pages long for further reading.

She also doesn't just look at girls. She examines cultural pressures on boys too, and the ways in which boys are also forced to conform to cultural stereotypes (in fact, these were some of the chapters of the book that I found most interesting), and deals with the ways in which "Girl World" and "Boy World" fit together in the cauldron of modern culture.

Wiseman's straight-ahead approach to issues is refreshing and honest; she is realistic about the limits of parental authority, and points out that overprotecting your daughter will work right up until the point where she is eighteen years old, and tossed out into society to deal with these issues now on her own. The only thing I wish she'd done differently is spend a little more time talking to and dealing with girls who don't belong to cliques, through a combination of outcastness and choice--she was very upfront about pointing out that not belonging to cliques, while it can be very painful at the time, can enable a girl to come through adolescence with a greater sense of self-worth than girls who feel they have to suck up to the Queen Bees. Overall, however, I was quite impressed and feel that this is a very good look at teenage girl society.


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