When Your Kids Push Your Buttons : And What You Can Do About It

Rating:
Summary: Valuable to parents and many other adults
Review: This book has been such a gift to me as a parent, as well as to my work. As a parent, I saw many glimpses of myself in the examples. These scenarios really helped me think through what I am doing and why. The whole philosophy behind Bonnie's work is so amazing and so basic--that we have our own "stuff" that we bring to any relationship with a child (or adult...) and that this stuff affects how we react to that other person and their behaviors. Simple, but so powerful. In my work with adolescents, parents and teachers, I see how it is not only parents that are affected by their past experiences when it comes to dealing with kids. Teachers often seem to "have it in" for a particular student for what seems like no apparent reason, or at least not one that warrents the treatment that student gets. But I'm certain that if teachers were to use this same approach of looking at where their reactions are coming from, it could open the way to much healthier relationships between teachers and students. Bonnie's book should be on the "must read" list of anyone who interacts with children.

Rating:
Summary: Required Reading
Review: This book should be required reading for all parents. It takes everything we thought we knew and turns it around. It also should be read by everyone who is in a relationship, as our buttons certainly get pushed there as well - and for the same reasons. What I particularly liked about the book was that there is a minimum of psychobabble, with practical, real life, on the spot action that we can take to defuse our buttons in many different relationship situations. It also offers us the gift of seeing how we can re-parent ourselves in the process. A very readable, enlightened look at parenting and relationship.

Rating:
Summary: I Am a Better Parent Now
Review: This book taught me that my "over the top" emotional reactions to my child's behavior were related to my own childhood and the unconscious "standards" I expected my children to live up to such as: Syblings will always be kind to each other. Sure its ludicrous but somewhere deep down I expected my kids to do it. So every time they fought I freaked. The information in the book has helped me break the negative cycle. I learned to witness my emotional responses to button-pushing behavior and how to respond calmly without sarcasm or anger. I also came to respect my daughter's agenda. Her play is just as important to her as my work. I found looking to my own childhood for answers to my current parenting dilemma the most difficult because I didn't feel they were connected. But that is where I discovered I had some unrealistic expectations about how children should act that were "pushing my buttons." Most of the time there is an easy and intuitive solution to the daily parenting challenges and now that I'm not caught up in an automatic emotional response I'm able to see it.

Rating:
Summary: EVERYONE SHOULD READ
Review: This is a book about communicating which will transform your interactions with adults as well as the very specific kind of communication needed with kids of all ages. My son is only two, but I was lucky enough to be given this book when it first came out and I have had the opportunity to refer to it again and again. It should be read by teachers as well as parants and even older siblings. The insights allow you a huge sigh of relief because they make so much sense and her advice is a clear path to love and growth and eventually healthy independance, what we all want so much for our children and ourselves! Huge thanks to Bonnie Harris.