Haunted Marriage: Overcoming the Ghosts of Your Spouse's Childhood Abuse

Rating:
Summary: Written with forthright honesty and empathy.
Review: An Insightful look at the effects Child Abuse can have on a survivor, as well as a guide for those who love them in how best to contend with the ghosts of their past. Written with Compassion and Empathy while encouraging an emphatic approach to attaining a life well worth living. I know... I have indeed survived with this book at my side.

Rating:
Summary: Haunted Houses
Review: Because the body is the house of the soul, it should not be necessary to focus on abuse, either emotional or sexual - actually, one and the same, really, as limited only to females; many men are composites of enormous stress, unresolved conflict resolution, and highly leveraged disciplinary measures from childhood and indeed up until manhood. As I watched a parent today require his 2 year old son to remain sitting in the chair he was in (despite his son's drive to "move" consistent with nature's instinct and drive), I wondered how such patterns of restraint might affect him, and their relationship later. What messages were being sent by the father? What messages were received by the son? Beyond the fact of this dominance display, the reasons were frail if not inadequate to produce the mandate in this instance, although they are not always. The pattern was used throughout the day by both parents, and I wondered if they were trying to teach "patience, and self restraint" in so young a child who is little more than a bundle of energy, new to the possibility of moving, and hence, inspired by his new found ability. What happens to the desire to move when it is so abrubtly curtailed in so young a soul? When nature conflicts with man's desire to control nature, doesn't nature always find a different avenue of expression, some not so natural? Requiring a child to "stay," as if he were a pet may not be the ideal method to teach values or mechanics, but instead displays power that children are apt to emulate as they become adults. While safety is always an issue for children, convenience often supercedes the issues of safety and become the dominating factor in relationships instead, to the detriment of nature's logical progress, destroying the ability to reach the compromises characteristic of natural selection. Nature rarely destroys, but instead adapts.

Rating:
Summary: The BEST book for me as a spouse.
Review: This is easily the best of a dozen or so books I have worked through. It is defininately Christian in its approach, even if you do not hold this world view there is comfort and information for the spouse of a sexual abuse survivor.

This book ties for first place in my list of resources with Laura Davis's "Allies in Healing" (NOT a Christian work but excellent nonetheless). Spouses, you are not alone, unique or crazy! These volumes will help you grasp what your survivor is working through and give you help in dealing with the damage of sexual abuse (for yourself and the survivor).