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Diamonds are Forever

Diamonds are Forever

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Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Connery's Most Outlandish Outing
Review: On a personal note, Diamonds Are Forever was the very first Bond film I've seen. I've been hooked on the James Bond series ever since and have had the pleasure of viewing every Bond flick from Dr. No to Die Another Day. Looking back on my first Bond movie experience, I thought Diamonds Are Forever was far-out, unique, but an excellent action caper. However, when I expanded my horizons and checked out Connery's earlier Bond films, Diamonds Are Forever looked rather ludicrous compared to Connery's previous performances. Aside from the fact that Connery appeared to burst a few wrinkles on his visage and popped up a few shades of gray on his hair, Connery's last Bond appearance was unique from his past five, in that there's a prevailing Roger Moore-ish feel to the movie. The storyline seems to be outlandish and shoddy in its exhibition, more puns pop up (a continuing trend onto the Moore tenure), and even the chase scenes are quite foolish (moon-buggies and dunebuggies?). Nonetheless, Connery is sent off with a bang, no pun intended, and Diamonds Are Forever is a rugged yet stylistic, comic, action-packed romp.

In essence, DAF is SPECTRE's, and for that matter, Blofeld's last gasp for global domination. Charles Gray, who played Henderson in You Only Live Twice, takes over the Blofeld role, a shrewd and rather smooth villain, at that. Blofeld, who was apparently dispatched by Bond before the opening title sequence, is back as a clone of the original Blofeld perhaps, as he utilizes a diamond smuggling circuit to build a high-powered satellite weapon. In the middle of this cartel is fiery redhead Tiffany Case (Tiffany St. John), of whom Bond extracts information to get to Blofeld eventually. Attempting to keep Bond off the track are a pair of insane homosexual assassins, Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd, a couple that is so bizarre, they are relatively inoffensive to the gay community. And if that wasn't enough, Bond has to get past right-hand men of Willard Whyte (Jimmy Dean a.k.a. I Can't Believe that sausage man was also an actor!), a casino magnate of whom Blofeld implements his casino business as a front.

Despite its awkwardness, Diamonds Are Forever delivers on all fronts. Gray is a suitable Blofeld and the deadly, but weird duo of Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd add a humorous touch to their creative evil genius. The Bond girls don't disappoint either. Jill St. John is rough along the edges, a pleasant diversion from the seemingly vulnerable Bond girls from the past flicks, save for Pussy Galore of Goldfinger. Lana Wood's short stint as Plenty O'Toole was memorable and rather revealing. And of course, Bambi and Thumper, who gave Bond a run for his money in that infamous fight scene at Whyte's desert hideaway. One of my favorite Bond chases, the car chase in Bond's cherry red Ford Mach 1 Mustang, although it lacked a certain flair about it was a wild romp of a chase. In particular, I enjoyed it because Bond drove a true American muscle pony car in the '70 Mach 1 and if I remembered right, it was the first and last American car Bond had driven. Connery's performance wasn't top-notch, but it was solid enough to make Diamonds Are Forever a must-see Bond flick.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Very Funny
Review: this movie was funny. The gay assassins were funny. The plot was funny. Bond was funny. Blofeld was funny. The credits were funny. The bond girl was stupid.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Connery's silly final go-round
Review: Your first impression upon seeing Sean Connery in this movie might be, "Good Lord! What happened?!!", and you'd be right. Released in 1971, DAF came 4 years after Connery's last turn as Bond in You Only Live Twice, and it would be his last real appearance as the agent - no, no, no, no, no, Never Say Never Again does NOT count. Strangely though, he looks at least 15 years older than he did in YOLT; he might even look older in this movie than he does now. You can tell he hears the jingle of money all throughout the movie; in fact, I'm pretty sure he didn't even try to get into shape.

Whew! Besides all that, it's an enjoyable Bond film, but only if you allow yourself a few preset conditions: 1)you, upon seeing the earth-shattering revelations of the previous film On Her Majesty's Secret Service (starring one-timer George Lazenby), don't expect this movie to address them in any way; 2)If you liked the bald Blofeld of You Only Live Twice and On Her Majesty's Secret Service, you don't mind him with hair and acting effeminate; 3)You can accept Jimmy Dean as an actor rather than a sausage maker; and 4)you don't mind Roger Moore Bond movies, as this is basically a Roger Moore movie with Sean Connery in it - it's the silliest one he ever did.

ALL that said, this is a lot of fun as long as you don't think about it at all. Bond makes a great match for Las Vegas as he tries to track down some diamond smugglers. The documentary on the DVD says this movie was made in the style of Goldfinger, and although it is not quite at that level, you won't get bored watching it. Bond girl Jill St. John is nice to look at, although strangely she changes from tough/saavy to stupid over the course of the movie. . .just about the time where she starts having. . .well, did you ever see the Seinfeld where George got super smart?

All in all, not the best in the series, but a unique adventure for Agent 007.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Fun, but what's Connery doing in a Moore film?
Review: From the Shirley Bassey title song onwards, DIAMONDS hits a lot of high notes. This, the seventh chapter of the Bond films, has gotten a mixed reaction from fans. I suspect that the reason behind this is that many fans, still recovering from Lazenby's amateurish performance in ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE, want to see Connery back in another classic Bond picture. What one gets with DIAMONDS, however, is Connery in a flim that more properly belings to the Moore era. In spite of this being the culmination of the S.P.E.C.T.R.E. story arc and Bond's revenge for Blofeld's killing his wife, this script is more absurd than it is grim.

One way in which Moore's run is foreshadowed is in the use of the Bond girl, Jill St. John's Tiffany Case, as comedic relief. Meeting Bond turns an unflappable diamond smuggler into a dim and helpless woman who is only capable of being accidentally helpful. The evil henchman role is split, belonging to a couple of homosexual assassins. Thankfully, their characters are so outrageously weird that their orientation becomes more a quirk than an offensive "gay men are evil and frightening" statement. Norman Burton plays a grumpy Felix Leiter, who is finally given something interesting to do, and plays off Bond engagingly.

The plot moves along rather briskly, but, manages to hold its own cohesion in spite of the theatrics of stunts, effects, and humour, in a way that a number of later episodes would fail at. After being dismal in OHMSS, the fight choreography is a real highlight of this episode. The vehicle chase scene, however, is not "gripping" so much as it is entertaining in its absurdity. The incompetent villains are easily dispatched while Bond's stolen moon-buggy putters along Nevada's underused desert landscape. Furthermore, if one has been put off by the production problems of the earlier films, DIAMONDS will be rewarding. The sound and post-production are, as they should be, not worth commenting on because there's simply nothing troublesome about them.

In conclusion, fans who have an appreciation for the over-the-top silliness of the Moore Bonds will enjoy seeing Connery's take on Bond camp. Connery isn't tired of the role; he's just taking it only as seriously as the direction suggests. Those who prefer Connery's own classic kind of Bond humour would likely prefer to sit down with GOLDFINGER again.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Bond does Vegas!
Review: Roger Moore is James Bond in Diamonds Are Forever! Oops wrong movie, Moore actually debuts in the next one. But think about this for a second. Doesn't this movie come off like a Roger Moore Bond. Here we have Sean Connery, who skipped OHMSS and did this one instead. Why? I bet you that if Connery had made OHMSS his last film, he would have been great. Alas he never did, and his swan song from the EON produced Bond films is this ghastly entry.

That's not to say that this film doesn't have it's perks. It just doesn't have enough. So before I go over the negatives, let's review the postives. Blofeld in Drag. Now that's comedy. The fact that the villian has to diguise himself in drag to escape the authorities in ingenious. Second, the gay hitman duo. Homosexuality issues aside, they did make an interesting pair of killers and brought some much needed change in the overall hetero world of James Bond. Today and perhaps then as well it might be seen as demeaning, but I bet you it was a lot harder to sell that idea then, then now. And Jimmy Dean, the sausage King, playing Howard Hughes. Can't say anything more about that except, whoa!

Okay the bad stuff. Sean Connery, who appears to have a slight weight problem, plays Bond like a fop. A sort of aging Playboy who appears just a tad clueless. Kind of the way that Roger Moore would play him later. Jill St. John being first runner-up for woman-most-likely-seen-as-an-embarrasment-for-women-all-over-the-world. (The actual honor of that award goes to Britt Ekland in Man with the Golden Gun) Man she wasn't bad to look at but she was a stupid character. The special effects are the most awful I have ever seen. The rumor is, is that Sean Connery costs so much for the producers to get to make this one film that they had to skimp on the FX. Well it shows. The last thing that this Bond does awfully bad is try to mimic Goldfinger. Now Diamonds is actually a sequel to Goldfinger in the books, with the enemy being Goldfinger's twin brother. But they decide to change the whole story around and at the sametime redo Goldfinger and they just don't do it. It's more an awful mess.

I liked Sean Connery. He played Bond, in the 60's anyway, as the quintesential English gentlemen, with a little rough edge to him. But when he took a break and came back, he looked like an old man trying to relive his glory daze. He should not have come back. But what are you gonna do.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Any Sean Connery is Better Than No Sean Connery
Review: Sean Connery is one of my favorite actors, and I would consider him one of the best actors out there. At age 73 and bald, this guy can still play a leading man. That says something right there! As much as I love Sean's Bond movies, I have to say that by the time of Diamonds are Forever, he's looking pretty tired (with a stiff hairpiece). It's a well known fact he was reluctant to return to the role and you can see why. He wanted to move on to other things! I've always admired Sean for his willingness to challenge himself as an actor and take on new roles that you wouldn't expect, for example The Anderson Tapes and The Offence. By the seventies, it was time for him to move on. As much as people complained about him, I think Roger Moore's tongue in cheek campiness better suited the new decade much better than Connery's hardline style. Diamonds are Forever would have been a better Moore than Connery vehicle.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Jill St John
Review: There is not a whole lot to say of this James Bond movie. There is a cool story and cool spy stuff but Jill St John has to be one of the hottest women of all time. She is both funny and utterly sexy at the same time.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Could Connery Seem Less Interested?
Review: It is fair to say that both Connery and Moore retired from their Bond roles one movie over the limit. But Moore, at least, stayed interested and entertaining to the end. "A View to a Kill" may not be top-tier Bond, but Moore is vital throughout. The same cannot be said of Connery who, in this film, seems vaguely annoyed and bothered at having to drag his hairpiece and pot belly through his final Bond adventure. And who can blame him? Virtually nothing happens in this bloated and slow-moving movie that should be ashamed of itself, having to follow the terrifically brilliant "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" and the no-frills, refreshing George Lazenby. By the time this film came out, it was clear that Bond needed ...well, a new Bond. And Roger Moore was a refreshing shot in the arm after this tired and routine "epic." I give it 3 stars only because of the ambiguously gay hit team who are worth a chuckle or two. As for the rest, go one before with Lazenby, or one after with Moore, but give "Diamonds" a wide berth. It's strictly for Connery fans who think he could do absolutely no wrong.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Filled with lots of details and gadgets
Review: Sean Connery returns in the seventh Bond film after the Roger Lazenby one movie interlude. Of all the Connery Bond films, this one was probably the most jam-packed with non-stop goodies. Of course, the goodies may distract some from the plot line, but they sure are fun.

The basic story, with numerous distractions, is that Ernst Blofeld is using diamonds to create an ultra powerful space laser that will allow him (not that you would have guessed) to blackmail the world for more millions than anyone could count in 1971. This Bond film has numerous subplots that nearly become vignettes in themselves.

At the very beginning of the movie we have an opening scene where Connery rips the bikini top off a beautiful woman while quipping that he wants her to get something off her chest. After a flash of breast, clearly seen in slow motion on DVD, the next scene leads to Bond finding Blofeld in a secret lair. The purpose of the secret lair later turns up as one of the subplots in the movie, and partially explains why Blofeld is hard to kill (can we say doubles?). The opening scene is loaded with tongue-in-cheek remarks that become the hallmark of this film, and presage the Roger Moore tendency to do the same.

The opening credits feature Shirley Bassey of "Goldfinger" fame belting out "Diamonds Are Forever", another wonderful Bond song.

Once you get into the actual movie, the details are so numerous, that to describe them all would take more space than I have available. Some highlights:

- Jill St. John is beautiful, looking really great in a bikini in this movie.
- Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wint, two hit men that normally do a good job, but struggle with Bond, are the first overtly gay men in a Bond movie.
- Thumper and Bambi; no Disney characters here, and must be seen to be believed.
- Bond's Mustang Mach I; holy shades of the early 70s.
- Gadgets, gadgets, and even more gadgets.
- Here's a trick. Starting out by tipping your car up on the right two wheels, and somehow popping it up on the left two wheels during the chase.
- Exiting from a hidden underground tunnel through a camouflaged exit that Batman would have been ecstatic to have.
- Desert chase in a moon buggy.
- Being trapped in an underground pipe of some kind and chased by an automatic welder.
- Climbing up the outside of a hotel, with angled out walls.

The closing scene of this movie will seem familiar. Just as in "Thunderball", we have an assault on an enemy stronghold at sea. Last time it was ships and boats attacking a heavily defended Disco Valente. This time it's helicopter gun ships assaulting an oil platform with machine guns.

This movie is one of my personal Bond favorites. However, I like it for the science fiction gadget aspects more than being a spy movie. As a spy movie it is probably too contrived and cute, and while occasional tongue-in-cheek may relieve tension, here it becomes too omnipresent for some. I rate this movie 5 stars because it is just way too fun and has many cool gadgets for 1971. A movie worthy of your attention and a bowl of popcorn.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Suspend belief and enjoy.
Review: While the Bond films may not have been cinematic masterpieces, the best of them had all the right ingredients -excitement, glamour, humour - to keep you entertained for a couple of hours. Diamonds Are Forever is no exception. Everything that is good about Bond is here. A more-than-memorable title song- sung beautifully by Shirley Bassey; a super villain; gorgeous eye candy in the shape of Lana Wood and Jill St John; witty one liners; fights; car chases; futuristic technology 60s style; and a ludicrous plot. It also has Scotland's finest and one of cinema's most engaging actors: Sean Connery. Connery is Bond. Sophisticated enough to know his wines; suave enough to charm the most beautiful of ladies; and ruthless enough to fully earn his licence to kill. Connery convinces on all fronts. The success of the Bond films is as much down to Connery as anything else. So sit back and get the popcorn out. You may not believe a word of this film, but you should enjoy.


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