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Conan the Destroyer

Conan the Destroyer

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Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Quirky casting decisions quickly sink this "Conan" sequel
Review: The 1982 film "Conan the Barbarian" is the film that gets the credit (or blame) for turning Arnold Schwarzenegger into a movie star, but it should be remembered more as the best Sword & Sorcery film produced to date. The main reasons, besides Schwarzenegger cutting an imposing figure as Conan, flexing his muscles and swinging his big sword, was that director John Milius treated the characters seriously and avoided descending into camp. But for the 1984 sequel "Conan the Destroyer," the key factor seemed to be coming up with casting in a similar vein to the logic that had landed Arnold the role.

The story of "Conan the Destroyer" was by Roy Thomas and Gerry Conway, a pair of writers for Marvel Comics. Thomas was the writer for Marvel's "Conan the Barbarian," often adapating Robert E. Howard's stories, whether they were originally Conan stories or not. The story is a basic quest story where Conan escorts a virgin princess to bring back a powerful gem from a crystal palace, which will then be returned to a queen (Sarah Douglas), who turns out to be evil and wants to sacrifice the princess so the gem can used to summon an ancient demon, at which point wackiness will ensue.

The problem is not in the story, which certainly allows you to string together a series of Sword & Sorcery adventures, but in the casting. The princess is played by Olivia d'Abo, who simply looks too young (i.e., Conan was forever leaving pregnant princesses behind in his various adventures but there is not chance for that sort of chemistry here). Her body guard, Bombaata, is played by basketball Hall of Famer, Wilt Chamberlain, while Zula, the warrior woman who joins the group is played by Grace Jones, the singer/dancer/model/crazy woman. Comic relif, which was relatively absent in the orignal film, is provided by Tracey Walter as Malak. With such casting the descent into camp becomes inevitable. Besides, there is nothing in this film even close to rivaling Arnold's best moments in the original (especially since the final shot of the old King Conan is recycled from the first film).

Those who have actually read the originally Conan stories will also find it rather distressing that Toth-Amon, the great Stygian wizard who was Conan's biggest enemy in the Howard stories, is reduced to a pit stop on this quest (I remember thinking at the time that this was the equivalent of Darth Vader being one of the guys that got dispatched at the Cantina in "Star Wars"). Thomas and Conway were upset by Stanley Mann's final screenplay, as well as the finished film, and ended up turning their story into the graphic novel "Conan and the Horn of Azoth," with art by Mike Docherty (all the names got changed to avoid any confusion).

Ultimately, "Conan the Destroyer" gets three stars because we round down simply to make sure that it is clear that "Conan the Barbarian" was a better movie. Besides, this 1984 film pretty much killed the franchise, although Milius is apparently preparing a 2005 film "King Conan: Crown of Iron," which there being a lot of speculation as to who will play Conan now that Arnold is Governor of Cal-e-fornia (the hot names are apparently all wrestlers).

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Awful movie. I wish I could forget it
Review: The masterul epic quality of "Conan the Barbarian" demanded an epic sequel. Instead, what we were given was a parody.

In the first movie Conan's character was well developed, you saw what happened to him over the course of his life, what created him, and what his motivations were.

In this movie, Conan is reduced to a bodybuilder in a fur diaper.

Conan's companions in the first movie were formidible accomplices who Conan respected. In this movie, Conan's companions, especially the annoyingly sniveling cretin Malak, (played by Tracey Walter) have no redeeming qualities at all. I kept hoping Conan would impale him and put us out of our misery. I was constantly lead to wonder "Why is Conan hanging around with this guy?"

Sandahl Bergman in the original movie was a Valkyrie. She was amazingly beautiful, but also amazingly powerful and dangerous.

In the second movie we were given Grace Jones. Please. Not only is she unattractive, her character was essentially unbelievable, crude and repulsive. The notion that she could portray any kind of a warrior was laughable.

The villains in the first movie are fearful. James Earl Jones as Thulsa Doom, Sven Ole Thorsen as Thorgrim and Ben Davidson as Rexor come across as men who could perhaps beat Conan. It made the outcome uncertain and Conan's eventual victory that much more powerful.

In this movie the villain is a guy in a monster suit, and a rhino horn with poorly done special effects. It is so ridiculously, lame that Conan must drop his sword and arm wrestle the monster for a fair fight. Wilt Chamberlain, while a creditable athlete, simply did not have the screen prescence necessary. One look at him and it was obvious that Conan could take him. Chamberlain didn't do the role justice.

In the first movie, magic was just that. Magic. It was dangerous, expensive in terms of life and used only in dire circumstances. In this movie magic is reduced to the level of a bad "Dungeons and Dragons" game. I halfway expected The wizard (Mako) to pull out some oddly shaped dice and roll them in his battle with the Man Ape/Toth-Amon.

In the original movie, Conan ponders The riddle of steel, he's a thinker and a man of action. He speaks little. In this movie, talks toomuch, Conan rescues a blonde girl and is betrayed by the evil stepmother. It was a variation of Snow White, Cimmerian style. At least there weren't seven dwarves.

Finally, Conan movies should be R rated. The world of Conan is violent, brutal, lusty and grim. Solutuions ot problems are found with the edge of a blade, not with talk. This watered-down milquetoast version of a Conan adventure was designed to pander to a family friendly audience and D&D geeks. There's plenty of family entertainment out there, and to bring adapt Conan to that environment is wrong.

It's too bad that John Milius was not in charge of this movie. The suits in Hollywood had their way and this movie stinks as a result. The fans lost, because instead three movies we only get one good one, one bad one, and if a third is ever made, it likely won't star Arnold in the title role. What a missed opportunity. It could have been SO much better.

If you like the Conan stories, ignore this film, and stick to the one and only Conan movie.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: the greatest
Review: this is the best one cuz this one has more speical Affects and it has monster like the other one didn't and this had more fighting and more wizards now this was the best one of all thats what i think get this,it's a really great movie Arnold kicks @$$ on this movie but i think he should just get about valeria.but this is a great and powerful movie

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: 180-degree reversal on the original.
Review: Conan the Destroyer is a much less malignant sort of animal than the original, carnivorous, and ultimately bleak original film. This sequel was done with tongue firmly in cheek, and no pretenses to otherwise. On that level, it works quite well as mindless, macho entertainment, with so many visual gags that at times it comes close to becoming a full-out comedy.

Grace Jones easily steals the movie as the athletic, feisty Zula ("toothpick"), and Wilt Chamberlain makes a good physical counterpart to Arnold Schwarzenegger's Conan. I read somewhere that Schwarzenegger was actually asked to put on more muscles for the role than before, and it shows.

Conan the Destroyer also evokes much more of a sci-fi/fantasy element than the original Conan, which had a much more occult, primitive tone to it. The sequel piles on a one-horned monster and a wizard living in a crystal palace and ups the action further. The swordplay in Destroyer is faster-paced than in the first film, and less bloody -- though still violent enough to make its PG rating a gross misrepresentation.

All in all, well executed "male" entertainment, with a top-flight score and good casting.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Hail Conan, the Destroyer!
Review: The Hyborian Age, when shinning kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars and powerful sorcerors cast mighty spells, and a man lived by his sword. And on to this, Conan, destined to bare the jeweled crown of Aquilonia upon a troubled brow, and who had recently made motion picture history with his previous success "Conan the Destroyer", was hired by director Richard Fleischer, and cast along with Grace Jones, Wilt Chamberlain, and Mako. Hence this rousing fantasy-adventure, with wizards, princesses, and warriors a plenty! Yes, that's right, folks, that sword-wielding, Crom-worshipping Cimmerian is back, and this time, he's on a quest to help a princess retrieve a magical horn (don't worry, it's better than it sounds). Although this is definitely not as good as it's successer, this is still one good movie that will keep you entertained. It does get corny at times, and the acting does get a bit sloppy. But I still stick to my review. Basil Pouledouris does it again, with another great musical score. They should make another sequal, that shows how Conan becomes king of Aquilonia. But that is another story!

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: A fairly enjoyable adventure movie!
Review: I must say that many of my fellow reviewers here has been quite harsh on this movie.
For one; I don't understand when people say that they're disappointed with this movie? It's not Lord of the Rings, true, but it never pretends to be anything else than what it is... which is a fun adventure movie that's been made for entertainment.
The first movie (Conan: The Barbarian) was fun, but a little too cheesy at times, but the sequal is alot more fun to watch; mainly because of my personal hero: Grace Jones.
Come on... I recall a reviewer asking why she's describes as androgynous; I tell you why.
First off, Grace changed her disco-diva image in 1980 from which three of the best albums of the eighties followed (Warm Leatherette 1980), (Nightclubbing 1981) and (Living My Life 1982).
Remember her One-Man Show? It was fantastic, Grace performed with outrageous outfits and often poked at the legend of "The Demolition Man" in which she so rudelessly said: You kept on coming, you should have ran. I'm nobodys friend I'm a Demolition Man.
The whole "Grace Jones legend" is worth a mention. Conan: The Destroyer was her first major movie and she was chosen simply because of her amazing physique and muscular body.
That being said; Arnold really manages to grab the role by the throat; the main problem of the first movie was Arnold's pathetic attempt at being serious... let's face it, he failed.
The story is adequate and it certainly managed to keep me watching, Mako is also another highlight of the movie. Remember the crazy-hazed Sensei in Sidekicks? Yeah that's right it's him.
Stick the poke at the tinman and stop being so damn rightgeous.
Conan: The Destroyer is a fairly good adventure film that never pretends to be anything else than what it is.


Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Sword and the Toad
Review: This is an absurd and hastily made sequel to the far superior Conan the Barbarian. Swartz is back as the big hulking paleoanthropic warrior who has more muscle than brains. This time around the landscape looks like something out of a cheap fantasy movie and nothing ever clicks or feels like the original. The difference with this is that the first film had a believability to it and this one just oozes out vacuous emptiness. The plot concerns a princess who must fight an evil sorceress. . . not much there to begin with. Along the line there are more absurd characters including Grace Jones who resembles a twig and beats men 8 times her size with a stick. Chamberlain is even more lackluster as a personal guard to the spoiled princess who has special powers to defeat darkness. Look for the awful 'non-moving face' monster in the hall of mirrors that is about as scary as a dead fish. Even as a kid I hated this movie.



Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Great
Review: I always loved this one because i saw this one before barbarin but i love both of the movies they are great but i think i just like this one a little bit better thant he first because its more adventurous more fighting and good special affects my whole family loves this movie so i think its a good movie!

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: A cheap, but funny and light-hearted sequel.
Review: Though being a fan of Robert E. Howard's short stories I must say that funny and light-hearted are definitely NOT the words I would use to describe Conan.

The story this time has Conan go on a mission for the seductive Queen Taramis (she can be my queen ANY day). He must retrieve a gemstone which unlocks another treasure called the Horn of Dagoth. A treasure that will bring to life an Evil God. Conan doesn't care as Taramis (who was NOT a villain in Howard's short stories, her twin sister Salome however, definitely was) has promised to bring back his dead girlfriend from the first film.

And so with his ragtag group of companions: Malak (a comedy sidekick, but what happened to Subotai from the original?), Zula (Grace Jones, wearing no more than a couple of inches of leather floss), Akiro (Mako, the only returning cast member from the original), Bombaata (on a secret mission to kill Conan) and the virgin Princess Jehnna, Conan takes off on his mission.

The first film was very, very serious but this one plays more like The Dark Crystal than a Conan film. The effects and sets are very typical of early '80s fantasy movies. The violence, though not entirely muted, has been toned down somewhat. Plus Conan talks a lot more in this one. I don't have a problem with this part as he is quite cunning and intelligent in Robert E. Howard's stories. I felt they kind of sold him short in the first film by limiting his dialogue.

Some scenes reek of cheapness. The Toth-Amon/Man-Ape scene is so ridiculously fake. It makes you wonder how the filmmakers took it seriously. But it all it really does is add to the kitschy hokum of it all. And hokum and weirdness is what Howard's stories were all about.

Basil Poledouris' music is the one part of the film that is totally up to scratch. It's not as heavy as his score to the first film but he does introduce new, stronger themes and lighter takes on cues from the first.

And the ending, featuring the resurrected Dagoth reduced to a sub-Godzilla demon is just plain stupid. Not silly. Even a few more minutes of thought put into this would have made it much better.

It's a lot more formulaic and 'Hollywood' than the first. No new ground is broken and it's obviously a film made quickly to cash in on the success of CtB. Another way in which Conan has been sold short. You can tell with some gimmicks present in both films that they were trying to turn this into a long-running series. A shame that never happened. Conan the Destroyer is silly, entertaining fun. But it lacks the serious impact of the original. Oh well, we'd better just sit tight until King Conan: Crown of Iron comes out next year.

Forget this shoddy, non-anamorphic, mono-soundtracked DVD and get the R2 version. It has a much better cover-art and loads of extras including: commentaries, featurettes and a brand new 2.35:1 anamorphic picture and Dolby 5.1 sound.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Conan The Destroyed
Review: With this cheap sequel, the epic grace of the original Conan itself sinks to the level of all the B movies that sought to imitate it. An utterly pathetic sequel that Schwarzenegger should have shunned.

Although the plot was fine, it was the screenplay itself which ruined this film. The whole script was riddled with bad dialogue and stupid action scenes. In contrast to the original's cast of solid characters, the sequel has Conan accompanied by a pack of totally unappealing characters. The worst character is the sidekick thief, Malek, whose only purpose is to utter bad one-liners and act as the buffoon. As for Chamberlain, I'm sorry but the guy can't even act well in a low-grade 'B' film and should have stayed with basketball.

Don't waste your money either buying or renting this film: it's not worth a dime. The only time I saw this film is when it was originally released on the big screen: I don't care to ever watch it again.



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