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Friday the 13th Part VII - The New Blood

Friday the 13th Part VII - The New Blood

List Price: $14.99
Your Price: $13.49
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Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Bad "Blood"
Review: This seventh installment to the series is the second of many nails (the first was "Friday V") to be driven into the coffin of "Friday the 13th". Tina, a telekenetic, travels with her mother, and her therapist to Camp Crystal Lake, the sight of a horrible accident that cost Tina's father his life and years of therapy for her. But, Tina's powers are uncontrollable and during one of her fits she accidently breaks Jason free from his watery grave and, before you can say ch-ch-ch-ah-ah-ah, he's back to dispatching a group of teenagers partying at a nearby cabin & facing off in the inevitable showdown with Tina. Basically, its Carrie vs. Jason. Lar Park Lincoln, plays Tina and Kane Hodder masks up for the first of four "Friday"s as Jason.

The DVD presentation sucks. "Paramount" has not put any features on the disc (not even a fu**ing trailer, for God's sake!) & the audio is Dolby Digital Surround, but not 5.1. Rent, don't buy this disc. You'll feel much better when it's time to pay the electric bill.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: The last of the old school
Review: This is the LAST old school style slasher in this series as the next one went "campy" or MORE campy than these did. this one features a girl with telekinesis that takes on ol Wormy Head Jason. Definitely a fun film to watch. People who try to find "realism" in these films are missing the point.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood
Review: Directed by makeup effects artist John Carl Buechler, the seventh in the long-running, grisly horror series was far from the last, although the climactic fate of its antagonist would seem to suggest a final send-off. Lar Park Lincoln stars as Tina Shepard, a teenager with uncontrolled telekinetic powers. As a girl vacationing at Camp Crystal Lake, Tina killed her abusive father with the use of her mental abilities. Years later, seeking intensive counseling from manipulative, greedy psychologist Dr. Crews (Terry Kiser), Tina agrees to participate in a radical therapy that takes her back to Camp Crystal Lake. Unfortunately, Tina's psychic skills rouse the slumbering Jason Voorhees (Kane Hodder) from his watery grave and, in typically bloody fashion, the vengeful spook begins dispatching the randy teenagers partying in a house nearby. As Tina attempts to stop Jason's slaughter with the use of her powers, the mass-murdering ghoul encounters his toughest opponent yet. This is probably the most over-rated "Friday the 13th" to date, and yet I still watch it...

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: 7 IS AN UNLUCKY NUMBER!
Review: I love this whole series and I am making it my goal to buy every last one on DVD, but I'm pretty poor. This movie is great because it offers something a little more different. Instead of just stupid teens getting killed, you get stupid teens and a telekinetic girl in the mix. Jason is the 2nd best killer out there. Freddy is the man, 'cuz he can make your reality the worst thing you've ever seen.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: You Can Never Have Enough Horror Sequels!
Review: This was the last great Friday The 13th. Part 8 and "Jason Goes To Hell" were both kind of dumb, in my humble opinion.

This one probably has the best plot of the whole series. It isn't just your average "Jason kills a bunch of teenagers", no siree. This time, the plot revolves around a girl named Tina, who has strong telekinetic powers (the ability to move things with your mind). Eventually, she proves to be Jason's toughest rival of all time.
Years ago, Tina accidentally used her powers to kill her father, and this incident would continue to haunt the rest of her life. Soon, she and her mother visit a place called...yes...Camp Crystal Lake. As usual, a bunch of rowdy teens have inhabited the place too. After they all meet their fate, courtesy of Mr. Voorhies, Tina must put a stop to Jason once and for all (assuming that's even possible, of course). In the end, which might just be the most incredible scene of the whole series, Tina manages to give Jason one hell of a fight, via her telekinesis. Using nothing but her brain, she electrocutes him, makes a house fall on him and sets him on fire, but even all of THAT isn't enough to stop the masked maniac, and....well, I won't tell you what happens in the end. Just watch it.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Play That Homicidal Screaming White Boy!
Review: Footnote: Official Actual Rating: 0 Stars (0 Star Rating)

In order to articulate and explain inanity especially biblically humongous absurdity such as this, one must comment on it in just kind. So here is my visceral response to John Carl Buechler's cinematic wasteland of Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988). Also this parody works better if you approach the farce as the lyrical reworking of one 70's landmark to the embarrassment of the other.

(Cue K.C. and the Sunshine Band's "Play That Funky Music White Boy" in the background)

(Beginning Opening Instrumental)

Yeah...... start the killing now.......

(Continued Instrumental)

Oh yey yey!!!

(More Instrumental)

As always, he was a homicidal artist... living near Camp

Crystal Lake.

Hardly having any tussles...ah-uh... except with every couple

on the make.

All the action seemed a coming...yeah... all those teen-aged

campers must have been slow.

Old Jason must have chosen swiftly....yes he did... he had to

go visit the mating below.

(Cue Trumpets)

There was huge grunting, deep kissing, and all bases were

seemingly covered...

Then right then they heard him and the couples turned around

and screamed,

"Impale Us Now With Table Legs Masked One. Butcher Us Until The

Body Count's Right. Slaughter Us In Whatever Way Masked One.

Throttle Us If Necessary, Living Way Past Twenty Is A Crime. Is

A Crime! Oh Yeah!"

(More Instrumental)

Ho!Ho!

(Continued Instrumental)

All Right!

(Additional Instrumental)

Yeah, Jason tried to comprehend this... Just as he was

hollowing their heads.

Were they really quite that stupid....Yes they could...To think

that he could really be that kind.

So he kept on a stalking... Gutting teens every chance he could

take.

He thought that he could reside there...Must return... So he

might live in the forest all alone.

(Cue Trumpets)

Then there came a bustling, a hustling, more outcasts appear in

the wilds there...

First necking, plus groping, and then jarred they turned around

and howled,

"Impale Us Now With Table Legs Masked One. Butcher Us Until The

Body Count's Right. Slaughter Us In Whatever Way Masked One.

Throttle Us If Necessary,

Living Way Past Twenty Is A Crime. Is A Crime! Oh Yeah!"

(Continued Instrumental)

Uh Huh!

(More Instrumental)

Hey! Hey! Is A Crime!

(Additional Instrumental)

Yeah! You Couldn't Have Left Him Buried Now Could You?

(Instrumental Guitar Solo)

Oh, He suddenly became so thirsty... For cannibalizing

teenagers at night.

He noticed he wasn't getting as tipsy... He knew he had to

whittle many more teens quick.

His frustration grew that much faster...Very much faster... For

the hordes no longer seemed rapidly coming.

Jason just wasn't finding that tingling...No he wasn't... Of

harvesting all those teens that he wanted.

(Cue Trumpets)

Yet just then came cheap Pintos, Volkswagens, RV's motoring to the cabins...

Then the smooching, and love-bites just before the couples

turned and whaled,

"Impale Us Now With Table Legs Masked One. Butcher Us

Until The Body Count's Right. Slaughter Us In Whatever Way

Masked One. Throttle Us If Necessary, Living Way Past Twenty Is

A Crime. Is A Crime! Oh Yeah!"

(Continued Instrumental)

Woo! Woo!

(More Instrumental)

Yeah! He's His Mother's Little Child!

(Additional Instrumental)

"Oh Now Let's Stalk. Impale Us Now With Table Legs! Impale Us

Now With The Harpoon Guns! Gut Us With Some Hunting Knives! Go

Ahead And Rip Our Pharynges Out! Throttle Us If Necessary,

Living Way Past Twenty Is A Crime. Is A Crime! Oh Yeah!"

(The End)

As for the DVD edition of John Carl Buechler's Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, this rather excellently translated DVD edition contains a rather conventional 1:85 to 1 wide-screen anamorphic presentation, a slightly above standard Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo audio track, a single theatrical trailer, and virtually nothing else to acknowledge save the massively deficient film itself.

P.S. Not even the streaming whirlwinds of telepathy, psychotherapy, or the mono e mono bruiting madness of asinine melodrama can save this massively asunder cinematic impetuous idiocy for the merciless whims of it's own vividly insipid one-dimensionality. View this imbecilic wreck at your own grave risk of momentary blindness, intellectual scurvy, or possible mental incapacitation. You have been warned. I'd rather watch all the episodes of V the television show than this.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: 5th best Jason movie.
Review: When Tina killed her father in Camp Crystal Lake.She is now a teen and travels with her mom and seedy doctor.She fells bad so she tries to bring her father back,instead she brings Jason back.When Jason rises to kill teens that live next door.Tina must battle Jason.This Jason movie is decent but the lack of blood messes up this movie.there is blood here and there.Here's the Pros and Cons

Pros:
Kane Hodder takes the role as Jason
Jason looks creepier than part 6

Cons:
Lacks blood

Best Deaths:
Jason's hand throw Dan's back.

Jason takes Judy's sleeping bag with her in it and bashes her on a tree.

Jason crushes Ben's head.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: This is like scary movie
Review: this movie is not the worse but its really korny about the whole story line to it.i dont think the series is going to become any better

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: New Blood, Old Movie. Good Movie
Review: This one played on T.V and I watched it and i was pretty pleased. A girl when she gets kinda of mad she could move stuff with her mind, so she did by Crystal Lake and she let Jason out, well at the end Jason trys to kill her, well she gets mad and starts using her powers on him, can she finally put this MadDog to sleep or will Jason again suceed.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Corny
Review: The movie was pretty good but the whole phychic power thing is pretty corny.


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