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Summary: Takes A Real Load Off My Mind!! Thank You!
Review: After trying to solve others problems, encourage them, give them advice, no matter how great I thought they were, this book awakened me to the idea of letting others come up with their own answers and how I could stop allowing myself to be emotionally manipulated. I feel like I have just come out of a coma in this area. Until now I never understood what people really wanted when they started unloading their feelings and problems to me. They didn't want me to solve their propblems or fix their lives, they simply wanted their feelings validated so they could then come up with their own solutions. For me this is the most valuable information I have found in the last 15 years. The applications for use of this information are unlimited. I was speaking with a very successful collections agent. As we were talking, the subject of validating people's feelings came up. She told me that this was her secret to collecting on accounts that no one else had been able to. For me the possiblities for applications of these concepts in all of my personal and business relationships is fantastic. Thank you Gary & Joy
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Summary: Very practical, not just philosophy
Review: As a father of four, ages 10 - 2 the two things I liked most about this book are; First, after talking about a principle, it gives real-life examples of what works (or doesn't work) in family situations. Second, it's giving me a chance to have my kids grow up in a validating atmosphere. I will never say "you're not mad," or "you don't really think that" again. Someday my children are going to write a big thank-you note to the authors. :-)
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Summary: Like to reward yourself by curling up with a good book?
Review: Do so with this one. Afterwards, you'll be able to "curl-up" with a great conversation - same learning, same enjoyment, same fulfillment. In forty years of rabid reading, only five books have had an immediate and earth-shaking affect on my life. This is one of them. Don't miss it!
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Summary: Very helpful and easy to read
Review: Easy to read, very helpful, gives tips on what to say when someone is asking for your advice.
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Summary: All of your relationships will be improved. Enjoy the peace.
Review: Hi, readers. Thanks for spending a minute with us. Three years ago we self published our book, I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better. We were teaching the six principles in our seminars and those attending wanted them in print. "Write the book," was the request we heard over and over again. We printed 5,000 copies; they sold and we kept reprinting. After selling 60,000 copies (and much to our delight) the New York publishing company, Viking Penguin, bought the world-wide English publishing rights and their new hardback edition is now available. By then we had received many letters and calls from readers telling us how the book had helped them. We knew the principles worked in our own lives and the lives of clients, and were so pleased to find they were genuinely helping others in their relationships, too. Here's a sampling of stories we have received: • "I had given up hope on ever being able to communicate with my wife and my children. Our conversations always ended in an argument. Then I read your book. It has been a miracle in my life. I now have a great relationship with my wife and my children. These principles work!" • "Your book gave us back our sixteen-year-old son. He had rebelled and nothing we tried worked. It only seemed to drive him further away. Then we bought your book and everything changed. We can't thank you enough." • "I refer all my clients to your book. It has saved marriages in my family counseling practice. Even a teenage client read and applied the principles and said, 'My mom is super reasonable now.' It's also helping step parents blend their families. I appreciate the simple clear way you present these principles. Thank you." • "My grown children's problems were killing me. I kept trying to make everything all better for them, and I couldn't. My health was failing as a result of the worry and stress. Then I bought your book. I'm using your principles and my health has returned. And my kids like me better. They're solving their own problems now." • "I'm a salesman and your book has been a great asset in working with my clients. These concepts are amazing." We hope this helps you understand a little more about what our book might do for you. After you have read it we would love to hear from you. Our best reward is knowing it has helped others enjoy peace and happiness in their lives.
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Summary: EVERYONE needs this book!
Review: I am not one to read self-help type of books, but upon special recommendation I read this one. I am SO GLAD I did. Joy and Gary have hit upon the very nerve of all realationships, giving us invaluable tools to improve damaging relationships, and enrich good ones. As I have applied the six principles discussed in the book there has been greater wisdom and joy in my home, and more peace in my own mind. My goal now is to keep these steps in practice, and by example teach them to my children thus helping them enjoy thier lives all the more. Contention disappears, and stress lessens when these steps are applied. There isn't a person alive who couldn't use the great benefits of this book.
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Summary: EVERYONE needs this book!
Review: I am not one to read self-help type of books, but upon special recommendation I read this one. I am SO GLAD I did. Joy and Gary have hit upon the very nerve of all realationships, giving us invaluable tools to improve damaging relationships, and enrich good ones. As I have applied the six principles discussed in the book there has been greater wisdom and joy in my home, and more peace in my own mind. My goal now is to keep these steps in practice, and by example teach them to my children thus helping them enjoy thier lives all the more. Contention disappears, and stress lessens when these steps are applied. There isn't a person alive who couldn't use the great benefits of this book.
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Summary: Changed my life
Review: I am often skeptical of self-help books, anticipating that they may be too simplistic, but this one did not fall into this group. The authors take care in their presentation of ideas, and while it is simple, accessible, and conversational, it is well-thought out, caring, and well-presented. I learned to validate others' feelings rather than feeling compelled to correct the person or the problem. While I am not a dramatically changed person, which few books can hope for, I do expect that the book helped these ideas sink in. My 3 stars is a postive rating: I save 4 and 5 for special cases.
Rating: 
Summary: Thoughtful and useful
Review: I am often skeptical of self-help books, anticipating that they may be too simplistic, but this one did not fall into this group. The authors take care in their presentation of ideas, and while it is simple, accessible, and conversational, it is well-thought out, caring, and well-presented. I learned to validate others' feelings rather than feeling compelled to correct the person or the problem. While I am not a dramatically changed person, which few books can hope for, I do expect that the book helped these ideas sink in. My 3 stars is a postive rating: I save 4 and 5 for special cases.
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Summary: The Best Relationship Book I've Ever Read!
Review: I Don't Have To Make Everything All Better, the title caught my eye as I browsed through an airport bookstore. The first thought that came to my mind was, "I wish that were true." At the time I was heavy with personal and relationship issues and the title made me curious so I bought the book. As I read this book over the next couple of days issues in my relationships became amazingly clear. I kept thinking, "Yes, yes, this is it! This is what I need to be applying in my marriage and in all my relationships!" Each page seemed incredibly simple and practical and, at the same time, profound and powerful. As I took in the content, I first thought about myself and my relationships, especially my relationship with my wife and kids. Then I thought about everyone I knew and worked with. I have worked with people one on one and in small groups for the past 18 years, and I kept thinking, "Everyone needs this book!" The principles in this book hit right at the heart of relationships. The Lundbergs insightfully reveal that all of us need to know that we are of worth, that we matter to those around us. We all want to be valued and listened to. However most people don't feel listened to. Most of us don't listen well to others, even the people we love the most. Instead of listening most of us tend to think about our own situation or problems, or we begin to formulate well meaning "advice" we can give to "fix" that person. In so doing we inevitably invalidate that person and begin a process of negative relating for everyone involved. In contrast, the Lundbergs present 6 very simple, practical principles that, when applied, will empower the people and relationships we care about. In a nutshell they practically demonstrate that when we listen - when we truely listen to those we care about, without becoming defensive or thinking about how to "fix" them, we in essence validate them. When people feel validated they are empowered to solve their own struggles and problems with you walking beside them. My wife had told me for years that I did not "validate" her experience, her emotions, her opinions. After reading this book I finally knew what she meant. I meant well by trying to encourage and give advice, but I had never truely listened to her. Once I began applying the principles in this book I felt freed up from always trying to "fix" her and she felt empowered and respected more fully by me. In the work that I do I have literally read 100's of books in the past 18 years - most of them dealing with relationships and leadership. This is the best book I have read on either topic! Get this book, read it, apply it, and share it with others! Dan Christensen
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