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Summary: Outstanding book--truly helpful!
Review: This book does a very clear job of defining emotional blackmail so you can begin to easily spot emotional blackmailers in your life. It then concludes with telling you specifically how to deal with emotional blackmail, that is, how to keep your energy, resources, and sometimes your very soul, from being stolen by them. Something that was particularly important for me personally in the book was the part at the end where she talks about not emotionally blackmailing *yourself*! What an insight! I realized that even when rigid, controlling people are not around to inspire guilt, fear and shame in me to get me to do things that are hurtful to me for their selfish benefit, I have a "voice" in my head that does the job for them, telling me that whatever I do that doesn't fit the world view of past and present blackmailers is "wrong," "selfish," or even "evil." So I beat myself up on behalf of my blackmailers even when they are not around to do it. I also was impressed by the insight that not only does it "take two to tango," that no one can blackmail me if I don't let them, but that it is also possible for me to actually "train" people to blackmail me. This is particularly, true, I think, for those of us raised in rigid, controlling homes with emotionally blackmailing parents. Thereafter, we are, so to speak, fertile ground for any future emotional blackmailers. I had rather been realizing these sorts of things the past few years now that I'm in my 40s (the middle years when we suddenly reevaluate our whole life), and gradually eliminating emotional blackmailers from my life, without exactly using that term. (The term I used was ridding myself of people whose presence felt like "being nibbled to death by ducks.") This book has validated my innate human "right" to not be eaten alive by the selfish demands of others. Kudos to Ms. Forward!
Rating:
Summary: Oh my God!
Review: This book from Ms Brown describes the different aspects and forms within toxic relation-ships.
You learn to analyze your particular situation and how to counteract. Quite practical! If your feelings about others are somehow strange,guild loaden, fearful etc, the author helps you to clarify the situation and offers practical adivse.
Interaction and communication get improved adhoc. Highly recommendable!
In fact I started reading the book at night, and could not stop anymore. The next day I started practise her advise. And first success made me more confident. However, situations, especially in families are not single occasions but processes, so apply your new self-esteem, knowledge and attitude everywhere applicable!
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Summary: Thank you-what a revelation
Review: This book saved my sanity!!. I spent two years trying to figure someone out. Up was down, black was white. She changed her moods as often as you change the channel. I continually took responsibility and apologized thinking I could get back the girl I once knew. This book taught me that that is the absolutely worst thing to do to an emotional blackmailer. It just empowers them to abuse you more. While I knew the relationship had soured, I did not know why or what happened. I thought I would spend the rest of my life wondering where I went wrong. Through this book, found someone who was admittedly insecure and stubborn to be a master manipulator and controller. And learned that it was not my responsibilty nor was it possible to "fix" her. She knew how emotionally attached I was and purposely became distant. While the book tells of strategies to deal with someone who is an emotional blackmailer, I feel liberated and confident that my decision to end the madness and the relationship was correct. Thank you Susan Forward, I am forever in your debt.
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Summary: This book should be taught in school...
Review: This is definitely one of those books I wish I'd read years ago. Finally someone put my gut feelings into words. It's easy to know you are being manipulated by the ever-present ugly results. BUT being able to see through our own prejudices and preconceived fears to see exactly how we are being manipulated is extremely difficult. Dr. Forward does an amazing job of explaining this in clear, easy-to-read language. Best of all she shows how to to deactivate "hot buttons," get empowered and take back control of our lives. I'm seriously thinking of giving this one out as gifts!
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Summary: Validation for emotional abuse victims at last!
Review: Victims of emotional and verbal abuse will find validation AND understanding in this excellent text on the legacy of hurt and shame left by master manipulators of the emotions. Good advice for victims AND their abusers who truly want to change.
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