Rating: 
Summary: Powerful, Practical Principles for Marriages -- A Classic!!
Review: After 15 years, Harley's work is as profound now as it was when first published. Harley has revised his book in various places, updating it based upon lessons learned since the previous edition and making it applicable to marital challenges of the 21st century. His concepts are powerful and practical. While written by a conservative Christian author, these principles are applicable to persons regardless of their religious background.Harley's approach to "affair-proofing" a marriage centers on a concept he labels "the love bank." Every husband and wife has a love bank that encounters both deposits and withdrawals from the opposite sex. A crucial distinction is made, however, in that deposits and withdrawals are made differently with men than they are with women. These differences are based upon the ten most felt needs of a relationship with the opposite gender. Husbands, in general, place the highest importance on the following five needs: sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support, and admiration. Wives, in general, place the highest importance on the following five needs: affection, conversation, honesty and openness, financial support, and family commitment. Both genders express need for all ten items, but typically husbands and wives have contrasting priorities. According to Harley, when an individual meets one or more of the partner's greatest felt needs, deposits are made into the partner's love bank. When one or more needs are not met, withdrawals are made from the partner's love bank. An affair occurs when a spouse finds fulfillment for a strongly felt need elsewhere because it is not being met satisfactorily within the marriage. Harley's love bank concept is the centerpiece of his best-selling work. While his list of felt needs may not apply precisely to every man and woman, he does present a very accurate picture for most men and women in our society today. He concludes his book with giving tips on surviving an affair, and offering hope to couples struggling with a sense of incompatibility. If you are serious about preparing for marriage, protecting your marriage, or propelling your marriage to even greater heights, this book is a must. Order it, read it, and see how powerful and practical these time-proven principles are!
Rating: 
Summary: A terrible book
Review: After reading this book, I realize on thing. Willard Harley is a complete and utter misogynist. Anyone who would suggest that a wife have plastic surgery to keep her husband demonstrates an incredibly shallow and narcissistic view of what marriage is. The sad thing is that there are many women who struggle with self esteem. Willards books does everything possible to undermine a womens value except within the context of how she can "server her man" I would not even recomend this book to my worst enemy.
Rating: 
Summary: Chauvinist tripe
Review: At first, I really enjoyed reading this book. I totally agreed with the theory of "The Love Bank." I found the lists of priorities men and women attach to their marriage very interesting (and enlightening).
But as the book went on, I couldn't help rolling my eyes in disgust at the chauvinist comments the author would make. I mean, do you really have to be submissive and helpless to be a good Christian wife?
Given how much I agreed with the importance of your partner being your companion during activities you enjoy, I was disappointed with how Harley approached the activities, the solutions, and the inevitable "boys will be boys" attitude he espoused.
Most of this book is common sense. Will it really affair-proof your marriage? I doubt it. It'll either happen or it won't. If you act like a jerk, you may get cheated on. If you marry a jerk, you may get cheated on. Other than that, there are no guarantees.
Instead of reading this book, go out and spend some time with your spouse.
Rating:
Summary: Building a solid marriage
Review: Don't even listen to the reviewers that gave this book one measly star. This is a terrific book on how to honestly affair-prrof yoru marriage. It has the top ten needs, half of which are more common to women (affection, conversation, honesty and openness, financial support, and famiyl commitment) and half of which are more common to men (sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support, and admiration). The author admits that affairs are common nad tries to give couples ways to not fall into that trap. This is a must-have for every couple...engaged, newlywed, or married for 50 years. There is tons of useful information in here.
Rating: 
Summary: Great book with a few flaws.
Review: First of all, i have to say that i think that this is a great book. It gives a good overview of what men and women TEND to be looking for in a relationship. In reading the previous reviews i found it funny seeing the criticisms of two women who seem to see this book as women bashing, since as a guy i had issues with this book seeming to be male bashing... First of all, in response to the previous attacks on the book all i can say is that while women TEND to be more relationship focused thus communication, affection, etc. TEND to be what they are looking for in a man. Thus since guys TEND not to as relationship focused, what a woman sees as defining a person is not necessarily what a man sees. I could criticize women and say all women want is a robot with skin that will talk to her, agree with her, and touch her. That would be just as narrow and unrealistic as some of the comments made previously. It takes character to be the kind of woman a man is looking for. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to marry a selfish, overbearing woman who didn't care how she looked, wasn't interested in having fun with me, and expected me to be perfect 100% of the time and in all ways before she was willing to be intimate with me. Yet that seems to be the picture that comes to mind when taking these needs to an extreme. Ultimately i believe that Harley has a clearly credible case for both sides and i would gladly pass this book on. However as with many books in this genre it is rather narrowly focused. It doesn't discuss what communication is how to deal with it when it is broken down, or any of a hundred different topics important for a healthy marriage. Then again, it has to be that way to keep from being 2000 pages and losing it's focus instead of 200 and clear. My biggest concern with this book is what seems to be the male bashing. In reading the first five needs discussed it always seems to be the man's fault that the need is not being met. The man isn't affectionate enough with his wife, it's all his fault. The man's need for sexual intimacy... well, if men were fulfilling their wife's need for affection then this wouldn't be a problem thus it's all his fault. Communication... men you need to communicate more with your wife. You need to drop everything else to make sure that you are talking to her 24hours a day. Recreational companionship... It's all your fault men, you need to stop doing what you enjoy if your wife doesn't enjoy it. Thus all sports should be banned unless your wife likes them too. In those first four chapters Harley goes up one side of the man and down the other blaming him for all of the problems and not once mentions that maybe the woman needs to make changes such as, stoping spending so much time on the phone with her sister/mother/friend (her recreational interests) and spend it with him doing things they both enjoy instead. Or maybe that if the wife took some real interest in their sexual relationship instead of getting annoyed that her husband actually finds her sexually attractive or having an attitude of "I'm doing this because i'm supposed to so i'm just going to bear through it", then maybe she would find that he is more affectionate with her. The relationship works two ways, and yet it seems like Harley focuses a whole lot more on the guys being at fault for things than the women. That's not to say that he doesn't ever focus on the women, as is evident in the chapter on physical attraction (this chapter i have a great many issues with what Harley says), but overall the blame seems to be placed much more on the man than on the woman. Like i said before. This is a great book. I would and have recommended it on many occasions, but always with reservations and stating that i don't agree with everything Harley says.
Rating:
Summary: Great book with a few flaws.
Review: First of all, i have to say that i think that this is a great book. It gives a good overview of what men and women TEND to be looking for in a relationship. In reading the previous reviews i found it funny seeing the criticisms of two women who seem to see this book as women bashing, since as a guy i had issues with this book seeming to be male bashing... First of all, in response to the previous attacks on the book all i can say is that while women TEND to be more relationship focused thus communication, affection, etc. TEND to be what they are looking for in a man. Thus since guys TEND not to as relationship focused, what a woman sees as defining a person is not necessarily what a man sees. I could criticize women and say all women want is a robot with skin that will talk to her, agree with her, and touch her. That would be just as narrow and unrealistic as some of the comments made previously. It takes character to be the kind of woman a man is looking for. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to marry a selfish, overbearing woman who didn't care how she looked, wasn't interested in having fun with me, and expected me to be perfect 100% of the time and in all ways before she was willing to be intimate with me. Yet that seems to be the picture that comes to mind when taking these needs to an extreme. Ultimately i believe that Harley has a clearly credible case for both sides and i would gladly pass this book on. However as with many books in this genre it is rather narrowly focused. It doesn't discuss what communication is how to deal with it when it is broken down, or any of a hundred different topics important for a healthy marriage. Then again, it has to be that way to keep from being 2000 pages and losing it's focus instead of 200 and clear. My biggest concern with this book is what seems to be the male bashing. In reading the first five needs discussed it always seems to be the man's fault that the need is not being met. The man isn't affectionate enough with his wife, it's all his fault. The man's need for sexual intimacy... well, if men were fulfilling their wife's need for affection then this wouldn't be a problem thus it's all his fault. Communication... men you need to communicate more with your wife. You need to drop everything else to make sure that you are talking to her 24hours a day. Recreational companionship... It's all your fault men, you need to stop doing what you enjoy if your wife doesn't enjoy it. Thus all sports should be banned unless your wife likes them too. In those first four chapters Harley goes up one side of the man and down the other blaming him for all of the problems and not once mentions that maybe the woman needs to make changes such as, stoping spending so much time on the phone with her sister/mother/friend (her recreational interests) and spend it with him doing things they both enjoy instead. Or maybe that if the wife took some real interest in their sexual relationship instead of getting annoyed that her husband actually finds her sexually attractive or having an attitude of "I'm doing this because i'm supposed to so i'm just going to bear through it", then maybe she would find that he is more affectionate with her. The relationship works two ways, and yet it seems like Harley focuses a whole lot more on the guys being at fault for things than the women. That's not to say that he doesn't ever focus on the women, as is evident in the chapter on physical attraction (this chapter i have a great many issues with what Harley says), but overall the blame seems to be placed much more on the man than on the woman. Like i said before. This is a great book. I would and have recommended it on many occasions, but always with reservations and stating that i don't agree with everything Harley says.
Rating:
Summary: Conditional Love & Plastic Surgery - YEAH that's what I want
Review: Horrible, horrible. My wife and I were given this book as a gift and were both floored by it's contents and impractical advice and unsustanciated stereotypes. If this advice is the way things should be done, then there is no hope for mankind. Wow. It was pretty sexist on both ends. I was stunned that Dr. Harley would even suggest that women get plastic surgery to meet their husbands needs. He makes it sound as if the male population is infected with the "Centerfold Syndrome". This book is two dimensional and very shallow. I would not recommend this to a dog.
Rating:
Summary: Brilliant
Review: I almost did not buy this book because of the negative reviews scattered throughout this list. But the table of contents was so compelling and the reviews so polarized that I had to see for myself ~ and decided I'd better read it before I recommended it to the man in my life. As a woman, I find this book so accurate in so many ways that I'm tempted to underline the many statements the book makes that apply to me and give it to my loved one as a relationship bible and ask him to do the same for me. The exercises in the book look very useful ~ by the way, the book arrived today and I have only just put it down to write this review.
Ladies, those of you who have written appaulled by the chapter stating that men want an attractive wife, perhaps you have forgotten the reason you looked your best for your first date, for the day you thought he was going to propose, for your wedding day. At the time, you seemed to understand how important it was for you to look attractive and appealing to your man. Since you did not want him to change his romantic ways after marriage (and chances are he did) why would you think he would want you to change the way you take care of yourself? I didn't see anything in the book about plastic surgery, and I think the negative reviews way over exaggerate the book's encouragement of women's efforts to take care of themselves physically.
I've always believed that a man should not do anything at the beginning of a relationship (like send flowers, open car doors) that he's not willing to do until the end of time should the relationship last that long. Because if it was all for the catch, it was false advertising. So is your trim figure and attractive attire if they are only geared toward attaining the relationship in the first place. We all know men are visual creatures. The book doesn't say you can't get older, it only says to watch your weight and take care of your appearance because it very well may mean a great deal to the man you love.
If you are very over-weight, I think this book is telling the truth in more cases than many people would like to imagine. And that truth is that not only is it unhealthy for your body, it's unhealthy for your relationship if your significant other is like the majority of men. Yelling at the author isn't going to change that. It is stated clearly in the book that not all people have these same needs at these same degrees. But in my experience his expression of men's needs seem to be right on the nose and he describes my needs as a woman better than I've ever been able to explain myself.
Rating:
Summary: A reflection of the worst in American society
Review: I read this book some months ago.I was so shocked by its
obvious sexism ,I couldn't find the words to say what
dislike I have for its writer.Unfortunately this mindset is
common in the evangelical world.The woman has to be a perfect
image of beauty or her worth as a person is less.He condones
plastic surgery because he states"men are visual" and if I
hear that one more time,,I'm going to get sick!Women are
visual too but no one wants us to think that because it might
take away controll from the patriarchial far right,,,because it
leaves one to ponder maybe a woman IS a full human being and
not just a sex object for an arrogant mindless evangelical
crusading moron.Need I say more??
Rating:
Summary: Preventative medicine for relationships...
Review: I was directed to this book by a friend whose husband recently had an affair on her. My fiancee and I had been having trouble and, though no one was having an affair, we were having trouble that finally resulted in us postponing the wedding.
I can't say for certain whether or not the book will help, but it did resonate with me -- and with my fiancee, although she's still in the process of reading it.
Harley's basic thesis is that to make marriage work, each partner has to do things that continue building love. In his terminology, you have to keep getting "positive deposits of love units in your Love Bank."
Now, as cheesy as the "Love Bank" analogy is, I think it is useful, although he relies on it extremely heavily and I'm not sure that is so productive. It seems like it runs a danger of creating a constant state of paranoia about screwing up and making the other person unhappy.
Of course, in my own relationship, that's exactly the state I've been in for months...
He breaks down human needs to ten areas, five of which are (generally) most important to men and five of which are (generally) most important to women -- although every couple is unique, he points out regularly.
The needs are:
Affection
Sexual Fulfillment
Conversation
Recreational Companionship
Honesty & Openness
Physical Attractiveness
Financial Support
Domestic Support
Family Commitment
Admiration
So maybe there is something to thinking about the Love Bank. Maybe there is merit to the idea that you focus yourself on fulfilling your partner's needs. Perhaps it is useful to constantly think about what actions you can perform that will get you deposits instead of withdrawals from the Love Bank.
The one piece of advice that I think is most outrageous is when he says, as part of "Recreational Companionship," that couples should begin eliminating recreational activities that both partners don't enjoy or take part in. So I have to completely purge myself of video games, writing reviews on Epinions, and other assorted activities while my fiancee must completely purge herself of sewing. Cooking we can keep because, while I don't care to cook, I avidly enjoy the eating phase, so it's still a joint activity.
I do understand his rationale on this -- it is more helpful to the relationship to do activities that we both enjoy together than to do individual activities separately. But he's recommending giving up things that you love to do, and even activities that may not bother your spouse, just as a preventative measure because such activities might, in the future, cause some sort of discord between you. While I can't fault his logic, it seems unreasonable and extreme. In his defense, Harley makes it clear that this is one of the most controversial aspects of his program -- but he sticks with it.
Aside from that, I found few problems with Harley's thinking. Basically, he's saying that to stay married you have to stay in love and in order to stay in love you must continue trying to please your spouse. If it has any fault, it's probably that it's too simple for today's complex world.
This, I think, is part of the problem with society instead of with this book: the world is so complex that people aren't taking the time to actually devote themselves to their spouse.
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