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Summary: Breathtaking memoir that reminds us of why we're really here
Review: I'm an editor. I read a ton -- maybe even more than a ton. I'm not sure what prompted me to pick this up and read it -- maybe one of Martha's Bunraku puppeteers. . . I'm not a mother nor did I go to Harvard, but I do have a learning disabled sister (though not with Down's.) This is the first book I've read that really demonstrates -- in magnificent lyrical prose -- what these special people bring to our families, lives, communities and world. Everyone must read this book.
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Summary: In one word . . . OUTSTANDING
Review: Beck's book is outstanding. It is an inspiration for all of us who struggle for higher meaning and purpose. I rarely read and when I do, it is even less likely I will actually finish the book. I must say, I not only read this book, I read it in record time because I could not put it down! Yes, she talks about having a baby with Down Syndrome, yes, she and her husband are Harvard graduates, and yes, I have nothing in common with either of these descriptions, but I absolutely loved it. Beck's book is for all of us -- it will fill your heart, inspire you, comfort you and lift you up. Do yourself a favor and read this book - now!
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Summary: a beautiful story about loving and being loved
Review: I was so moved by this book that I would like to give a copy to every person I love and care about. This book is about how truly misguided the idea of "success" in our society has become. It is about choosing to make your life more meaningful and happy. Although some reviewers refer to it as a spiritual book, it is a powerful sociological analysis of the deep-seated prejudices in our society against being "different" or "unusual". What could be more natural than a mother deciding to behave like one? Yet what is most astonishing in the story is the refusal of so many people to understand and support that decision. I myself am a person who deeply believes in a woman's choice, and yet I remain amazed by those ignorant enough to insist that "choice" means believing in abortion-particularly with regard to disabled children. Martha Beck's "choice" was to give birth to her child. How many times have I thought to myself how lucky my husband and I were not to have known that our daughter would some day be labeled "disabled". I cannot imaging being deprived of her miraculous and deeply treasured self, simply because she has turned out to be different than our expectations. When women choose abortions, it has to do with their own lives, and needs, and resources. This book is about why that is such a wonderful way to help a child enter the world. Martha Beck made her choices understanding that she was choosing for herself, and not because the baby she was carrying met, exceeded or disappointed her own or others' expectations. She has a lesson to teach all of us-even the reader from Brooklyn so offended by the way the author uses Harvard in the book. This story is the story of a couple, both of whom suffered from a belief that their "value" stemmed from their intelligence, their academic achievement, and their professional potential. At different points in their lives, both were forced up against the knowledge that they had been pursuing goals and lives entirely devoted to proving them worthy of being loved. These lives were called into serious question by the challenge of being faced with the birth of their second child, who would be born retarded. Although the author talks a lot about Harvard, it is not about trying to impress us with the meaning of her Harvard degrees. For those readers who start out their lives already so wise and well-adjusted they can't imagine why kids who go to exclusive schools are sometimes so in awe of that achievement-which seems so egotistical-perhaps this book is not necessary. However, for those like the rest of us, who question the values around us, but still founder when daring to imagine things differently, the book is a godsend. Though it may come as a shock to many educationally and professionally successful people to hear that the reverse side of a high IQ is sometimes an enormous sense of self-doubt and a lack of feelings of self-worth, it is nonetheless very true. One has to be fairly driven to compete in much of today's academic and professional world-given the costs demanded as "ritual sacrifices" by the Gods of Success. And in order to ignore our natural tendencies to seek pleasure rather than pain, a certain amount of necessary approval from parents and teachers has to be made contingent on academic and professional achievement or else normal folk won't be willing to suffer the sacrifices. By allowing us to understand the Harvard environment, the author helps us to understand just how desperately she and her husband believed they had to be "successful" in that world in order to feel worthy of love. Their lesson-part of the spiritual tale which is also a focus of the story-is that we all deserve to be loved-not for what we achieve but for who we are. This is not what they teach at Harvard-or any other academic institution of high repute, as far as I have observed. Lots of people will not need to hear that lesson-but every parent should, even if they already believe they know everything about parenting. Imagine a world in which all children were as wanted and as loved as Adam-it would be like heaven on earth. This book is about trying to get back on track with what the most profound goals of our lives should be, and how to achieve them. Ironically, there is not as much information about having a disabled child, or about that child himself, as there is about the beauty in taking life as it comes. My mother used to say that every person wakes up every day and is forced to decide whether to see the donut or the hole. My mom always chose the donut. That was her greatest gift to me. My daughter has continued in that family tradition of giving. Reading this book, which made me weep and chuckle out loud all week on PATH trains and New York City subways--to the dismay of other passengers--, has given me a "refresher course" in why such help remains necessary. Too many people have lost touch with the real beauty in life or have lost the ability to notice simple beauty--it is a natural talent of children, and the gift that Adam brought to the Becks. Many people of course, have never had it. In a time of great "prosperity", books like this can help you to focus--or refocus--on what is most precious in our lives.
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Summary: The Fairy's Apprentice
Review: In medieval times, babies with Down Syndrome were sometimes thought to be "changelings". Legend had it that fairies had stolen the real baby and substituted one of their own in the rightful owner's crib. When our daughter was born 14 years ago, like Martha Beck, we discovered the darker side of medicine (my gynecologist was revealed to be a soulmate of Dr. Kevorkian). Then, metaphorically, like the author we began to see things that are invisible to the real world. For us - we are atheists - these "angels" aren't messengers from a Higher Being, but the manifestation of the better side of human nature or, perhaps, those fairies keep intervening in the lives of their littles ones! My sister, a social-worker whose career has been devoted to advocating the rights of the mentally handicapped, told me "Down Syndrome is not so much a disability as it is another system of values". It's sort of an alternative reality where success is measured by how much fun you have, how much you love and are loved. Where magic occurs on a daily basis and the parallel universe that only the marginalized perceive, lets you see, hear and feel what is essential. The father of a "normal" friend and classmate of our daughter - an author and psychiatrist (a profession which usually excels in its inability to interpret Down Syndrome) said "Rather like an extraterrestrial, we have made Sarah learn our language and adapt to our world. But we don't bother to learn about hers or the language she may speak in secret to herself. She must cross the bridge to our side. But if we met her half-way, what could we discover ? And why do we presume her world is less interesting than ours ?" Mary Ritchie, Geneva, Switzerland
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Summary: Candid and honest!
Review: A powerful, realistic look at expecting the unexpected. Beck is telling the TRUTH in a refreshing style... like talking the talk after walking the walk. She makes a very personal and spiritual journey here, and we go along for the ride. She avoids sugar coating her emotions and tells us even that which is only bittersweet. Her portrayal of the family coping with a disabled child is right on... we see through miraculous eyes how these children are sometimes "charmed"... but only sometimes. Why wouldn't you read this????
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Summary: Harrowing, hilarious and just what the doctor ordered.
Review: Expecting Adam is a vivid account of how one family was brutally made aware that we must seek and discover for ourselves what is right and important. We have all fallen into the trap of looking outside ourselves for answers to one of life's most important questions: how do we choose to experience our lives? Blindly or belligerently following formulas prescribed by our families, peers and society at large - no matter how exalted they appear - does not allow for a connection to the magic, meaningfulness and vividness of life. The Beck's story serves as a spellbinding reminder to look inside and to listen to and trust the signs of providence (or whatever you want to call it) all around us. There is no harm in being open and honest and no shame in asking for and receiving help when we need it, because it is there for all of us. Thanks.
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Summary: This could've been smarmy and syrupy, but somehow, it's not.
Review: A friend from across the country sent me this book, and we aren't sure how he knew I needed it, but I did. I'm passing it along to friends who need a great reminder that things that seem out of control usually turn out fine in the end, somehow. I expected a really sugary account of coming to love a boy with Down's, but Beck balanced things well. Yes, she is extreme at times (for example in describing the pressure she felt at Harvard), but it came out as humor, not overbearing. Reading the book on the bus, I laughed out loud. I got some looks from other commuters, but I figured the bearers of those looks were just envious that they didn't have something to laugh out loud on the bus about. They probably hadn't read Expecting Adam.
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Summary: Both moving and exasperating
Review: Although I admit that I could not put the book down -it is witty and well-written - I found the author and her husband, both professional students, to be insufferably elitist and sophomoric. Although they can be justifiably proud of their Harvard education, Martha Beck assumed that the mere mention of Harvard was meant to engender an understanding that they are inoculated from the normal heartaches and challenges of life. In a world packed to the rafters with multiple-degreed professional people, I found the lofty heights in which she fancied herself occupying as a gender studies grad student rather stunning. This exaggerated self- assessement felt like a device that was meant to magnify the lengths in which they traveled to the earth after the birth of their Down Syndrome child. Excluding this annoyance and forgiving the messengers, it it a story of unexpected miracles and well worth your time.
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Summary: This book makes you laugh, cry and look deep within yourself
Review: Martha Beck is an amazing author.She will have you in tears one minute and laughing the next, I had trouble putting the book down.Martha tells her story from the heart ,she has a way of making you feel the pain of the choices she faces and all of her joy when she finally gets to hold Adam after her very long journey.
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Summary: Awesome!
Review: I don't normally like non-fiction books, but this one is a wonderful story that is more amazing than fiction, and pulls one along, wanting to know what happens next. A wonderful writing style that keeps one laughing, and occasionally crying, but always identifying with this amazing lady.
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