Rating: 
Summary: Very Helpful
Review: "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes is one of the best books on sexual addiction. Carnes says sexaholism transcend personality, gender, and socio-economic status. He defines sexual addiction as having a pathological relationship with sex and using it as a mood-altering drug. His descriptions of the symptoms, the three levels of addictions, and the progression through the four-part cycle of preoccupation, ritualization, compulsive sexual behavior and despair are excellent.
Carnes also deals with the sex addicts underlying dynamics such as a faulty self-image, and believing that sex is their most important need. Carnes describes how some addicts appear grandiose and full of exaggerated self-importance to create a front of "normalcy," and hide their addiction and poor self-esteem. He says the addict's family and friends often become angry and frustrated with the addict's "egocentricity" and insensitivity to others. Since guilt and remorse cannot be expressed the addict may become progressively more isolated and unreachable as they close off their vulnerability.
Carnes states that since the addict feels unloved and unlovable they have little confidence in the love of others and become calculating, manipulative and ruthless. They are purposely unclear about their intentions in relationship and are seductive in their behavior. Addicts also have a high need to control all situations in an effort to guarantee their sexual supply and ensure all possible sexual opportunities.
To get help Carnes recommends SA's 12 Step Program. He says the Program helps the addict to, "separate themselves as individuals from their addiction which, as a powerful illness, is destroying their lives. By admitting the addictions power, hope emerges from connecting with others and Higher Power. The fellowship of the Program surrounds participants with people who have suffered in the same way. They no longer feel unique. They trust and are trusted with personal secrets."
Carnes says the Program teaches the addict that they do not need the addiction to survive, but will need the Program because of the addictions power. When the addict recognizes how powerless and unmanageable they are over their addiction, they start to live a life which focuses on human relationships as opposed to sex.
Carnes points out how members of the Program continue to learn about the process through teaching others. He says sex addicts can become responsive and responsible members of the human community.
Rating: 
Summary: Excellent, broad introduction to mind of the sex addict.
Review: "Out of the Shadows" offers an introduction to and an exploration of the profile, behaviors and motivations of the sex addict. Whether the addiction is to porngraphy and its many incarnations or actual, physical sex, this book provides a very insightful look at the secrecy, deception and compulsion that the addict will use to advance and hide his behaviors. While this addiction is not unique to men, for a woman who suspects or knows that the man with whom she is involved may be or is a sex addict, Carnes' book provides insightful and probing case studies of sexual addictions. This book will help the addict, or those in relationship with an addict, have a better understanding of this distructive and painful path.
Rating:
Summary: Excellent, broad introduction to mind of the sex addict.
Review: "Out of the Shadows" offers an introduction to and an exploration of the profile, behaviors and motivations of the sex addict. Whether the addiction is to porngraphy and its many incarnations or actual, physical sex, this book provides a very insightful look at the secrecy, deception and compulsion that the addict will use to advance and hide his behaviors. While this addiction is not unique to men, for a woman who suspects or knows that the man with whom she is involved may be or is a sex addict, Carnes' book provides insightful and probing case studies of sexual addictions. This book will help the addict, or those in relationship with an addict, have a better understanding of this distructive and painful path.
Rating:
Summary: A Powerful Resource for Partners of Sex Addicts
Review: "Out of the Shadows" was for me, validation of a disease I knew in my heart my fiance had but was unwilling to accept at the time and am still having a hard time accepting. By the 18th page, I was in tears and knew that my fiance had a serious, legitimate problem...an addiction to sex. As I continued to read this book, it was as though a person I didn't know yet who knew what I was going through somehow put down my life and my problems on paper. I discovered I was "co-dependent" and became as obsessed with sexual addiction as was my fiance, even after he broke off our engagement.When I first suspected sex addiction was my fiance's problem, I didn't know where to turn to for information, resources, help, etc. I accidentally happened upon a website of Dr. Patrick Carnes's where a list of his books on sex addiction was given. Before I read the book, I had so many questions, fears, indescribable pain and agony that this wasn't, couldn't be happening to us. And even though some of my questions still go unanswered, I became confronted with an addiction that is not only destructive to the addict but to the addict's loved ones as well. A disease that is so secretive and demoralizing that unless the addict seeks help, can be life threatening. Six months after my discovery of finding hidden pornography on the computer, pornographic videotapes and dating websites offering sexual services that my fiance had paid memberships to, I am now single and have recently sold the house we had bought together hoping to build a future and a family there. I lost my fiance to this addiction and everyday I try to understand how he chose this lifestyle over a normal life with me. But that's what "Out of the Shadow's" has shown me, that addicts don't have the choice nor can they have a normal life or a normal, healthy relationship. I recommend this book to anyone who is in a relationship where sexual addiction may be the underlying problem because it helped me to not only understand this addiction better but it helped me to realize I am not alone and there is help.
Rating: 
Summary: Great info, but...
Review: Admittedly, I haven't read "Out of the Shadows" for quite some time, but I did read it many years ago because I was suffering from sex addiction and could identify with the behaviors that were in the book. I agree with another reviewer that this book falls short of providing a solution...that works! As a recovering sex addict, I know that information is great to know, but information alone cannot keep me sexually sober. All the statistics and charts and cycles cannot keep me sexually sober. I've been sexually sober for close to 5 years now and this is so because I attend a 12-Step group specifically for sex addicts. I'm certain that Patrick Carnes mentions 12-Step programs in his book. Attending meetings and working the Steps have helped with my sexual sobriety. As for the book, it's a great way to put a name to a behavior that's highly destructive. I would recommend it for the information, but if you yourself are suffering from sex addiction and would like to recover from it, I would recommend attending a meeting.
Rating:
Summary: TRULY REMARKABLE!! A MUST HAVE!!
Review: ARE YOU LOOKING FOR SOMEWHERE TO TURN?, TRYING TO COPE WITH OR UNDERSTAND THIS ADDICATION, THIS IS THE BOOK FOR YOU! IT IS EASY TO READ AND IT IS AMAZING HOW EACH PAGE CAN OPEN YOUR EYES TO LOOK BACK ON PAST BEHAVIORS AND RELATE TO THE PERSON YOU ARE CONCERNED ABOUT. (NOT ONLY AM I A VICTIM, I ALSO HAVE HAD A FAMILY MEMBER THAT HAS BEEN PROSECUTED. AND FOR THE ADDICT, IT IS A BOOK FULL OF UNDERSTANDING THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN ANY OF YOUR THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS AND SHOULD BE A WELCOMING PART OF YOUR RECOVERY.
ANOTHER AMAZING BOOK IS "PROTECTING THE GIFT" BY GALVIN DE BECKER, A HELPFUL REMINDER FOR YOU TO TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!
Rating:
Summary: Recommended by a Clinician
Review: As a psychotherapist, I have recommeded this book to many clients who have found it extremely helpful. This is such a secretive problem, reading about it allows the reader to feel some level of relief that there is hope and that they are not alone.
Rating:
Summary: Finally, someone understands.
Review: As a recovering sex addict, I have read countless numbers of books and pamphlets and have found this author to be the only one with real insight into the mind of the codependent sex addict. If you are struggling with this problem, you need Christ and you need to read this book. Start the healing today.
Rating:
Summary: Carnes is able to get right inside the addicts head.
Review: Carnes has completely captured the mind of the sexual addict in minute detail. Disecting each and every action and thought explaining the reasons for and behind the behavior. For 22 years I lived and was married to a sexual addict and didn't know. I was in total denial. Finding out was the biggest shock and not knowing what to do. I was fortunate enough to be told about Patrick Carnes' book. I purchased the book online (so I wouldn't suffer the embarrassment of asking for it in a bookstore) and couldn't put it down. To be able to understand in a small way the "why" of my husbands behavior allows me to not feel so guilty or in some way responsible for his behavior. I never thought a book on this subject could be called fascinating--but it is just that. Each and every paragraph had something in it that hit home. He completely is able to analyze this behavior and explain the reasons without making the addict or co-addict feel less of a person. Although my husband and I are separated, I plan on passing this book on to him as he feels he can't beat this addiction. I am hoping this book will help him as it did me, to understand.
Rating:
Summary: Change your life forever!
Review: Concise, clear and factual, this book will change your life forever. You don't have to be a sexual addict to profit from it, but if you are, you cannot afford to bypass "Out Of The Shadows". The author's view of sexual addiction may be as shocking to many people today as Galileo's view of earth was a couple of hundred years ago. Knowing the true nature of sexual addiction has made a big difference in my life.
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