Rating: 
Summary: Saved my Life
Review: This book showed me that I am not alone. Without being moralistic, the author shows that this problem can and has been overcome. To anyone who thinks they might have a problem with compulsive sexual behavior: READ THIS BOOK.
Rating: 
Summary: It gives hope to those without hope.
Review: This book talks about the deep dark secrets of what we do behind closed doors. Too embrassed to talk about it openly, we aren't able to get the help we need. Patrick Carnes not only tells us that we are not alone but shows how we can be healed of this addition.His recent book "Don't call it Love" carrys the same theme but more in depth.
Rating:
Summary: An especially good book for coaddicts
Review: This is a good book for anyone who wants to understand the basic emotional and psychosexual dynamics of sexual addiction but the problem I did have with it was that it was written to understand the male addict. Although the dynamics from the human level are essentially the same there are some differences. After a really harrowing relationship with a woman addict whose secretiveness and intense denial/shame of the problem translated to my being left in the dark as to it's nature I scoured the web for any information I could find. I was really confused how this woman's behavior really depressed her to the point of endless bouts of crying and yet it continued with more calculating deceit, mind games, rampant flirting with colleagues and promiscuity. Everyone involved becomes a powerless spectator in the painful ongoings. This was the most painful experience that I have gone through to date and it has really made me wary of my perception of how sex is used to sell just about everything in the US. Pity. For guys who have been likewise involved understanding the "logic" ( if it can be called that) of the female sex/romance addict is better outlined in a book by Charlotte Davis Kasl called: "Women, Sex and Addiction - a search for love and power" a highly qualified therapist in the field. I was amazed at how every page seemed to be a prediction ( in hindsight ) of my ex's irrational and destructive behavior, motives, feelings etc., such that many of the statements made by sexually addicted women she interviewed for the book were made by my ex g.friend, verbatim. I was aware from her intense denial of there being an [obvious] problem ( by her asserting that it was "in my head" or that my finding that there was a problem to discuss was itself, THE problem) that she did not read these books ( and indignantly would not when I offered.) The bottom line for the addict is that because of the intense feelings of shame that perpetuate the problem and the need to cover up the problem from self and others, through paradoxically/ritualistically engaging in more of the same painful thing, such books are only helpful if the 'sufferer' is absolutely ready to face and rid oneself of it. However for those who are coaddicts and want to understand what they are going through they are helpful especially to recognize that there is nothing wrong with you and you ( nor your liaison) are to blame. If you love the addicted one then through these books one readily sees that the problem is not the person but the behavior which can be changed with time and effort. Painful stuff. Good luck to all..
Rating:
Summary: Sexual Addiction and Gay men
Review: This is the book that started it all and began to name a very painful disorder acted out sexually and has little to do with sex at all. This book's only lacking is a need for more information for gay men. The gay male community as a whole is in denial about sexual addiction. For so long the gay community has been pathologized for what we do sexually so it makes sense to be cautious about any further pathologizing of our sexual behavior. However, once you read this book you realize the problem isn't sex at all, it is childhood trauma and abuse which is being acted out sexually. Thank you Dr. Carnes for naming this disorder. For information about how this applies to gay men I wrote a chapter in my book solely on sexual addiction and gay men called, "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives" published by Alyson, 2003.
Rating:
Summary: Essential
Review: This is the book to get regarding sex addiction recovery!! It has been, for me, the most useful text on the market, analogous to the AA Big Book in AA!
Rating:
Summary: An easy read for evaluation of behavior.
Review: This pioneering effort by Patrick Carnes describes a four stage cycle of addiction which builds the addictive patterns. These steps are: 1) preoccupation, 2) ritualization, 3) compulsive sexual behavior, and 4) despair. Carnes defines these levels of addiction. The benefit to the reader is that it is an easy read for self-evaluation and/or for evaluating another's behavior. These stages or levels are conceptualized in terms of behavior, cultural standards, legal consequences, the victim's and the public's opinion of the addiction. The recovery process is connected to the diminishment of negative core beliefs with the replacement of positive core beliefs. The impact on and the recovery of the co-addict are defined with the starting point being that of acceptance of Step I --- being powerless.
Rating:
Summary: Excellent
Review: What an excellent book! I purchased this with Confusing Love with Obsession and thought both gave a well rounded analysis of sexual and relationship addictions!
Rating:
Summary: This book really helped!
Review: When I needed to understand and learn more about sexual addiction, this book was there with quality information. It gave me the basics. I have since read three books on the subject of sexual addiction and Out of The Shadows is my favorite; the only one that helped me to better understand this addiction (which I previously did not know existed). The book is simple to read and is informative. I could not put it down as it kept my full attention - I read it in just a few hours. If you or your sex addict friend or family member is not big into religion and may have trouble with 12-Step programs, this book does not get "heavily" into that; rather it outlines the basics - what you need to know and understand. Thank you Dr. Carnes for this informative book.
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