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Summary: I used most of the rules and have the man of my dreams..
Review: I've read some of the reviews about this book, but don't knock it until you've tried it. We all know that there are basic differences between men and women and how we react or respond to different situations. Why would we believe dating and lasting relationships would be different? "The Rules" give you an understanding about what the differences are, why they make sense when you think about human needs and behavior and how to act so you can find someone and both be happy. Now I'm not going to say that I used all of the rules, but I did use many of them. At first it felt strange, but the more I followed them and saw the results, the more I realized that the author really understands men and what they really need and want. If you're still not convinced, then ask yourself the following questions: How many times have you been in what you thought was a good relationship, only to find out that he never had the same committment? Or you jumped straight into bed with him and wondered why he didn't call afterwards? Or better yet, you're actually in a relationship (one where you DIDN'T USE "the Rules") and you wonder why you fight all of the time, you always feel like you're having to track him down, he makes excuses for not spending more time with you, and you're more unhappy now than you were before the relationship? If you can relate to any of those, you might have better results using the rules. Or at least keeping an open mind about them...What do you have to lose? Or maybe I should ask....what do you have to gain? Someone who cherishes you, wants to be with you, treats you with love and respect and can't imagine their life without you in it?
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Summary: Why grow culturally when we can all stay retarded?
Review: This book is one giant step backward into the dark ages. Why don't we give up the vote while we're at it? Fein and Schneider reduce gender to a flat stereotype and ignore race, religion, ethnicity... Real people are complex and diverse. Only the desperate or the clueless could ever believe that _any_ set of rules would apply to everyone. This book does make one useful point, albiet one a modern woman should already know: that there is more to life than who you're currently dating. Neurotic women with low self-esteem who feel incomplete when single and define their identity around their boyfriend/husband might find some value in the tone of this book...as long as they don't take "the rules" themselves as gospel.
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Summary: it's not a game
Review: Relationships aren't a game - nor are any two relationships identical. By all means - 'play by the rules' - but when people get hurt or things go horribly wrong, you have only yourself to blame. Perhaps then you might realise that it's time to start acting responsibly and in a mature way about your life and how it affects other people.
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Summary: Too bad I can't give it zero stars... or even negative stars
Review: Girls, do yourself a favor and steer clear from garbage like this. I was following this stupid book to make my already good relationship "the rules" one. As the result me and my boyfriend of 7 years are now separated. This book is all about stupid mind games. They backfire 100%. Believe me, it hurts too much to realize that you let some stupid book to get between you and the person you love. Trust your instincts, they are the best rules you can get.
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Summary: Yes, you too can get a man to marry you...
Review: ..if you just follow these Rules. But will they help you KEEP him? I dunno... And Ellen Fein is getting a divorce. I rest my case.
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Summary: Not all men are the same
Review: I am a man. I read this book out of pure and simple intellectual curiosity, just to stimulate thought on the subject of dating. It shocked me that anyone would assume all men are alike to the degree that this book does. I'll also tell you that if you applied the Rules to me (a film production creative) I would flee. Some guys, and definitely me, simply want honesty and openness. I know what type of women I like, and who I want to be with. When I find my type, I do everything I can to make things work out with her. If someone is not my type, then they can only fool me for so long. No amount of calling or not calling is really going to change anything either way. Just show me respect and a modicum of genuine consideration. The rest is all about who you really are, which you can't honestly change just for me, and which I would never want you to anyway. The problem with playing hard to get is that it's simply playing. I hate being played, and don't have the time for it. Then again I am neither a former football jock nor a current corporate lawyer. I'm an "artist type". If you are looking for frat-boy types of average intelligence or less, then probably this stuff would work. (Actually I can't really tell you.) However, if you would want to be with someone like me, then please, buy another book.
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Summary: helps you realize your self-worth!
Review: I got this book after a bad breakup, and it made me realize that I had been groveling, making a fool of myself, and generally wearing my heart on my sleeve. After years of operating this way, trying to "get" a guy, you lose your self-esteem. The Rules made me remember to hold my head high as a single (albeit lonely and unhappy) person. If you fein confidence long enough, it becomes contagious to those around you. I didn't follow the rules to the letter--c'mon, you take everything with a grain of salt and some common sense--but it worked for me! I couln't ask for a better life. I wholeheartedly recommend this book for those women who have been hurt, taken advantage of, etc. and would really like to settle down with Mister Right. If you're enjoying the dating scene, have no problems with saying "no" when you mean "no", and aren't looking for commitment, then this book will seem stupid. The Rules teaches you to re-discover and revel in your self-worth, and to maintain your precious *dignity*--if you happen to snag a prince as a result, all the better!
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Summary: This book is for the mindless
Review: A book of rules for mindless, low self esteam, can't think for themselves type of girl. This book will teach you how to be someone you are not. So if you your desire is to be fake, shallow and unreal...follow the rules.
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Summary: excellent!
Review: this book is great despite the negatives i've been reading about it. first of all it saves you alot of time and i dont see it as a way of finding a mate its a way of life. it helps you focus on what you are doing and not waste time on relationships. also it prevents you from getting hurt needlessly. it eliminates the bad type of man you don't want to get with...whereas if you pursued someone you might not be sure if they liked you. this book is a great guide especially for those who are clueless about what to do and keep getting conflicting information about dating. it eliminates people who play games as well or who are just looking for sex. for me its just basic protection. authors did a great job!!
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Summary: How to catch *certain* men, but not others
Review: I'm very glad The Rules came out. After finding "The Rules" I gained an insight into the game that *certain* types of men expected me to play, and were themselves playing. However as I was trying to do the Rules, I realized that "The Rules" just don't work on some people, and that doesn't make it a bad relationship or a bad situation -- it just means that these people don't follow the same male/female roles. I agree with Dr. Tracy Cabot, and the previous reviewer who mentioned Kiersey/Myers-Briggs persoality typing, in that "The Rules" fail to take into account individual sensitivity. In short, it's a good description of some people... but not of others. Despite its flaws, I find "The Rules" is a good guide for survival out in the dating world. I can see how this book has its merits. It is a very useful guide to how to set your own limits, and not get taken advantage of. I don't think it has universal applicability, and I think you need to exercise some critical thinking about each rule. The basic spirit of "The Rules" is don't get with anyone who doesn't already like *you*, don't make yourself totally available with your time, make them do their share of the work, and don't let them - too early in the game - think they've 'won you' before you've actually set up a committed relationship. This is great advice for *anyone*. This is especially great advice for those "nice guys" out there who can't get women to like them as anything more than friends. Basically the message is... "don't let them win the race before they've actually crossed the finish line." Don't give your all to someone who hasn't given their all. The bit about a "romantic gift" I have issue with because everyone's idea of romantic is different. I always hated it when guys got me a single red rose or something stereotyped because it showed they didn't know what I really liked. On the other hand, the most romantic gifts I've gotten were: from one, books about cats and psychology (interests of mine); from another, a stuffed Linux penguin, a computer game and a science fiction magazine. The *letter* of The Rules however is what I had the most issue with. It assumes all people are basically the same. In my experience, the sweetest, most wonderful men in my life were the shy and emotionally available ones who had made themselves available for friendship, but had not approached me in a 'Dating' style format as is outlined in "The Rules". According to "The Rules" I should ditch these men because they didn't make the first move. "Romantic" is also in the eye of the beholder. For those of you versed in Kiersey/Myers-Briggs terminology, I agree with the guy way back, who commented that "The Rules" may apply to ESFJ women trying to snare ESTJ or ESTP men - these are the extraverted, sensate, everyday people that constitute 90% of us, from construction workers to corporate lawyers. I agree there. I'm an INTP/INFP, and also an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and have in recent years exclusively dated people like me - i.e., my fellow geeks. Favorite meeting places for me, and the people I like to date, are generally not going to be the "meat-market" venues suggested by The Rules. Actually I tried to do that scene for years, and found I was meeting -- sensate, extraverted guys I had nothing in common with, both as a bookworm and as an introvert. In short --
If your dating style is to go after alpa-male types, and go to meat-market venues, then yes, follow The Rules and follow ALL of them. This is an EXCELLENT guide as to how to date alpha male corporate lawyer types while avoiding the players who invariably know at least half of the rules (but will bail if you play ALL of them). A good book to pair this with would be "Men who can't love". If you like those shy, intellectual kind of guys, or guys with a more developed feminine side, and you don't go to meat-markets --
AVOID this book. Better guides to dating would be: "Intellectual Foreplay" by Eve Eschner Hogan and Steven Hogan "The Highly Sensitive Person in Love" by Dr. Elaine Aron
"if The Buddha Dated" by Charlotte Kasl.
"How to love a Nice Guy" by Judy Kuriansky. "The Rules" works for 90% of men. If that's what you go for - then by all means. I have a friend I desparately wish would read this book, because she keeps getting taken in by exactly the kind of guys who need "The Rules" done on them. HOWEVER - if you are interested in that other 10%, generally a quieter, more sensitive and cerebral kind of person -- don't be afraid to admit that.
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