Rating: 
Summary: Should have been a wedding gift to us!
Review: My husband and I have been married 13 1/2 years and talk about learning! This may seem to be a very basic book; even so, we were never taught basics. Our own parents were and still are poor role models. Therefore, we really had no one to mentor us. This book was purchased because of my husband's love affair with pictures of nude women on the internet. I realized my shortcomings very quickly. It has been 2 months since we purchased this book. This is the most wonderful marriage self help book we have ever read. Be sure to read it together!! This book picks up where the Christian Church leaves off.
Rating:
Summary: An easy to read that all couples should read together
Review: This book was excellent. My wife and I used the guidance it contained to rebuild our 25+ year marriage after an 'internet' affair threatend to end it. In hindsight we both saw how we were not meeting each others basic needs purely through ingnorance of what those needs were!! We immediately began practicing the suggestions recommended by Dr Harley based on his many years as a marriage counselor. Literally over night our relationship changed for the better. Now six months later our love for each other and our marriage is stronger than ever. Our biggest regret is not having this knowledge of basic male and female needs years ago. (A personal suggestion: Anyone who is concerned because their spouse spends a lot of time in internet 'chatrooms' should absolutley without fail read this book.)
Rating:
Summary: Fantastic!!!
Review: I've read several books on this subject matter. This is by
far the best. I found the accuracy of the information to
be profound. This book should be read by every person in
a romantic committed relationship.
Rating: 
Summary: Pretty good, too much focus upon fears fo affairs
Review: The book starts out describing the anatomy of an affair. Essentially
Harley feels if the basic needs of a man or a women are not
met by their spouse, an affair is fair game! Personally, it's good information, but the info must be used with wisdom.
We must become utterly dependant on our creator. This
I believe is our simple, yet profound solution. I believe
when we do this, the firing order of our marriages gets in-
line and we naturally reap the benefits!
Rating:
Summary: LOOKING FOR A WEDDING GIFT? THIS IS IT!
Review: A book that unravels the mystery of human sexuality from a Christian perspective. You'd think that the Church would be a place that human sexuality was taught (Remember God thought the whole thing up on His own!); but instead the Church has taken a "Hands Off" policy. I read this book after 12 years of marriage and wish that I would have had it before I was married at all. This is a sure winner as a gift to a couple whom you love. Oh sure...you may get snickers when you give it to them but I can bet you this: They are going to read it because as the advertisers have already learned, people are interested in sex
Rating: 
Summary: Great book with a few flaws.
Review: First of all, i have to say that i think that this is a great book. It gives a good overview of what men and women TEND to be looking for in a relationship. In reading the previous reviews i found it funny seeing the criticisms of two women who seem to see this book as women bashing, since as a guy i had issues with this book seeming to be male bashing... First of all, in response to the previous attacks on the book all i can say is that while women TEND to be more relationship focused thus communication, affection, etc. TEND to be what they are looking for in a man. Thus since guys TEND not to as relationship focused, what a woman sees as defining a person is not necessarily what a man sees. I could criticize women and say all women want is a robot with skin that will talk to her, agree with her, and touch her. That would be just as narrow and unrealistic as some of the comments made previously. It takes character to be the kind of woman a man is looking for. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to marry a selfish, overbearing woman who didn't care how she looked, wasn't interested in having fun with me, and expected me to be perfect 100% of the time and in all ways before she was willing to be intimate with me. Yet that seems to be the picture that comes to mind when taking these needs to an extreme. Ultimately i believe that Harley has a clearly credible case for both sides and i would gladly pass this book on. However as with many books in this genre it is rather narrowly focused. It doesn't discuss what communication is how to deal with it when it is broken down, or any of a hundred different topics important for a healthy marriage. Then again, it has to be that way to keep from being 2000 pages and losing it's focus instead of 200 and clear. My biggest concern with this book is what seems to be the male bashing. In reading the first five needs discussed it always seems to be the man's fault that the need is not being met. The man isn't affectionate enough with his wife, it's all his fault. The man's need for sexual intimacy... well, if men were fulfilling their wife's need for affection then this wouldn't be a problem thus it's all his fault. Communication... men you need to communicate more with your wife. You need to drop everything else to make sure that you are talking to her 24hours a day. Recreational companionship... It's all your fault men, you need to stop doing what you enjoy if your wife doesn't enjoy it. Thus all sports should be banned unless your wife likes them too. In those first four chapters Harley goes up one side of the man and down the other blaming him for all of the problems and not once mentions that maybe the woman needs to make changes such as, stoping spending so much time on the phone with her sister/mother/friend (her recreational interests) and spend it with him doing things they both enjoy instead. Or maybe that if the wife took some real interest in their sexual relationship instead of getting annoyed that her husband actually finds her sexually attractive or having an attitude of "I'm doing this because i'm supposed to so i'm just going to bear through it", then maybe she would find that he is more affectionate with her. The relationship works two ways, and yet it seems like Harley focuses a whole lot more on the guys being at fault for things than the women. That's not to say that he doesn't ever focus on the women, as is evident in the chapter on physical attraction (this chapter i have a great many issues with what Harley says), but overall the blame seems to be placed much more on the man than on the woman. Like i said before. This is a great book. I would and have recommended it on many occasions, but always with reservations and stating that i don't agree with everything Harley says.
Rating: 
Summary: A great book if you want a Stepford Wife
Review: I'd actually give it 0 stars if the settings allowed me. The reader from New York said it was depressing. I'm going to go farther and say it was disgusting, disconcerting, and downright disturbing. It's always sad to see that anyone can get a psych degree and write a book and dish out advice. Even sadder, it the largest readership is probably women for this book, because we often take on the responsibility of "saving" our marriages as if it is all our fault if things go wrong. At some point this culture will stop manufacturing masochistic women, and cold, sadistic men who essentially want a woman like dear old mom (cook, clean, heap adulation, stroke egos), and are not at all bothered by the fact that that would mean that they would indeed like to have sex with a woman something like their mothers. Ick! The reader from New York pretty much said it all for me. But I will say this...This writer is insane if he thinks he's dishing out helpful advice. He is essentially trying to keep everything status quo--just the way the guys like it--no change--ever. Change and growth and increased awareness would require work. This book sends relationships back 30,000 years. If there are any women out there that take this book seriously, you are indeed insane as well. Stop placating your partner for affection. Stand up, leave, and fight for your right to be treated like you're human, not an idea, an image, or a fantasy.
Rating:
Summary: Real information
Review: If you are having trouble with your marriage, you basically have two choices. First, you can go to a psychologist who will sit & listen passively while you try to solve your own problem, afterwhich he or she will prepare you for the impending divorce and make you feel good about it. Or, you can take your marriage into your own hands by sitting down with your spouse and working through issues. The latter is, of course, easier said than done because by the time the marriage is in trouble, a couple cannot have a conversation about the weather without getting into a violent disagreement.
In comes marriage "coaching," a word I would ascribe to this book's premise. Dr Harley's book is focused in on a framework and has identified the major reasons that couples have trouble with their marriages. These include things that are typically "his" misdeeds, like dishonesty, spending too little time with the family, and affection, and "her" misdeeds, which include things like nagging, lack of interest in sex, etc.
Of course, these are generalizations, and any misdeed that might by typically "manly" might apply to the woman, or vice versa. Still, most typical marriage problems likely have the components that are covered in this book.
Lest readers be frightened by this book by some of the negative reviews, let me say that while the author does tend to stereotype males and females, he does so in light of the fact that there are, in fact, differences in the way men and women think. If you wish there were a world where men and women were identical in every way, this book won't be for you. If you think that a man "should not" think of women in a sexual way, divorce your husband (assuming he has testosterone flowing through his body) and marry someone who doesn't. Writing a book that suggests that men or women "should not" think a certain way won't make it so.
As respects cosmetic surgery, the chapter that addresses that issue also notes that no one should have cosmetic surgery unless both ENTHUSIASTICALLY AGREE that such surgery is necessary. I know that some will automatically think that this chapter will have men rushing out to suggest breast implants for their wives. But, in fact, I have known many who have had their lives changed in a dramatic way by having cosmetic surgery to correct things that can't otherwise be changed, such as physical deformities.
You may need to hire a marriage counselor who is open minded enough to use this program as a guide in order to get things started, depending on the state of your relationship. But,in contrast to the "solve your own problem" approach employed by many psychologists, you will actually have a fighting chance of saving your marriage if you have a roadmap to follow, such as the one in this book.
Rating:
Summary: Preventative medicine for relationships...
Review: I was directed to this book by a friend whose husband recently had an affair on her. My fiancee and I had been having trouble and, though no one was having an affair, we were having trouble that finally resulted in us postponing the wedding.
I can't say for certain whether or not the book will help, but it did resonate with me -- and with my fiancee, although she's still in the process of reading it.
Harley's basic thesis is that to make marriage work, each partner has to do things that continue building love. In his terminology, you have to keep getting "positive deposits of love units in your Love Bank."
Now, as cheesy as the "Love Bank" analogy is, I think it is useful, although he relies on it extremely heavily and I'm not sure that is so productive. It seems like it runs a danger of creating a constant state of paranoia about screwing up and making the other person unhappy.
Of course, in my own relationship, that's exactly the state I've been in for months...
He breaks down human needs to ten areas, five of which are (generally) most important to men and five of which are (generally) most important to women -- although every couple is unique, he points out regularly.
The needs are:
Affection
Sexual Fulfillment
Conversation
Recreational Companionship
Honesty & Openness
Physical Attractiveness
Financial Support
Domestic Support
Family Commitment
Admiration
So maybe there is something to thinking about the Love Bank. Maybe there is merit to the idea that you focus yourself on fulfilling your partner's needs. Perhaps it is useful to constantly think about what actions you can perform that will get you deposits instead of withdrawals from the Love Bank.
The one piece of advice that I think is most outrageous is when he says, as part of "Recreational Companionship," that couples should begin eliminating recreational activities that both partners don't enjoy or take part in. So I have to completely purge myself of video games, writing reviews on Epinions, and other assorted activities while my fiancee must completely purge herself of sewing. Cooking we can keep because, while I don't care to cook, I avidly enjoy the eating phase, so it's still a joint activity.
I do understand his rationale on this -- it is more helpful to the relationship to do activities that we both enjoy together than to do individual activities separately. But he's recommending giving up things that you love to do, and even activities that may not bother your spouse, just as a preventative measure because such activities might, in the future, cause some sort of discord between you. While I can't fault his logic, it seems unreasonable and extreme. In his defense, Harley makes it clear that this is one of the most controversial aspects of his program -- but he sticks with it.
Aside from that, I found few problems with Harley's thinking. Basically, he's saying that to stay married you have to stay in love and in order to stay in love you must continue trying to please your spouse. If it has any fault, it's probably that it's too simple for today's complex world.
This, I think, is part of the problem with society instead of with this book: the world is so complex that people aren't taking the time to actually devote themselves to their spouse.
Rating:
Summary: A reflection of the worst in American society
Review: I read this book some months ago.I was so shocked by its
obvious sexism ,I couldn't find the words to say what
dislike I have for its writer.Unfortunately this mindset is
common in the evangelical world.The woman has to be a perfect
image of beauty or her worth as a person is less.He condones
plastic surgery because he states"men are visual" and if I
hear that one more time,,I'm going to get sick!Women are
visual too but no one wants us to think that because it might
take away controll from the patriarchial far right,,,because it
leaves one to ponder maybe a woman IS a full human being and
not just a sex object for an arrogant mindless evangelical
crusading moron.Need I say more??
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