Rating: 
Summary: a pearl in the sea of relationship books
Review: A couple of times a year, I read a book that's a little gem: packed with sage and sensitive wisdom, practical and informative, modern yet timeless. IF THE BUDDHA DATED is my latest addition to my list of these little paper gems. Kasl knows what she's talking about. Without dogma or fuzzy affirmations, she reminds us in clear language that our relationships are part of our spiritual journey. Her definition of a spiritual journey in the path we take to be who we truly are, without pretense or attempts to please lovers, family members, or other authority figures. We come to learn that we can love and be loved best by being who we truly are, showing our vulnerability and our humanity, while still expecting to be treated with consideration, compassion, and kindness. Early in the book, she states, "on the spiritual path, the purpose of any relationship is to wake up and get to know ourselves and our lover, thoroughly, without judgment or pride." And, "Dating with a Buddhist consciousness means a willingness to confront anything inside that kindles fear or anxiety. When we start wanting to run away, be deceptive, tell lies, or put on a mask, we need to walk right into our fears, sit down, and talk to them until they become our friends. That doesn't mean we have a goal of getting rid of fear; rather we accept it as part of our unfolding journey." I couldn't agree more. Her lists of behaviors for us to examine in our partners and ourselves are excellent and straightforward. A close examination of what we want and what we have to offer, our values and our desires, all play into what makes relationships work or not. She says, "True commitment is born of knowledge. We can't say yes to what we don't know." Her list of questions to explore with your partner before becoming sexual (page 126) are excellent. So much worthy of quoting that I suggest you simply BUY this book. A little jewel. ~~Joan Mazza, author of Dream Back Your Life; Dreaming Your Real Self; Who's Crazy Anyway; and Exploring Your Sexual Self (a guided journal).
Rating:
Summary: A bibliographic form of relationship therapy
Review: After reading this book a year ago, this book continues to pervade my life. Kasl exposes the sludge and drama that characterize the modern relationship. She reminds us of the human need to experience others and commands a sense of responsibility for our actions in our relationships. She also reiterates that it is all right to let go and move on from relationships that no longer benefit one or both partners involved. This is an exquisite book, one that I have recommended to several loved ones in my life. Worth checking out!
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Summary: I'm finding one for each of those that are dearest to me.
Review: And this showed in _perfect_ condition! Thank you for aiding in my quest to bring this little guide to life to my dearest friends. I am happy to give this as a gift in the condition it is in.
Rating:
Summary: I'm finding one for each of those that are dearest to me.
Review: And this showed in _perfect_ condition! Thank you for aiding in my quest to bring this little guide to life to my dearest friends. I am happy to give this as a gift in the condition it is in.
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Summary: This book saved my sanity in the dating world.
Review: As a single woman who had just started studying Buddhism, I developed a strong cognitive dissonance that nearly ended my spiritual pursuits. One part is that of being a Westerner in a non-Western philosophical practice. Nobody could address my concerns as a Western single woman. I got the feeling I either was expected (by the culture of this sect of Buddhism) to be either celibate or married. But our culture doesn't practice arranged marriage! Furthermore, the more I grew, the more my desire for a mate grew. A lot of the Western folk wisdom is "that you have to be totally complete by yourself". I felt like I could just do nothing but stuff this desire, deny it. The problem?? In my experience, there is absolutely no more un-Dharmic scene out there, than the singles scene. It was impossible and alienating. I didn't know how I could possibly follow a spiritual path by day then go out at night and become this whole other person. Also casual sex had grown repugnant to me. I rectified the problem by just dropping out of the market altogether and using friends as a substitute for a mate. I really came to believe there was no one out there for me. Western folk wisdom made me feel like there was something wrong with me because I wanted a mate, and in addition something wrong with me because I'm a woman. All those relationship books out there guide women to bend over backwards and do all the changing and to "just accept men the way they are". After I found this book, the first thing I did was dismiss it. Then, finally, I looked at it again, and bought it. This time it struck a chord. I'm still single, and I still want a mate, but I don't feel like it's a bad thing anymore; I don't feel like it means I'm a weak person; it's given me a new way to look at the process. Our modern Western culture teaches you in a way that there is a deep shame with being lonely, you are not supposed to admit your feelings. This book has helped me become more honest.
Rating:
Summary: "Lovers think they're looking for each other...
Review: but there is only one search:
wandering
this world and that,
both inside one
transparent sky..."
-Rumi
Well, there are so many Rumi quotes in this fine book, this one seemed to fit my review of it.
As fairly smart and independent woman who has made just about all the mistakes one can make in "looking" for love, Charlotte Kasl's book was an unexpected blessing for me.
It was recommended to me by an ex-boyfriend who is now a very dear friend on a night I was eating my heart over a man I had recently met and connected with. Mostly, I was eating my heart because I hated that I even cared whether or not he called. I mean, I have a very happy life on my own; what difference should a phone call make?
My friend urged me to get this book, and I did the very next day. Wow, folks. Wow. If you've been on The Path already, and you think there is not much you can learn from a book, READ IT ANYWAY. Kasl's humor and straight-forward advice toward self-love and gentleness is a boon.
If I have any criticism about the book, it is the title. Seems a bit like a catchy marketing ploy and I admit it was the reason I did not read it sooner, even though it had come highly recommended by others. Don't judge this book by its title, however. It is a far more thoughtful piece of work!
Rating:
Summary: She is bringing many therapy sessons to you for pennies
Review: Charlotte Kasl has made Individuation theory accessible to all, David Schnarch's Passionate Marriage holds simimlar concepts, grow up and show up.
It's a great start to your relationship to yourself and others.
Rating:
Summary: No Formulaic Answers Here
Review: Charlotte Kasl's brilliant, inspiring book on relationships and what we might do before embarking on the eternal search for the proverbial soul mate, IF THE BUDDHA DATED: A HANDBOOK ON FINDING LOVE ON A SPIRITUAL PATH, offers the reader great insight into him/herself and what a beautiful relationship can achieve. It also offers from a spiritual perspective (What other viable perspective is there?) how we can approach our relationships. I believe that if everyone read and internalized Charlotte Kasl's IF THE BUDDHA DATED, we would all be in harmonious relationships with ourselves, the world around us, and very likely with that lover who is just right for us. If you are tired of the ubiquitous formulaic, "one-size-fits-all" relationship books, I highly recommend IF THE BUDDHA DATED.
Rating: 
Summary: nice
Review: Good book - most of it is common sense in the day to day dealing with folk in general. But then, common sense tends to be the kind easiest forgotten, so its a nice little reminder.
Rating:
Summary: Very helpful!
Review: I ABSOLUTLY LOVE THIS BOOK!
I have recently read some of the latest, most popular dating books which came up short for me. Teaching you the "Rules"(really meaning how to completely transform yourself into what your partner wants...forget about yourself!!) and letting you know "He's just not into you-deal with it!!....is all they do.
Charlotte's book helps you find yourself and what you are looking for in a partner and THEN you can start looking for someone who fits what YOU want.
I found many of her thoughts and ideas went right along with what my Therapist and I go over in our sessions. I found it almost like a workbook that was in addition to what I learn with my Therapist.
Get out your Highlighter pen. I have many sections marked that I will refer back to weekly if not daily.
If you are frustrated with never finding a partner that "Is into you" I recommend this book.
Be patient.
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