Rating: 
Summary: A very good book when you digest the WHOLE point!
Review: This book was very good. I don't know about some of these reviewers, but reading comprehension is crucial if you are to understand and take away something meaningful from the book.1) The book says that some men like attractive women. Gasp...it's true. The author even illustrates the flip side of the coin when he tells the story of the woman realized that SHE was into looks too. But the author is blasted for pointing out that some people favor appearance. 2) The book says that some women don't want to work. It did not say all. I guess the fact that some women would rather work part time and take care of the children is politically incorrect now. I am tired of reading reviews where people do not read the whole book, or get upset at things that would offend them and then condemn the whole book. The list of needs are not the same for everyone, the author states this but, alas again, people miss this point. The only reason why I gave it four stars is because I wish it were a bit longer. He also could have spent more time explaining what he meant so that people who skim and do not digest what they've read entirely could have gotten his message.
Rating: 
Summary: Something missing here
Review: Dr. Harley seems to be missing a crucial point with some of the couples he presents as case studies: These are folks who never should have married each other in the first place! Like the woman who married a man she found physically repulsive because he was a millionaire, then seemed almost surprised at his disappointment that she refused to have sex with him. DUH!!! And the woman who married her college sweetheart while they were still in college, then ended up leaving him for another man when he refused to get a job. DUH again! Maybe if she had held out until they were out of the surreal college environment and into something more closely resembling real life, she would have seen him for the sponging lowlife he was and not married him to begin with. I'm all for doing whatever you can to make a marriage work once you're in with both feet, but perhaps in his next book Dr. Harley should focus on how to make sure you're getting married for the right reasons BEFORE you take the plunge.
Rating: 
Summary: Thankful I'm Single
Review: I read this book out of curiosity, and when I was finished, I was thankful I'm single. It shows marriage as a place where there is no security, no understanding, no grace, no forgiveness, no leniency, and more work than two full time jobs. The part about living on the husband's salary and the wife using hers for spending money is ridiculous, in this day and age - parties to a marriage are supposed to be a team, working together for the good of the marriage and family, but this system puts them in a parent/child position. Also, its ridiculous to ask people to give up activities they may enjoy alone or with friends, and only do things together - that would be stifling, and I think would lead to tremendous resentment, and a feeling of relief if the marriage failed. Finally, I think all the emphasis on looks is shallow - everyone grows old, and no woman wants to live in fear that she will be left if she doesn't watch her appearance with an eagle eye. I can't believe this book claimed to be Christian.
Rating: 
Summary: A Must Read for All Couples
Review: This is a great book. After many year of marriage I still had no clue that not meeting each others needs was killing our love and causing us to drift apart. It is more of an eyeopener than I can say. This book has not only saved our marriage, but enrichened it in ways I never would have expected. I read the book first and still reread it even after several months. My husband is working his way through it. We started with Dr. Harley's website where we printed off everything we needed to get working on our emotional closeness. The book is really to reinforce the things that we learned. While there are many books based on similar principles, I believe this ranks among one of the very best. Can't go wrong on this book!
Rating:
Summary: Saved my marriage
Review: To be blunt, my husband had an affair while we were in the middle of this book. And, yet, I still feel that this book was a big part of why we are still together. While we both wish the one-time affair had never happened, it was because of what he learned from the book that my husband's first thoughts afterward were about what had caused him to make this horrible mistake, and how we could make sure it never happened again. He confessed his indiscretion to me only hours after it happened, and we were able to really talk about it and really deal with it. We're still repairing our marriage, and we plan to turn to this book for advice on what to do next.
Rating:
Summary: Writer is misunderstood by some. Great book for all
Review: The people who trash this book or who write bad reviews have either not read the book, or have chosen deliberately to misunderstand (and misrepresent) what the writer has to say. The basic idea of the book is to identify the things that your partner needs and wants. (Everyone has differnt needs) Then, once you have this information, he makes suggestions as to how you can effectively meet those needs to restore the feelings of love that you once had before your wedding day. Why is this so hard to understand? Dr. Harley explains that ALL of the needs are interchangeable with both sexes. The biggest misunderstanding comes from those who are self-centered and not willing to admit that the needs of their partner are not important to them. I personally know what it is like to have my needs made invalid. Harley says that if you dont meet your mates needs, the mate may have those needs met by someone else. I want to make my mate happy. I can either do this on my terms or on hers. I risk not meeting those needs if I dont listen to her and meet them the way she is describing them. The bad reviews are from people who reject the Love Bank theory. I believe the Love Bank is the only way to keep love in the relationship. The bad reviewers dont understand the simple truths of this book. It is basic human nature to want our needs met. Too many people dont want to listen to their mates.
Rating:
Summary: Read it 10 Years Ago, Still Use and Recommend the Book
Review: For the past ten years we have loaned this book out to couples having troubles. We always got an enthusiastic, thumbs up from the couple. Sometimes we didn't get the book back or lost track of who we loaned it to. Consequently we have purchased at least 3, maybe 4 copies. Again, highly recommended, should really help most marriages.
Rating:
Summary: His needs, her needs
Review: This book is full of practical "no spin" information about what maintains positive loving relationships. I wish I had read it before I married over 30 years ago. The author lists important general needs of men and women and goes on to explain that many marriages get into trouble because couples do not realize that the needs of women can be quite different then the needs of men. Harley provides an organized logical approach to identifing the individual needs of each partner and then suggests that each partner make it a high priority to satisfy the other partners 5 most important needs. He points out that in his experience genders tend to have similar needs but there may be important differences therefore he published a workbook to assist couples to identify their specific needs. The author brings up issues that many people might not want to face. For instance he says that his experience suggests that most men have a need for an attactive spouse. He goes on to say that it is important for a women to maintain a healthy weight, and to dress attractively. He also says that most women have a need for a spouse that can pay for the basic needs of the family. Accordingly he suggests that a man should step up to the plate and fill the basic financial needs (food, shelter, clothing) of the family. This book suggests if you are: overweight, lazy, critical, unaffectionate, not willing to talk things out, not willing to spend time together on recreational activities and if any or all of these things create a problem in your marriage then you need to change.
A word of caution
If you are having maritial problems and you believe your spouse should take you the way you are, you will probably not like this book. I suspect this is why a number of reviewers gave it low scores.
Rating:
Summary: One of the best guides to marriage!
Review: This book was one of several that were covered in our extensive premarital counseling at our church. My husband and I agree that it is one of the most helpful books that we have regarding our relationhship, and practically every time we "get into it" one or the other can identify some need listed in this book as not being met.
Five years ago, I would have agreed with some of the other reviewers here - that the book is shallow and supports that women should look good for their man, cook and clean, etc. and the man should be the breadwinner, and other "distasteful" stereotypes. In reality, men and women have different needs and that is okay! If you can accept that needs are more than "good personality" then this book is for you.
One need I have is for financial support. This doesn't mean I have to have everything I want. This can mean that none of the bills are past due, or that we are making headway with a debt. It can even mean that my husband is just aware of our financial situation. It doesn't mean that I have to have it all now. It depends on the individual. But, when I don't think my husband is taking care of our financial world, it is very miserable around here! And I don't have to be ashamed to admit that I feel this way!
My husband definitely places high importance on domestic support. He wants his dinner and he wants clean clothes. I work too! I guess I can tell him how "equal" we are supposed to be but I get a heck of a lot more credit if I make the man a sandwich rather than complain. And those credits to my love bank make him that much nicer to me in areas that are important to me. To sum it up, "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours".
Another thing to consider is that some of the "needs" are a little general. "He needs a good-looking wife" is a need outlined in the book. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. My husband likes a chunkier woman than I was when we married. I don't have to look like a model, and I never did, but he sure likes me even though I've put on some weight!
So, if you want to hear the (generalized) truth, buy this book, be brave, and read it with an open mind.
Rating:
Summary: Shallow and Disturbing
Review: I have to agree with many of the other reviews which criticize this book for its shallow view of love in a marriage: she will judge him by how much money he earns and he will judge her by how physically attractive she is. What about the man who decides to quit a high-paying job to do something that is more spiritually and personally fulfilling or who chooses to stay home with the kids? What happens when a woman grows older and her physical beauty conforms less to our society's ideal? This book teaches that spouses have affairs because their partners fail to meet their needs. So the affair is the fault of the faithful spouse? Rubbish! Dangerous thinking.
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