Rating: 
Summary: This book misses the mark completely on a healthy marriage!
Review: This book is full of sterotypes such as women should always remain beautiful for their husbands. Dr. Harley states that's why men marry women - not because they care or love you. It states that a woman should not gain 1 pound more or it is grounds for an affair. Dr. Harley agrees that this is normal for a man to want to leave his wife if she changes her looks from the day they married. This book is not about healthy relationships let alone marriages. The only real take about affairs is how easy it is for men to cheat so women should be forgiving and take them back. There is never any mention about unconditional love. Marriage is for better or worse - something Dr. Harley has seemed to have forgotten.
Rating: 
Summary: Brutal, but true
Review: The short version: an excellent book. Buy it.The longer version: I could have done without the Christian right wing tint but other than that, right on! And while feminists are sure to take issue with this book, the cold and immutable truth of the matter is this -- it hits the mark dead center. Being a guy, I can only verify one half of the story. Men do, in fact, need most of the things (e.g., I don't care about admiration or domestic support that much) detailed in this book in order to stay happy. Right, wrong, or otherwise. If you chose to interpret the findings as shallowness, you are certainly entitled to your opinion. I would, however, caution naysayers to think of it this way: would you rather your spouse make you aware of his needs, or just go off quietly and find comfort in the arms of another who is willing to provide him with what he needs?
Rating: 
Summary: A Very Shallow Look at Relationships
Review: I picked this book up because my wife and I were spending a weekend with my siter-in-law and she'd brought it along but wasn't reading it. I picked it up and read through it all that weekend with the same fascination that one might have while passing a traffic accident. It's horrible, but you can't help but look. The book is nothing if not practical. The author says that men have a few basic needs which are different from women. He doesn't discuss whether these needs are moral or even healthy--he just accepts that they are there and that a successful marriage will need to recognize them and negotiate them--with women learning how to fulfill men's needs (whehter they want to or not) in return for men fulfilling women's needs (whether THEY want to or not). Of course, there's been a great deal written about gender differences, and I don't know if the different needs in this book have any basis in reality. The author hasn't done any studies to prove his assumptions; they're only based on his experiences as a counselor--something that's a little troubling. Still--even if he is right about these different sets of needs, there's something pretty shallow about saying that we need to accept our own and each other's needs whehter they're healthy for us or not. For example, one of the trade offs that the book suggests is between sex and money. The author says that men rely on women for sex and that women rely on men for financial security. Even if this is true, (and I think that's debatable), are we really willing to make this trade-off? As a man, am I really willing to say to myself, I'm only worth something in a marriage if I can keep making enough money to keep my wife from leaving me? And is my wife's value in our relationship really to fulfill me need for sex? Accepting this arrangement would seem to limit our ability to grow and to be vulnerable and intimate with each other. The author's advice is to "cement" the relationship by submitting to each other's needs. It seems to me that to really grow together as a couple and as individuals, we would need to question these needs and to find other things in each other to value.
Rating: 
Summary: This Book Saved My Marriage
Review: This book provides excellent, down-to-earth, easy to follow advice for couples. The questionaires and surveys at the back helped me and my husband determine within minutes where our problems lie and we began to move in the direction of fixing those problems. This came at a time when we were about to separate. After years of no intimacy in our marriage, we were able to restore intimacy within the first day. After 12 years of marriage, I know that the next 12 years will be even better. I will give this book to every engaged couple that I know.
Rating:
Summary: Sexist Gibberish
Review: Harley advises that women must look the way they did when they got married to meet their husband's needs for "a beautiful wife". He also suggests that women must provide the man with "domestic" support. Equally unfair is his advice to men that they must stick to their role as "breadwinners". Gloria Steinem would have a field day with this book! Needless to say, this book ended up in the garbage right after I read it. It's sexist gibberish at its finest.
Rating:
Summary: Powerful, Practical Principles for Marriages -- A Classic!!
Review: After 15 years, Harley's work is as profound now as it was when first published. Harley has revised his book in various places, updating it based upon lessons learned since the previous edition and making it applicable to marital challenges of the 21st century. His concepts are powerful and practical. While written by a conservative Christian author, these principles are applicable to persons regardless of their religious background. Harley's approach to "affair-proofing" a marriage centers on a concept he labels "the love bank." Every husband and wife has a love bank that encounters both deposits and withdrawals from the opposite sex. A crucial distinction is made, however, in that deposits and withdrawals are made differently with men than they are with women. These differences are based upon the ten most felt needs of a relationship with the opposite gender. Husbands, in general, place the highest importance on the following five needs: sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support, and admiration. Wives, in general, place the highest importance on the following five needs: affection, conversation, honesty and openness, financial support, and family commitment. Both genders express need for all ten items, but typically husbands and wives have contrasting priorities. According to Harley, when an individual meets one or more of the partner's greatest felt needs, deposits are made into the partner's love bank. When one or more needs are not met, withdrawals are made from the partner's love bank. An affair occurs when a spouse finds fulfillment for a strongly felt need elsewhere because it is not being met satisfactorily within the marriage. Harley's love bank concept is the centerpiece of his best-selling work. While his list of felt needs may not apply precisely to every man and woman, he does present a very accurate picture for most men and women in our society today. He concludes his book with giving tips on surviving an affair, and offering hope to couples struggling with a sense of incompatibility. If you are serious about preparing for marriage, protecting your marriage, or propelling your marriage to even greater heights, this book is a must. Order it, read it, and see how powerful and practical these time-proven principles are!
Rating:
Summary: What a GREAT book!
Review: What an eye-opener! Dr. Harley skillfully points out how to create and maintain a marriage in a way that God had intended. I see now where Scripture states "My God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory" that He will meet my emotional needs THROUGH my spouse just as God will meet my spouse's emotional needs through me. What a blessing to finally understand! I'm now prayerfully using Dr. Harley's book to see through my spouse's eyes what I need to do so that I may be the vessel I was called to be. What a difference it has made in our marriage. I see so clearly why it wasn't working before. I am amazed at how I need guidance to maintain something you would think should come "naturally." Yet, I need Scripture to maintain my relationship with God, so I guess I shouldn't be too amazed. As I look at other reviews here, I'm saddened by how some have completely misunderstood Dr. Harley's Scripturally-based approach. May God bless you all.
Rating:
Summary: Danger - Oppressive thinking ahead!!
Review: I thought this was a terrible book with sophmoric/simplistic advise. Harley seems to think that the complicated dynamics that obtain between adults can be reduced to sterotypic bromides that are oppressive to both men and women. On the other hand, it is a great example of how faith principles can be applied in distorted and twisted ways by shallow thinking fundamentalists.
Stay away from this thing!
Rating:
Summary: This Book Misses the Mark!
Review: Dr. Harley suggests that when couples both make their needs known and seek to meet one another's needs, they will build an "affair-proof" marriage. While there is certainly merit to some of his conclusions about the importance of knowing and meeting the needs of your spouse, to begin with the supposition that human beings are even capable of truly meeting each other's deepest emotional needs clearly misses the mark of God's plan for the ages. This book presumes that spouses ought to be able to do what the Bible says only God can do - namely meet our deepest emotional needs. "My God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory" "You shall have no other Gods before me." "I have learned to be content in ALL circumstances" These Bible references clearly teach us to rely on God to meet our needs. The reason Christians are as prone to affairs as the general population is NOT that their spouses inadequately meet their needs, thus causing discontent and "wanderlust", it is that they rely on something other than the fullness of relationship with God to meet their needs, thus causing discontent and wanderlust. When relationship with God is out of alignment, we have the tendency to "gratify the desires of the sinful nature." The one who is truly and deeply first in love with their God is then able to fully love their spouse, regardless of their spouses ability to meet their needs. To suggest otherwise is to set people up to practice a performance based self-righteousness (which many people can do when they make an idolatry of their spouse or marriage. That is why Dr. Harleys seem to produce "success" The pharisees looked great at thought highly of themselves didn't they?). Glean some of the good, practical ideas from this book and prayerfully discard that which does not stand up against the Word of Truth.
Rating:
Summary: This book's applicability grows with your marriage
Review: We received this book a week before we were married, 13 years ago, and we have often given it as a gift because it is so straightforward and helpful. At that time it was most helpful for me to recognise my husband's need for recreational companionship (I now love to fish!). Thirteen years and two children later, we are re-reading it (again) and are being reminded of factors we hadn't considered in a while (e.g., financial support), factors we indeed need to be discussing. You can't go wrong reading this book.
| 
