Rating: 
Summary: Not Self-Helpish - - Just Helpful
Review: An excellent book. Very direct, common-sense explanations for both sides of a dwindling relationship. Every time a friend is going through committment problems, I snatch up a copy of this book for them. This book is particularly good for someone who repeatedly has problems either committing to a relationship, or being committed to. Five stars plus!
Rating: 
Summary: A Frustrating Read In a Time of Distress
Review: As I read this book, I felt like it was describing me. I loved the emphasis on understanding myself as part of the commitment issue. I wouldn't have admitted my own issues with commitment in a million years before reading this book (who me??). I cannot speak highly enough about what I've learned and started to internalize. I feel stronger and more centered about what I want and where I'm going in life as a result of reading it. Highly recommended to anyone who thinks they might have commitment problems, or are involved with people who have commitment issues. *Hint from the authors: commitment phobics tend to seek each other out. Buy this book to understand your partner; you'll be surprised at what you learn about yourself.
Rating:
Summary: This book is life changing
Review: As I read this book, I felt like it was describing me. I loved the emphasis on understanding myself as part of the commitment issue. I wouldn't have admitted my own issues with commitment in a million years before reading this book (who me??). I cannot speak highly enough about what I've learned and started to internalize. I feel stronger and more centered about what I want and where I'm going in life as a result of reading it. Highly recommended to anyone who thinks they might have commitment problems, or are involved with people who have commitment issues. *Hint from the authors: commitment phobics tend to seek each other out. Buy this book to understand your partner; you'll be surprised at what you learn about yourself.
Rating: 
Summary: Wake Up Call
Review: As the book predicted, I picked it up while mourning the break-up. After reading it, I felt instantly better, and suddenly less obsessed with trying to figure out how to get back with him. However late I read it, I'm awfully glad I did. I've never read a self-help book before, but I was so devastated by the way he iced me, I couldn't get over it, even after two months. This book provided, in such pin-point, on-the-money detail, the typical MO of a "commitmentphobe" that I could not ignore the fact that I was chasing one. This book pulls no punches. It very directly made me realize, I was a door-mat; I was blind to all the clues; I was engaging in unrealistic fantasies, etc... it kind of hurt all over again to see the naked truth. On the other hand, it also provided enough hard evidence to FINALLY allow me to stop blaming myself for not being good enough to have my calls returned, to be called his "girlfriend," to be taken seriously and to be treated with respect, and stop wasting my time. In that light, the book helped me see what I couldn't while I was emeshed in the "relationship." After nearly a year of asking my friends their opinions of what was really going on, the book was the only place I finally found the answer. I am almost certain that it saved me from going into therapy to search for that answer. The only drawbacks are: who are the authors? They don't seem to have any professional credentials. Also, I disagree with their implication that those who stay with commitmentphobes are necessarily "passive commitmentphobes" themselves. Isn't it possible that they are just hopefully falling for the expert manipulation that the committmentphobes apply? Finally, the pages of advice they provide can be summed it in two words, which would make things a lot clearer for some of us: "GET OUT." No other advice is necessary. In the end, I strongly recommend this book to anyone who's confused by standard commitmentphobic behavior and needs a slap in the face to realize it isn't going to change, and it's only going to take a toll on the one who wants the commitment. Also, the anecdotes it provides have made me certain that I will never ever make this mistake again, thanks to Carter and Sokol.
Rating:
Summary: Cites the symptoms, but not the solution!
Review: Buying this book to fix yourself or your relationship is like fixing a ramshackle house with rubberbands and duct tape. Here's why:
1) These people are not scientists, sociologists or therapists. They are the equivalent of emotional "trainspotters". They went out into the world and found many examples of people who are scared of commitment and made correlations and assumptions based on very little other than loose commonalities.2) Of course you're scared of commitment! Who isn't? Duh. This book never gets to the reason WHY. Instead, it tells you to "examine yourself" (on your own) and force yourself to make commitments without ever getting to the reason why commitments create such anxiety for you. Even after reading this book and relating to it completely, I still acted out the same old patterns without a clue as to why. 3) These people have no training in therapy or psychoanalysis, and they say as much. They approach the issue as if it were something that started in adulthood, instead of examining the roots of all our problems: childhood, and the need to bond and separate with our parents. A MUCH, MUCH better book is John Wellwood's "Journey of the Heart". Wellwood successfully addresses in one chapter what this book attempts to cover in 200 pages, but fails. Wellwood will get you to think about why you fluctuate from "abandonment panic" to "engulfment panic", recognize what's going on, and most importantly, teach you how to overcome your fears so you can lead a more fulfilling life. Pick it up and read the chapter "Obstacles to the path", and you'll get it. PS. The idea that "Men can't love" (their other book) is pure hooey! (and I'm a woman, FYI)
Rating:
Summary: Should Be A Reading Requirement
Review: for online dating! This book was mentioned to me by a guy friend who said he'd read it because he has some committment issues. My gosh, I wish I'd read this 10 years ago. There is was, line for line-a description of some of the most frustrating men I've met and been baffled by, even to the part about offering lavish gifts or outlandish vacation offers, as a way to get a person's attention early on. I laughed my sides off.
It was liberating. I don't care that there were no real "solutions" other than the few offered. The main thing I heard, and heard loudly was...run! Don't take it personally, it's not about YOU, it's about them and generally the man (or woman) described was pretty miserable about being so unable to work thru this problem, and without couples counseling, personal counseling will probably not help them much. I found some of myself in the book, too. Funny thing...it clicked when the authors mentioned "claustrophibic" as being a sometimes trait. I'm mildly claustrophobic, so I started to really read on.
I loved it. Thank you, thank you thank you R!
Rating:
Summary: If only I had known....
Review: Had I read this 2 years ago, I could have saved myself a lot of time, demoralizing heartache, frustration, and yes, money (living up to a committmentphobe's fantasies not only deflates your self-worth, but your bank account as well). Finally someone explained to me why after ending a relationship with a man who set up unreasonable boundaries, evaded talking about the future, withdrew emotionally, and maintained "friendships" with ex-lovers...I STILL COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS JERK! I knew that the fact I had not been able to let go was my problem and not his, and this book explained it very clearly: I'm just as afraid of committment as the obvious "committmentphobe", and it's been the emotional hook that's kept me from detaching. The chapter on Runners and Chasers could have been written about me and my ex, and I was the passive and willing participant in the push/pull dance. I can congratulate myself for getting out after only a year of this nonsense. Moving on has been hell, but finding this book has been a huge help in taking the first step in resolving my own fears of sharing life with another person. I hope that Carter and Sokol write some follow-up books to help those of us who truly want committed relationships but are afraid to realize them.
Rating:
Summary: A must read for relationship wannabe's
Review: Have you ever looked in the mirror and said: "I'm attractive. I'm smart. I'm successful. I have no problem getting dates. Why don't any of my love relationships work out?". If so, this book is a must read! For the last few years, I've been struggling with wanting a relationship, but never finding one that lasted. I couldn't figure out what's wrong with me! I picked up this book and saw every person I've ever dated in it. More importantly, I saw myself as well. Until now, I've blamed all of the relationship problems on THEIR fear of commitment. After all, most of the time, I was willing to commit! And the few times I ended relationships, I had "valid" reasons I had to end it. Well, "He's Scared, She's Scared" opened my eyes to MY fear of commitment. I wish the authors had gone into more detail about what to do about those fears. But, I also know that the first step to healing is acknowledging that you have a problem. I still have a lot of work to do to get out from under the fear and figure out what I really want. But I do know one thing. This book has changed my perspective and my life!
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Summary: Wonder why the relationship of your dreams didn't work out?
Review: Here's the book to help figure you out. Thanks to a friend who made me very angry by sending me this unannounced, I'm closer now to realizing why I always walk away from relationships & haven't found "Mr. Right" yet. Or when I do find them, why all the Mr. Right's walk away from me. If you think you're fine but can't figure out why you don't have a good relationship with a healthy person, this book is for you. Read it over and over and absorb it and eventually the denial will wear off and you'll realize that maybe it's YOU. Easy to read with lots of stories, but difficult to pinpoint yourself at first, you'll find this book best for reading when someone you want walks away from you...especially if you're the one used to walking away! Read this especially if you think you have no problems with commitment. It's the book that just may turn your relationships around, but only if you're willing to apply the good advice in it.
Rating:
Summary: A final understanding
Review: I am the type of person who believed that I was cursed. I've never had a relationship last over a year and all of them ended with me nursing a gaping hole in my heart. Moreover, it took a long time for me to begin a new relationship. I always thought it was me. "I was too 'picky.' I couldn't/wouldn't give a new girl a chance." I always have visions of a perfect relationship; one that was always slightly out of reach. I watched all of my childhood friends marry and begin a new life and I would get depressed. I always laughed at people that read self-help books and I would have a mental breakdown before I went to a therapist. After my last girlfriend left without warning, I decided I needed help. This book was a God-send. As I was reading it, I was constantly saying, "Damn, that's me. I do that!" I read it twice and highlighted everything that described me. After reading the book, I realized that I am terrified of relationships that could result in commitments. I was sabotaging every one of my relationships without knowing it. Basically, this book gave me the therapy I needed without the cost of therapy, and I am in a constructive relationship and working on my phobias. This book will not cure you if you don't work on your problems, but it shoves your unconscious bad habits in you face. Thanks Steven and Julia. Not to sound sappy, but you changed my life.
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