Rating: 
Summary: Good for diagnosis, Lukewarm for Treatment.
Review: In my life, I've been an passive commitment phobic person and later an active type. Yes, I run, I break hearts, including my own. This book helped me to own up to the fact that this is the game I'm playing. It really hasn't helped me understand the underlying causes or how to rescue myself from the behavior. I think it's fair to say that the authors make a point of seeking professional couseling. I will likely do just that, because I don't think a book is going to solve the problem. I want to fix myself, and there's some work to be done to accomplish that. I'm sure it took years of psychological damage to get like this, it's unlikely to unravel overnight. So ultimately, I think this book is a stepping stone to identifying and solving a problem.
I would like to add that it's not fair to categorize those of us with this phobia as losers or unworthy. I am worthy of love and I am a good person at heart. So many women here feel justified by this book. Have some compassion, this problem often stems from traumatic and abusive childhood experience. It's not fair to burn us at the stake for it. We need help. I know I will turn this around with God's help and my own desire to change.
Rating: 
Summary: Saved My Sanity!
Review: Incredible book that answered all of my questions when my guy who was so into me...."disappeared" The good news was that I was no longer baffled as to what happened. The bad news is that the book makes you feel as if these guys will never change. That feels so bleak and depressing to me! I would like to think that love, prayers, time or confrontation might do something to get the commitment-phobic to wake up and change. Also it kind of freaks me out that sooooo many men have these issues and sometimes it can show up months into the relationship or even after you marry! Jeez!! Makes you wish you could just be a lesbian or move to anther planet! Anyway the book is great albeit depressing in it's brutal honesty about the hoplessness of these situations....
Rating: 
Summary: clears up the confusion
Review: It was a great relief to find this book, after being in a relationship with someone who changed their mind about me overy other day. I was so confused, but after finding this book, I suddenly saw it all there on the page; this person had severe commitment conflicts. The book goes into great detail describing the traits of a commitmentphobe, and how to spot one early on, but for the reader who is already hooked on one, the only advice given is to "get out" as soon as possible. Unfortunately, the authors don't tell enough about how to gather the strength to do this, though they admit that relationships like this are a "living hell to kick." Intermittent reinforcement is one of the post powerful and destructive emotional tools, and a commitmentphobe is a master of it. This book shows you how to spot the subtle mixed messages, pursuit-then-panic, and other signs of a commitmentphobe well, and how the passive partner plays into it and unintentionally makes things worse. If you are involved with someone who is constantly going back and forth with you, someone who tells you they want to marry you and then runs like hell as soon as you agree, buy this book immediately!
Rating:
Summary: Some glue for my shredded heart...
Review: SOS! If you are looking for one last reason to finally make the break from that one "on again/off again" person who has made your life miserable, this book will empower you - or, at the very least, give you a great deal to cry about. Because you DO deserve better! I have been involved for 5 long, sad, painful, happy, loving years with a man who will NEVER commit to me. It has been on and off for so long. One minute he tells me he loves me, the next he has disappeared into never never land. He is a runner, a dreamer, a liar and a deceitful wretch and I am worthy of so much more. Alas, I was certain that I would be the one to rescue him from himself. Not a chance. Last July, while being stood up for a night out after having been apart for 6 months, I meandered to the local mall and found "Men Who Can't Love." I read it cover to cover and then gave it to him the next night. He broke up with me only to come back months later begging for mercy. I fell again. The man gave me 24 hours last year. Last Christmas, he professed his undying love for me ... four days later, when I pressed for a commitment... well, I haven't heard from him since (3 weeks). If this sounds like you, read this and GET OUT! And then send the highlighted copy to your commitmentphobic begging him to seek help before he hurts the next person. Great examples in this book. It was as if the authors had a direct line into my world. A good buy - better than therapy.
Rating:
Summary: Fantastic
Review: Thank you Steven and Julia for putting things into perspective and helping me understand so much about the loves in my life - and myself.If your heart is breaking - and you wonder what it was that you did wrong - get this book. It offers an amazing insight into the minds of the active commitment phobics and the people who fall in love with them.
Rating:
Summary: Very enlightening
Review: This book is an excellent tool to help someone see any on/off relationship more objectively and realistically. It is exceptionally useful in identifying the symptoms of a commitment-conflict-riddled relationship. It also helps understand the underlying causes somewhat. But to really get to the source of the problems, you'll need different books and a therapist. Still, just recognizing the typical behaviors of individuals with commitment conflicts is a huge step in the right direction, and this book sure seems ideal in that regard. I bought this book after the demise of a somewhat on-again/off-again 5-year relationship. I felt that I had some commitment issues because I had wavered in my willingness to get married, and I thought this book might help me understand myself. Much to my surprise, large portions of the book read like a perfect description of my ex-girlfriend! It hadn't occurred to me that she had commitment conflicts, but after reading this book it all becomes more clear. My ex had done an incredible job of attributing all the commitment issues to me, as a means of relieving her own guilt for needing to leave. The generalizations in this book were uncannily accurate when mapped onto my relationship. Reading this book had a tangible and uplifting impact on me -- I began to see my ex's behaviors for the mixed-messages that they were, and I immediately felt less responsible for the failure of our relationship. I also became much more aware of my own commitment-phobic behaviors, and have been able to seperate the fears from the person that stimulates them. One simple awareness I walked away with: just because you feel scared about a commitment to someone doesn't mean that they are the wrong choice .... it could just be a fear from inside YOU, and you'll face it with ANY reasonable choice of mate. Overall, highly recommended.
Rating:
Summary: Two Thumbs Up !!
Review: This book is fantastic! Having just ended a four year committed relationship with a great future and wondering "Why? What happened?", I purchased this book. Thank Heavens for a rainy Sunday because I could not put this book down. The authors thoroughly explain exactly what is going on in the mind and behavior of the commitmentphobic person. They help the reader understand the crazymaking behavior he or she suddenly exhibits and why. They also point out the signs that were there from the very beginning, but that we, the passive partners in the relationship, overlook, forgive, or refuse to acknowledge. The Appendix gives you ways to heal from the pain and move on in your life - and how to avoid getting involved with this type of person again. I very highly recommend this book to anyone whose fantastic relationship has ended and you are sitting there wondering "Why?". I would also recommend their previous book "Men Who Can't Love" - very enlightening.
Rating:
Summary: Dead on!
Review: This book is right on target for commitmentphobes.
It made me understand that being a commitmentphobe isn't just about obvious runners (from intimacy) -- it can also be a pattern of choosing unsuitable or unavailable partners. Also, like me, you can switch back and forth between the patterns with different partners. After reading this book, I finally understood that I am a textbook case of a commitmentphobe.
Rating:
Summary: The most insightful book ever
Review: This book is so accurate in describing my dating dilemma. It helped me face the fact that I was dating a commitmentphobic person and i know that i have passive commitment issues myself that i need to change. It was a painful realization but helped me on the road to self-discovery. I couldn't put this book down from start to finish. I still go back and reread parts when i need to. i did have the courage to end the relationship and look foward to making better choices for myself in the future.I reccomend this book for anyone having commitment issues.
Rating:
Summary: Very helpful when you are super confused
Review: This book is very helpful, especially the last chapter which tells you how to deal with someone who has told you he or she loves you and friends that he or she loves you, then suddenly leaves you for someone else and cuts you off completely. I found this book just in time to save the rest of my sanity! Thanks to the authors.
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