Rating: 
Summary: INCREDIBLE
Review: I bought this book 5 years ago to see if I could figure out why my last boyfriend wouldn't take that final step toward marriage. I was MOST surprised to find myself all over this book! I continue to reach for it every now and then when I need a "reality check" and it is still great. I have loaned it to 3 friends, all of whom met (and did not chase away) Mr Right within months of finishing it. I recommend this book to EVERY single person - and maybe a few married ones!
Rating:
Summary: Outstanding insights into relationships that blow up !!
Review: I bought this book already aware that I hada lifetime of commitment phobia issues....the book brilliantly explained the whys, hows and wherefores as well as the "dance" between two commitment phobic people. More importantly, they offer good advice on small steps you can take to shift your thinking somewhat. If you have had great first dates where the guy never called again.....dated more alcholics than Pamela Lee even though you dn't come from an alcoholic family.....or just constantly pick men who are unavailable on some level....run do not walk to read this book. It's given me a whole new vision. I'm still commitment phobic but now I understand the whole process so much more clearly!! I liked this book even more than "Men WHo Cant Love" by the same authors.
Rating:
Summary: This opened my eyes to myself AND to the men I've loved....
Review: I bought this book wanting to find out why so many of my intimate relationships with men have failed. I found out what I wanted to know, but even better, I found out that, unconsciously, I had been attracting (and attracted to) men with the same commitment phobia - something I had never considered before. An insightful, illuminating book that is a constructive combination of identifying behaviourial problems and offering self-help steps to solving them. I sincerely recommend it.
Rating:
Summary: EXCELLENT!
Review: I cannot believe how accurate this book is...if I only I would have known earlier. Don't deny it anymore-- there are people out there with MAJOR commitment problems. It's not you--- there is nothing wrong with you OR the relationship. It is THEIR issue. This books help you to understand the problem with a commitmentphobic person and how you can deal with moving on in your life. The BEST way is to take back control of your life...you need to get YOURSELF into the driver's seat and accept nothing less than honesty, respect, and commitment. These are not too much to ask for-- you're NOT being overdemanding (although your partner may make you feel that way). Think of it this way, if your love was "meant to be", the person will wake up...hopefully in time before you have truly moved on. But if you don't move on, you'll never give yourself...or the relationship a chance. Read this book over and over again. And, don't try to get your partner to read it...that's the point. YOU CAN'T CHANGE THEM, BUT YOU CAN HAVE CONTROL OVER THE RELATIONSHIP AND YOURSELF! Good luck!
Rating:
Summary: Was he reading the same book as I?
Review: I don't understand this last person's (Chris Martin's) review. Not to pick on the guy or get personal, it's just it seems I read a completely different book than he did. I didn't perceive the authors' points of view or observations as cynical or limiting. On the contrary, it seems they address some real issues for the looking-for-love crowd here in the post-90s era, tackling topics such as the effects of the awareness of the high divorce rate and the effects of seeing or living through bad examples of what a committed relationship looks like, and how it may influence one's behavior or attitudes, consciously or not. More importantly, they don't gild the topics with apologies or disclaimers or pull any punches in dealing with them, but address them directly. It is a nice change from the psychobabble that a lot of "self-help" type books throw at people these days. Another nice change is that they don't rush to define commitment as marriage but instead offer an alternate view of commitment as being anything that limits one's choices, either leaning in favor of a relationship or against it, rather than knee-jerkingly define commitment as marriage (which it isn't, and you who've been divorced probably understand that). I think that is a very astute observation on the authors' part. And, the authors do offer some good advice to those in a commitmentphobic relationship, whether the reader is an "active" or "passive" avoider.Well, everyone has his own opinion. An Amazon.com book review section would get boring if someone didn't pan the book in question once in a while.
Rating: 
Summary: Bucking the Trend
Review: I feel the author's approach to relationships is distorted and one sided. The authors (Steven Carter & Julia Sokol) have tried to codify relationships and imply that nobody ever changes and that most people are forever hopeless. They couch it all in the guise of thorough research, but the text largely reflects the prejudice that people are incapable of changing on their own because they truly wish to do the work it takes. Their emphasis on taking care of yourself to the exclusion of others reflects a scarcity mentality that I find very limiting. Their perspective reminds me of cops who spend their lives surrounded by scum and then start to believe that everybody is scum. They took some good basic ideas in terms of taking time to get to know someone and basing your decisions on some level of logic and they blew it out of proportion to imply that the only people you can trust for a commitment are the people who are actively in one (who are the same people who aren't available, which they warn you against too) or people who have demonstrated the ability to commit but lost a long term significant relationship through no fault of their own commitment issues. This kind of limits the choices. Unless you want to depress yourself unnecessarily and swear off any chance of ever being happy in a relationship, I don't recommend it at all. "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love" is much more helpful and supports ways to create and maintain love rather than find reasons to kill it or avoid it.
Rating: 
Summary: Too many examples
Review: I felt this book was mostly instances of other people's problems with relationships and not enough, how to deal with your own. The writers seem amateur really.
Rating: 
Summary: Been There, Done That
Review: I found this book as I was browsing for something to help me understand why my boyfriend of one year had suddenly and without warning broken it off. I couldn't put the book down, and read the whole thing in one night. I felt the authors had been spying on me & my mate for the past year. Every time I found something that sounded familiar, I got out my yellow highlighter. Before I was finished, 3/4 of the book was highlighted. My boyfriend broke things off just when everything seemed wonderful, just before the holidays and just before the one year anniversary of our first date. Unfortunately, I did not follow the book's advice to get away from this hurtful person. After six months with no contact whatsoever, he called one night and spent the following weeks declaring his undying love and his new understanding of what he wanted in life, which was a relationship with me. I fell for it, and now, three months later, (just before the holidays) it is over again because he's not sure this is what he wants. This time, I am following the authors' advice, and not letting this hurtful person in my life again. P.S. I did buy the follow-up book and sent both to him. Hopefully, he will read and learn.
Rating:
Summary: Helping me through a VERY difficult time
Review: I highly recommend this book to anybody who has had a string of painful, unsuccessful relationships and can't seem to figure out why. I have been involved in an on-again/off-again relationship with an "active commitmentphobe" (you'll understand what this means when you read the book) for the past 9 years which has produced 2 children and runs the gamut from being extremely painful to being joyful enough to instill false hope in this "passive commitmentphobe" (just read the book). I found this book to be unbelievably eye-opening, not just in regards to my guy's bizarre, confusing behavior, but also in regards to the ways in which I enable it. Honestly if you can only afford one book right now on this subject, I highly recommend this one. The ONLY gripe I have is that I believe this book could have gone from being eye-opening to life-transforming had the authors included a set of questions to answer at the end of every chapter. Granted there are questions interspersed throughout the text, but if people are anything like me they probably just read right through them without giving them any serious thought. When I re-read this book I plan on paying a lot more attention to the questions though, as they are included for a reason, and that reason is to help you identify areas you may need help with, and attitudes that you may not have realized existed. I don't know about anybody else out there but I'm *sick* of going through these kinds of relationships and I'm ready to move up to higher ground with someone who feels the same way. This book has been a nice stepping stone and I'm very grateful for it.
Rating:
Summary: Stop Being Scared
Review: I just finished this book, and I must say that if you are dealing with commitphobia, either with your significant other or yourself, you need this book. Not only does this book talk about commitphobic men and women, it addresses commitphobic issues you may have and how they can damage your relationships. I learned so much about how some of my subtle behavior is negatively impacting my relationships with others. Whether you are a passive or active commitphobic, this book will teach you about how your actions can help or hinder a relationship as well as how to deal with a commitphobic person. It may not give you the answers you want to hear, but it will give you guidance as to how to make the best choices so you won't fall into the commitphobic trap.
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