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Summary: Very informative book
Review: I liked this book much better than I did 'Why Men Can't Love' The book is very detailed. I wish there would have been more information on what to do about it. However, another book that I think one should definitely read is 'The Truth About Love' by Pat Love. I can not emphasize how valuable 'The Truth About Love' is and how everyone should read it. This book has helped me out sooo much.
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Summary: Some Very Good Examples
Review: I recently finished reading this book. There are many good examples on the roles two people play in a relationship. The authors discuss the active and passive roles and how they interact and change over the course of time. The examples are very insightful regarding the trouble signs in a committment phobic relationship. The style is easy for almost anyone to udnerstand and it makes a good reference guide for anyone who has encountered fear in relationships.
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Summary: UNBELIEVABLE
Review: I stumbled across this book on Amazon a few weeks ago. It was right around the time my "on again, off again" relationship was "on again." I was half way through the book when I found out the man I thought I loved (and who loved me) was seeing his exgirlfriend the entire 6 months we were together -- lying to her about everything and saying all the right things to her too. Thank God I had the book to read each night as I was asking myself what I did to deserve being treated so badly. The book felt like it was written specifically for me, and I couldn't believe how accurate it was. I must admit the first 2/3 of the book was a bit depressing to me, only because it opened my eyes to my behavior and my committment issues, as well as his, and I saw some things in myself I definitely need to change. By the end of the book, things were crystal clear to me. My heart is still broken, but each day it gets easier. Thanks to this book that taught me that I'm not crazy. I can't recommend this enough and am even considering sending one to his girlfriend!!
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Summary: The first step to Stopping the Pattern
Review: I wanted insight on how to spot people with comittment problems. Well, I didn't think I was one of them until I read this book. I always thought it was the other person. I couldn't believe how well the book profiled my feelings/reactions and my partner's actions/reactions during the course of our relationship. I mean almost to the "T." It oulines all the techniques people use (both active and passive comittment avoiders) to create distance in the relationship and when they tend to use them. I recognized nearly every one of them and felt as though the authors had actually been there experiencing them with me. The book helped me realize I wasn't crazy since "good" events tend to trigger the fear and the subsequent actions. I like the level of detail provided because being aware of how these relationships begin, play out, and end is the first step to stopping the pattern. Don't be surprised if you go through a range of emotions as you read the book. Anger may be the most prominent one, if you are the "Passive Avoider." What helped me through my anger at my partner was thinking back on how I played a role in allowing the relationship to unfold as it did, and thinking about why I was vulnerable to the behavior patterns of the "active avoider." By the way, I have played both roles. Taking accountibility for my part in the destructive pattern actually helped enable me to feel empowered that I can/will change the pattern. Reading the book hasn't made it any less difficult to let go of my feelings about my current partner, but it has helped me understand it is essential to let go, and I can't pretend "not to know" anymore. If you have a pattern of relationships that just haven't worked, I strongly, strongly urge you to read this before you inflict further pain on yourself or another.
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Summary: A Frustrating Read In a Time of Distress
Review: I will echo the thoughts of the other readers who found this book to be a disappointment.Most noticeable to me was the amateurish tone and style of writing: The authors use 1000 words to say what could be said in under a hundred. It is this type of belabored point-making that is very unsettling to a distressed person in need of comfort and answers. It was like a chatty housewife telling me about her kid's tonsillectomy while I lay bleeding waiting for an ambulance. Very distressing. The authors also imply a tone of condemnation to those who do not have significant commitments in life (a mortgage, a long-term job, etc.) yet never pinpoint factors in the commitment phobe's life as to why commitment is frightening to them and how the fear can be overcome. However, the authors DID succeed at sighting cases of commitment phobia -- over and over and over. Heh.
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Summary: A MUST Read!!! The best of the crop
Review: I've read piles of self-help books trying to figure out why men can be so unpredictable. This is the answer!!! I've recommended this book to friends who have all had epiphanies while reading it. I have also read Men Who Can't Love, although this one seems to have a better "big picture" view of the situation. Rarely can a book deliver what it promises, but this is like a "Men for Dummies" manual!!! ; ) Get it, read it, live it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Summary: Asking yourself a lot of questions?
Review: If you find yourself asking a lot of questions about your current relationship or are asking a lot of questions about a relationship that just ended then you need to read this book - Period. I am currently recovering from 2-year relationship with a commitmentphobe. This woman could not commit to her job (or occupation), her apartment, herself, or to our relationship.... and when she broke off our relationship I didnt see it coming and I was totally devastated. Since the breakup my self-help library has gone from two books to almost two dozen - and then I stumbled on this book - and its the last one Im going to read on the subject. This book perfectly nailed the entire scenario that played out in my last relationship. It really helps you understand why some people cant commit and why certain types of people always wind up in relationship with them. You will see that both parties share the responsibility. You will see how the "runner" is really a manipulative, confliced, and troubled soul who faces tremendous obstacles to finding a lasting relationship. You will see how the "passive" partner allows themselves to be so swiftly and easily seduced. If you plan on breaking the cycle, with or whitout your current partner, then this is the first and last book you need to reach for. Onward. Upward.
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Summary: Read this book if you want to avoid unnecessary heartbreak
Review: If you suspect you are getting involved with someone who is emotionally unavailable, read this book before you invest too much of your time and energy on the relationship. The authors spell it all out for you from the early signs to the devastating conclusion. Most commintmentphobes don't change. They keep on repeating the same pattern over and over. If you want to avoid inevitable heartbreak--get out! I only wish I would have read this book five years ago!
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Summary: I underlined 1/2 the book!
Review: If you think you or whoever you're involved with has commitment issues, you HAVE to read this book!!! REALLY! I would have read it in one sitting if I could have. This book is filled with legitimate advice (not fluff), and I hate to say it but its dead on in a commitmentphobic relationship.
I'm SOOO glad that I read this book. It will allow me to gain closure and hopefully not get in this predicament again. PS> the last Appendix section is great if you've just gone through a break up!
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Summary: This book force you to do insight in your relationships.
Review: If you wonder why if you are a young, goodlooking, professional and you are not married this book will help you. If you wonder why you dont last more than a year in your workplace and your love relationships dont last either, maybe you are a commitmentphobic.
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